Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
This is my "baby" Caleb and "baby" from my childhood, Little Beggar.
Beggar was a gift from my Daddy when I was 8 years old. I had to have my tonsils and adenoids removed and then was rushed back to the hospital for a second surgery because I hemorrhaged. It was scary I remember, but I woke up and my Daddy handed me this little dog with a bib on that said "Little Beggar".
He became my most trusted friend. He offered my comfort in some really sad times in life. Jestin jokes he had to kick Beggar out of our bed when we got married because he was jealous! Even now as an adult, when I would get him out of the box, and I rubbed his soft paws or ears between my fingers there was this emmense comfort. Silly at over 30 years old huh?? I can find comfort in a stuffed animal!
Each of my kids, when they were about Caleb's age had seen Beggar. They love to see the box of Mommy keepsakes and the stories I tell with each item. (they love their boxes even more though! LOL) Each time he was brought out, I considered letting them play with him. But it never felt right.
Caleb saw my Beggar and fell in love. He hauls Beggar everywhere. He goes to get him to cuddle on when he is feeling blue. He is gentle and tender with Beggar (for the most part) and he won't let his friends play with Beggar. I have often heard him say "Beddar is owld. He was Mommy's so we shouldn't play wif him". At 25+ years old, bless Beggar's heart, he is truly surviving this new wave of love!
As I type, lying here in my bed, Caleb is snuggled up beside me, missing Jestin too and cuddling Beggar.
The very BEST part? When I am feeling down, or am sick, guess what Caleb goes and gets for me??
Yep. My Beggar. Somehow this little man of mine totally 100% gets it. And he gets it to the very core. Beggar makes us feel better. :)
We share this comfort item of mine... and I can't explain the joy at knowing that something that meant so much to me... means so much to him!
Thank you Daddy for my "Little Beggar". He is old... but he is still loved!
And I can't help but think that "Woody" would be well pleased! *wink*
Monday, April 26, 2010
Jestin came home for the weekend. It was really nice having him here for a few days! They planned on heading home Friday morning, but got rained out Thursday so they headed out right after work. We didn't tell the kids he was on his way. They were so mopey that evening. Caleb's prayer was consistently "Heavenly Father...Please b'wess Daddy come home tomorrow. Amen." in the days previous. They even wanted to know if I would come check them out of school if he got home before school was out! We were all missing him something fierce! It was so hard to put them to bed that night and not give them the good news!
He pulled in the driveway at 2:30 am. We stayed up talking and what not for a couple of hours. It was perfect time for us to catch up and then he could devote himself entirely to the kids the next morning.
I heard the alarms go off and I laid there wondering what their reactions were going to be walking into my bedroom and seeing Daddy asleep next to me! No one came in and I drifted off to sleep for a minutes more. As I was laying there I sensed someone was staring at me! I opened my eyes and there, at the bottom of our bed, sat Cody with a cutest lopsided grin on his face! I poked Jestin and said, "Hey love, your being stared at!" *giggle* Cody leapt into Jestin's arms and gave him a huge hug! He promptly left the bedroom and told the other kids the news. LOL! So much for a surprise! They LOVED having him help them get ready for the day and take them to school... I don't think it even occurred to them to ask him to let them stay home... they were just so glad for their routine with their Daddy in the morning again!!
Caleb stayed asleep and missed all the activity that morning. Jestin left to work on a job here locally and was gone until 2pm. I didn't tell Caleb anything. But this little bug of mine is too smart! He climbed into bed with me and wanted to know why I had 4 pillows again instead of the 3 I had had the last 2 weeks. Later he asked me when Daddy was coming home. I replied that I was unsure... to which he replied that if he didn't get here soon that Heavenly Father must send him a robot Daddy because he misses him too much and can't wait any longer!! LOL I was cracking up!!
When Jes pulled into the driveway Caleb saw him out our window. He came grinning downstairs and tried to act all macho about it... like he wasn't super duper excited!! It was a hoot! And then... after some huggin and kissin' Jes had his shadow back! Caleb missed him the most I think... of course... it truly is a toss up!
