Here's the scoop

Ok...so it took me a few days to wrap my mind, and heart, around this. I am going to have surgery. A not so fun surgery. I have been in denial about the seriousness of my heart going into A-fib. I have been having an "out of body experience", as a dear friend described it, telling myself this sort of thing doesn't happen to me. But it does...and it is.

The mini maze is not as avasive as having your chest cracked, but it is still evasive. They will make 3 cuts on each of my sides, one under my arm and two down each side and front part of my chest for cameras and tubes etc. They will deflate my lung, one at a time as they work on one side at a time to prevent the need (hopefully) for the heart/lung machine, and he will use this claw like device to go in and burn around the blood line leading from my lungs to my heart. The device wraps around the vein so it is a complete burn all the way around. This will prevent some of the wrong nerve stimulations from getting through. Then he will take another device and test the 10 pathways of nerve travel on my heart and stimulate each of them to 1000 beats per minute to see where some of the wrong electrical pathways are coming through. He then will burn those areas and then re-test to make sure the burn will accomplish it's job. This will give a 90% chance of a cure rate...meaning no more A-fib...and no more chance of a stroke because of A-fib. He also will staple shut a little pocket (lobe?) on the atria that is where the blood can pool during A-fib and cause the clots that can cause the strokes. This pocket is simliar to appendix, in that it doesn't have a *major* part to play in the body's function, however it does control a small amount of hormone production that Dr. Affleck said it is ok to function without. The surgery itself (not counting pre-op/post-op) takes about 3-4 hours. He said that for my hospital stay after surgery to plan on 3 days, but I could come home after one. It just depends on how I do and how the surgery goes. Recovery sounds like it varies as well. No lifting anything for a week, but he wants me up and walking often asap to get my lung function back. He said return to normal activity is up to me. (Though he said he had a Raider's team member going snowboarding a week later - dang I wish I were *that* in shape! A week recovery sounds good to me!)

I am starting to feel more like this is real. I am starting to feel the need to plan and prepare. I cannot get his office manager to answer the phone or return my calls yet...I wonder if she is out of the office for holiday... so monday I am calling again like crazy. The funding is going to be the tricky part I think. No insurance...with no one willing to take us because of Jess' diabetes, my heart & thyroid, and the kids asthma sucks. I keep holding to the faith that Heavenly Father wanted Jess out running his own company...that we are doing the right thing... and so He must have a plan to make this all work out as well. I know it must be so. The kids getting on CHIP this summer was HUGE... but still almost $600 each month just for Jess and my regular meds is tough. Like I have said before...others go into debt/spend money for fun stuff... we just do it to stay alive! :D

A dear friend of mine called this morning. She wants to have a Chocolate Fest fund raiser. I could not stop crying! What a fun idea! What a sweet idea! (literally) It's all sureal.... One day at a time... that is how I have to process all of this. Lots of Prayer.... and one day at a time.

Dr.'s Appt

I am a really good cadidate. He was very informative and thorough. It is an evasive surgery, so not a simple as Dr. Hwang's procedure, but it has a 90% cure rate. I LOVE the thought of this being able to be prevented from here on out. It's a long story, not very fun procedure, so I am still digesting, but I know many of you asked me to post an update when I had one. We didn't schedule a date however because he wants his office manager to try some hoop jumping and see what we can come up with to help cover the cost. With no insurance, on best case scenario, we are looking 40-60k out of pocket. So she and I are pow wowing tommorow and we shall see....

I am going to go crash. It has been an exhausting, both physically & emotionally, couple of days. I will try to post more details later...Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We sure did! My kids were spoiled rotten and the time with family was so nice...

Update on my heart

Dr. Afflecks office called. He reviewed my records and believes he maybe can help me. He wants to see me the day after Christmas! I am so relieved/excited/apprehensive! Should be interesting....

You'd better watch out...

You'd better not cry...