We didn't get a ton of time with Jes, as he tried to get his local jobs done, but we did get a quiet dinner with his parents on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. He wanted Beef Stew of all things! LOL It was lovely and low key...just what Jes wanted to feel for his few quiet moments at home.
Sunday he had meetings all morning and then church, so I begged Pat (the guy he is working with) to hold off leaving one extra hour after a church so we could at least eat dinner together and Jestin could give us all blessings before he left. It worked out perfectly.
We all were brave as he left... but broke into tears as he pulled away. Caleb went and hid and fought crocodile tears. We were so sorrowful to see him go again! We turned on America's Funniest Home Videos and soon the tears were dry and we could pretend all was ok again.
I find it interesting... this place we are at. We are SO dang thankful for the work! Our family desperately needs it. Our gratitude is full. And yet it breaks our hearts too!! I cannot imagine being a military wife, or a pioneer mother left while crossing the plains! I cannot fathom being a widow with small children! These women are my hero's!!
I am surviving... but I sure don't love it!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The yound man blessing the bread had to repeat it at least 3 times (that I could tell) (he did it in his newly learned Korean)... and once it was over Cameron leaned over and told me that was the longest prayer he had ever heard! I explained that the missionary was using a language he likely has only known for a few weeks. Caleb kept pulling on my arm while I was talking to Cam. Finally I turned to him and asked what he needed... to which he said, rather loudly, "Dat was da strangest prayer I ever heard!" The sweet sisters in front of me giggled in spite of themselves!
The missionaries were just awesome! They were super friendly and talked to my kids a lot! Emma and Cody have it all figured out! If Cody holds off on turning in his papers 5 months, then they both can turn in their papers at the same time and be in the MTC together! LOL! It was cute!
...I better start saving my pennies! LOL
Here I am. It's 2am again. I can't sleep. I try. I really do. I just can't.
I have tons of fun pics I want to post to this... birthday parties, camping trips, easter etc. My cable for my little camera won't read in the new computer tower. Blast! So I uploaded them to the laptop... um.. yeah... why bother? The thumbnail to pick them from is TINY! And it keeps messing up because our touch pad is so sensitive and our wireless mouse is kaput. So...you just get verbal updates for now. ;) Sorry...
It has been a busy week. Day 3, 4 & 5 of being alone are over. :) Good news. Bad news? Being without him on the weekends seems 10x harder than the weekdays! We have tried to stay busy though! I am organzing and de-junking like crazy. I have a bunch of stuff I am going to list on KSL to try and make some money as well as get rid of. I have organized all the books in the house. I have organized Jes and my closets and the boys closet. I did all the laundry from A-Z including putting it all away. I alphabetized our CD collection (YES! I am bored and lonely ok??) and went through all our cassettes that we recorded back in the day and labeled and cleaned them out. My bedroom is almost all perfect, with the exception of a little more ironing...but I did a huge portion of that today!
However, amid all this lovely "kicking butt and taking names" motivation I tackled upstairs... my downstairs fell apart. I *love* having the kids home on days when I get in a groove. It almost makes it *not* worth it! LOL
Jestin is doing good. He is lonely too, but they are working hard. They put in 50 hours this week alone... and that was after driving down all day Monday! Not bad! I feel bad for him because he is staying with the guy he went down with's parents, and so he feels very odd man out. They are being super kind to him though! He has had a great breakfast everyday and a good dinner everynight! They are staying the parent's 5th wheel trailer and it is working out really well.
On an upnote... Jes did his first loads of laundry today!! My sweetheart is growing up! LOL! Actually I am a little nutty about the laundry... I like to do it for the most part... and I figure if I keep the laundry taken care of... then I don't have to learn about car maintenence! It is a good trade I think! I am excited for him to learn something new though... I always joked if anything ever happened to me someone was going to have to teach him how to do it! Tee hee hee!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Ok... really I am not going to mope and whine every day that Jestin is gone! LOL Today has been busy... I got up early, got everyone ready for the day and went to take an all day continuing education class for my Realtor's license. It was very interesting... but sadly... with only 3 hours of sleep I was going crazy trying to keep my eyes open towards the end! LOL I was so thankful to Caleb's friend Chase's mom for letting him come spend the day there. I signed up for this class when I had Jestin home...so I was stressing when it was the night before and I had no plan! Ah... but all is well that ends well.
I put my new bookshelves in the office closet today. My office looks like a bomb went off as I try to find a home for everything! I am considering a yard sale... I have quite a bit of stuff ... and listing stuff on KSL.com feels like too much work sometimes! LOL We'll see. My list of projects is getting longer by the minute.... I should probably hit the hay and try to sort it all out into a list in the morning...
Today is day Numero Uno of being a "single mom". We have prayed so feverently for work for Jestin, and now it has come. Much to my chagrin, it came in the form of out of town work... as in I won't see Jestin for 2 weeks at a time for at least 2 months if not longer. :( Grateful for the work/income. Disappointed about the location and separation.
Last night was torture! We all had the "impeding doom" sense going on and it was quiet and a little moddy around here. Jestin gave us all Priesthood blessings. They were short and sweet...but full of love and comfort. We got him mostly all packed and were in bed by midnight. He quickly fell asleep, but I laid there for hours listening to him breathe and just "feeling" him near me. I was upbeat and ok with it all, which made Jestin feel very happy about it all... until last night. The reality had set in and I started to feel nervous to be on my own all time... on so many levels! LOL
Today was ok. I got him out the door, kissed goodbye and on the road by 6am. I fell back asleep (unfortunately) and so when trying to help get kids out the door it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I must have been in limbo between an REM cycle! My eyelids were like lead! LOL! After the kids left, I fell back asleep. Caleb joined me and we curled up together...I slept, he watched PBS and drank a Carnation Instant Breakfast.
We did good as a family without a Dad this evening too. I used my birthday money from MJ and Dad to get two new bookshelves for our office (they were on sale at ShopKo for half off! Someone "upstairs" loves me!). The boys and I raided Jestin's tools and put them together...
We decided to go splurge and used the rest of my birthday $ on ColdStone for Family Home Evening. I had a coupon for a free icecream for my birthday (if you haven't done it... go to their website and sign up! We all get a free icecream coupon emailed to us for our birthdays! It's sweet! Literally! LOL) and then with our local store's Monday night special of buy one adult icecream get a kid one free, we made off with icecream for everyone at almost the same cost as a date night for Jestin and I! (whisperings of affection from above I tell ya! I feel so blessed!)
We came home, ate our treat and then played a couple of rounds of Uno...teaching Caleb to play for the first time. It was hoot! He was happy regardless of whether he was loosing cards or picking cards up and LOVED shouting UNO! We had just turned on the 10 o'clock news to see the weather when Jestin called us. He visited with each of the kids, asking about their days, and then we put him on speaker phone and he offered our family prayer. The Spirit was strong and we could feel how much we are loved by this great man in our lives. The kids all wished him goodnight and I told them to go up to their rooms, that I wanted to talk to Daddy for a minute and then would be up. Caleb got a displeasured look on his face and asked "am I suppose to pretend it is Daddy tonight?" He thought I was not going to tuck him in...that he was going to have to imagine it was Dad doing it! It was really super cute! LOL
And now here it is... almost 2:30 am. I have read emails, read Facebook, read blogs, cleaned up the entire downstairs, double checked all windows and doors, rotated laundry, etc...but now I really am missing Jestin tonight. I know this is temporary. I know it is not as bad as it could be. I know others have been through this and that it is ok. WE have been through it before. It is just a bummer...and a blessing... and I think it unfair to myself if I deny either one of those emotions! LOL
I know this will pass quickly and it will greatly bless our family.... THAT I KNOW ... it's just not much comfort to cuddle up to in the middle of a cold dark rainy night...