Tonight in the car, Caleb was throwing a major fit (he had had enough) over multiple things... and at one point he was begging Emma to turn on his light above him. She kept telling him no because we were driving.... and he was pitching a fit. All of a sudden he stopped crying... got a quiet... and then said to Emma:

"Santa Clause's watchin' you!"

Bwahahahaha!! We laughed and laughed! Man this kid figures things out quick! For 2 he is quite clever....

Tired...but happy

So...my good friend Amy braved an afternoon with me and took me to get a couple of Christmas gifts I still needed. It was nice! Our Father in Heaven was so sweet to us...we found front row parking everywhere we went so I didn't have to walk more than necessary. It was so neat! I could barely move last night I was so worn out...but I only have a half a dozen or so loose ends and I think I will be done shopping! WAHOO! I am starting to get a little excited...

I am in awe that Christmas is just 11 days away. I was complaining to a friend about how sad I feel about this holiday season, that I can't do all the things I had, in my head, planned to do, and she was very kind....she said "But you are here to enjoy it with your kids". Hmmm. I think I needed that. I think, at least for me, I get so caught up in "making the moment" into something spectacular, that I dont notice the little things... so here are a few of the little things I am thankful for:

* Emmalee home again today with pink eye (this is her 2nd bout) because she is helping me to wrap gifts.
* Caleb, who plays quietly and watches Super Why in the morning so I can snooze a few minutes longer.
* Quiet moments of "oh! I am so dizzy and tired...I gotta sit" that gives me time to enjoy the beauty of the snow out my window, or the lights on my tree.
* For not allowing myself to be too proud to hire someone to help me disinfect my house so I can focus on just dishes and laundry.
* A job I can work on when I feel up to it...for the most part both Realtor hat & Office Manager hat have no set time requirements.
* Having Aunt Jeannine come to my home to color my hair to help me feel not so frumpy
* Cody, who is an early riser, to get the kids going in the morning.
* Wonderful neighbors who stop in to check on me, make sure I have what I need, and devote their own precious time to make things a little easier on me & my poor overworked hubby.
* That Jess has so much work when we need it most...and time off when it seems we need it most too...Heavenly Father is so mindful!
* Journals to vent to, friends to sound board off of, and the medical profession in general for making it so I *am* here...and I can enjoy each day...and I do get to have Christmas with my family and little children. :) What a wonderful life!

Out of the mouths of babes

Today has been a rough day. I am really worn down. Caleb was up every 15 minutes or so until about 3:30 am last night crying in his sleep. We finally gave him benedryl and some ibuprofen to cover all our bases and get him to sleep. (which worked good ;) ) So add that to everything else...and...yea...sure...I have been draggin all day...

Cody has been worried about me all day. Tonight as we said his prayers he said "Please bless mom's heart, that it will not do funny things and scare everyone anymore and she will feel better..."

Amen.

Doing better...honest!

Hello! I just wanted to post a thankyou for all of the sweet concerned phone calls and love I have received! I am doing better each day. I think this time has not been quite as hard because I took 2 days and really laid low. I still get winded, and a flutter or two here and there...but I am well! YEEHAW! I can tell that I am on steriods for the hives (the ER doc insisted) because I feel extra energy I know I dont really have...Bwahaha...but the pamphlet said I would have an "increased sense of wellness". TEE HEE!! My darling MIL (Mom-in-law) has been invaluable as far as catching up my laundry for me and taking the boys for me so I can rest. Dad went shopping for me and Ma cleaned Sophie's bathroom ((blush)) Then I have had dear friends popping in to check on me, blessing us with dinner and just making it so I dont get mired down sadness and discouragement. And my sweetheart brought these home to make me smile....

I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful line of support and I just wanted to say thanks!

Sweet Amy came over and made me sit down and call the Cardiologist at Timp Hospital. I have a tentative appt with him in 3 weeks, 2 days after Christmas. The nurse had me fax over all of my medical reports that I had received and she called and retrieved the rest. Dr. Affleck is going to read through them and if I am a good candidate for the Mini-Maze procedure then I will still attend my appt. If not then I will go see Dr. Hwang about a repeat of the last one. I was very impressed that Dr. A would do that for me to save me the $ and the trip. That is an AWESOME Dr. who has the patients best interest at heart. (literally! LOL!)

A Rotten Expensive Drive...

So I had an expensive ride the other morning. It was about 6 am and an ambulance had to come to our house. Can I just say that for the cost...that was the crappiest ride I have ever taken! You'd think for that price it would be the ride of a lifetime! Tee hee!

I woke up Wednesday morning from some scary dreams about 4:45ish. My eye was glued shut. Oh yes! Lucky mom caught the Pink Eye ;) . (dern!) I got up to wash it out and felt my heart flip/flopping in my chest. I got teary eyed, but then I was caught up in a wave of nausea. I went down stairs to see if I could take some Tums to make my tummy feel better. My heart was going erratic. I got to the kitchen sink, got a drink, and my heart did a hard "flip" and then it felt like it stopped. I stood there counting the seconds...it seemed like an eternity...it was likely less than 20-30 seconds. I felt my body screaming for air (like when you are under water too long) and I started to go numb everywhere. I pounded on my chest with my fist and felt my heart "flop" really hard, and then I blacked out. When I came to a moment or two later I crawled upstairs. Jess' alarm was going off so I went to his side of the bed, hit snooze and started crawling in. He was startled and confused so I took his head and laid it on my chest so he could hear and feel the crazy way my heart was acting. It was sweet...he pulled away and looked so sorrowful and said "oh no sweetheart!" He tucked me into bed next to him and I told him what happened downstairs. We decided to wait a little bit and see if my heart would calm down on it's own. I couldn't even lay there long enough for the alarm clock to ring again. It was so violent in my chest and I was scared to death remembering my experience with this in June. Jess gave me a Husband's Blessing, saying something to the effect that the facilities will know how to help me. We knew I had to go to the ER. :( (with no insurance...)

We called my sweet MIL to come sit with the kids, and I went and laid under the Christmas tree waiting for her, and for Jess to get his shots, meds & something to eat. He skipped eating and came to check on me. He sat on the couch and asked how I was. I sat up and leaned against his legs and told him this one was bad & way out of control. My heart did the really hard flip thing again and didn't flop. I waited much less time this time and started pounding on my chest. It flopped and I passed out on Jess' knee, then to the floor. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called 911. He was done! LOL! I was breathing and laying down again, fighting the urge to puke, so the ambulance was kind and had no lights and sirens going when they pulled up so the kids did not get woken up. (or my poor neighbors either) MIL pulled up right behind the paramedics. They came in and checked everything out and brought in the lovely bed thing. It was lowered as low as they could get it and they asked me to crawl onto it. This sweet older paramedic took my hands to pull me up to sitting position and I passed out. They said my heart rate went from 160 beats a minute to 260 and I was out. So I wasn't allowed to sit up any more! LOL! My little ticker was just too tired.

After I was loaded in the ambulance, the older paramedic and Jess gave me a blessing. Then we were off. It was the worst ride of my life!! I was facing backwards & strapped to the bed with my arms down. My heart was out of control. I wanted to puke. They kept tying off my arms in hopes of finding a vein for an IV with no luck because my extremities were slightly numb (and then the cut off of blood that they were doing was making me even more ill) They put a huge oxygen mask on me and it was thick and stunk horribly. My eye was still glued partly shut and running down my cheek into my ear. The driver kept yelling "right!" "left!" "bump!" "stopping!". It was LOUD and rattley and the lights were blinding above me. And wouldn't you know my nose was itching. The female paramedic kept me talking, and I had to yell so she could hear me...which took air...which was wearing me out...blech!. (I finally asked her about her kids and grand kids and luckily got 5+ minutes to just concentrate on my breathing and not puking...bwahahaha) We arrived safely with Jess just behind us...and OH! was I glad that was over! Sheesh!

I was rushed into the ER and straight into a room and I had my own little crash team there waiting. I had an IV attached (they hadn't done it yet because they couldn't find a decent vein that they trusted on such a bumpy ride), an EKG done that was so not pretty, they stripped my shirt off (which was funny cause I had put a bra on and it got caught on my chin, I had to try and unhook the front latch while telling the two nurses pulling it off to hold on! hold on!...it was humorous to say the least!) but I got to flash the whole room...and they had been so quick to get me in that the curtain was not closed to the door out into the ER either! oh well...life or modesty...I mean really right? Bwahahaha! They were really concerned about the hives all over my body to which I laughed and said....I take zyrtec everyday to prevent hives...my body attacks itself for no real reason...and they are always worse when I exercise! LOL! (too bad my workout was doing nothing for my figure!)

Luckily I had the same ER Dr. that saw me in June and he double checked my records and was sweet enough to say (if it is sweet to offer such a thing) that he would forgo all the med courses that failed so miserably last time, and just de-fibrillate my heart. I was not happy about the thought of it again, and yet I didn't care because I wanted my heart to quit what it was doing. I kissed Jess goodbye (he looked so scared...and I wondered if I was looking brave enough for him) and he left the room. They injected my IV with the meds to slow my heart way down and put me to sleep...and as I felt myself swirl into nothingness I heard the nurse say "should we start with 50?" :0 What the heck? That was not so nice....LOL!

It was hard to come out of the sleep this time...and I was terribly nauseated, but I survived! My heart was back to a normal rhythm. YEA! The ER doc gave us a strong talking to. He thinks we should let go of our upset with Dr. Hwang and get my surgery re-done since the wrong electrical impulses are breaking through. He told us that being de-fibrillated twice within 6 months of each other is not really acceptable. He said that the type of Afib/de-fib my heart was in will cause blood clots in the upper chamber of my heart and that they can cause strokes. And he was worried, I think, because I am *on* meds for it and it was this severe this time. *sigh* We will try to talk to that Dr. at Timp Hospital that does the new "Mini Maze" procedure first...simply because it is suppose to be a better procedure that will last longer, but if not, I am not too bullheaded to not consider enduring Dr Hwang to keep this scary experience from happening ever again...

I was home by 9:00 am. It was nice. I am really sore (electricity will do that to ya! LOL!) and I get tired easy, but I am well. (To be completely truthful I am very scared that it could happen again, but I am taking it easy for now and holding onto the blessings I was given.) It could have been the Pink Eye that set it off...Dr. F (the cardiologist I love) said that infections might do that, but we don't know for sure. (and I think the bad dreams were because my heart was struggling...) I told Jess it was because I ate Chocolate Cake before bed! Bwahahaha!! He laughed and said "no more chocolate cake for you!" Who really knows... All I do know is I am glad it is over. I am SO glad for modern medicine....and even for rotten ambulance rides to the hospital. :)

p.s. I guess I get to slow down now whether I want to or not! Bwahahahaha

Seeing pink...while making red and green...

What a nice break for our family... :)

Sadly, the males of the household all contracted "Pink Eye" this last Sunday...

...but it gave us the rare chance to slow down and enjoy a quiet day at home together...

...so the kids wanted to put up our tree...

They worked together...

Played in the boxes...


ate our "traditional" chocolate orange sticks...

Counted lights under the tree...

Caleb got to put up the star this year...
A tradition from my childhood is everyone gets a new ornament each year from something significant in their lives...


Emmalee got a guiter, as she got one for her birthday, and will be starting lessons soon...

Cameron got a snowman that is praticing addition because he started kindergarten this year and blew us away with his ability to do math...

Cody started Scouts this year and has almost read his entire Scout book front to back...he loves it!
(if mom could ever remember that it's at 6 pm on thrusday nights! ack!)

And of course Caleb got a tractor... well duh! LOL!

It was such a wonderful day! We laughed and played and listened to Christmas tunes. We sure missed church...but it was such a blessed quiet unscheduled day that this busy mom is tucking in her heart as a day to remember!