Jestin is home for a week. We are SOOOOO glad to have him back! Life is just NOT the same without him and California is just TOOO far away. (whiny I know!)
We have been approved for the State Health Insurance Program (PCN) for parents because of our lack of income, and now we will have insurance for 1 full year! Cannot BEGIN to explain the relief/joy/glee/humility/gratitude etc that this entails! We both will get our meds updated and adjusted and maybe even get Jestin's eye repaired? Who knows? Woot woot!
He also has been getting a few more phone calls for JWD Electric. We are deeply hopeful that we can keep our business and our personal financial lives going... but there has been so much shrapnel, I just don't know if we can save it or not. It is a work in progress to say the least!
The kids are officially out of school today! Caleb is done with pre-school. This whole phase of my life is over. No more preschoolers. Weird. Emmalee is done with elementary school. We will now start the Jr High "highs and lows" (oh boy.) Weirder. I have decided to enjoy our summer together and weep and wail about the changes later! *wink*
We are keeping the little dog again. Manina (Nina), aka Saydee, aka Zoey, is here for half the summer. Her new mommy and daddy are back east for 6 weeks and could not keep her with them on their visits to the LDS Church history sites. Her momma has called to check on her and misses her something fierce! Her "grandma" wants us to bring her over for the afternoon asap! LOL It is so wonderful! She is the most balanced I have EVER seen her! She *NEEDED* this new family. She is so obedient and happy! It is just amazing! Sophie and Nina are having so much fun wrestling and growling until they fall over in a puppy huddle and sleep for hours. It is just fun to watch. They have not had any of the competitiveness they did before. It is great!
I threw out my back carrying a 40 lb bag of chicken feed to the back yard. Oh wow! I had no idea what it entails to get older and weaker! My sister Jenny came and took care of me. She is a licensed Massage Therapist and a Medical Assistant so her understanding of how to "fix" the human body is just AMAZING! I was good after the first visit, until getting ready for Jes to come home... heh heh... I lifted the carpet cleaner up the stairs and didn't stop to rest on the way up (I was trying to hurry) and threw it out again! Now it is so painful to move. Sitting has to be done on the edge of the seat or I feel like my top half will collapse onto my lower half any moment. Pretty rotten to have happen while Jes is here... since I am in pain... but nice because he has been rubbing those muscles when I can't take it anymore. I went to see Jenny again today and it helped, but I think I let it hurt for too long and now I am just sore. I am hoping for a better tomorrow. *grin*
(btw - Jenny is out of AF/PG if any of you want her number LMK... she is AWESOME!!! And very reasonably priced! Nirvana Massage is her business)
We have no real plans for this Memorial weekend, other than save gas and stay home, and Jes work on some local jobs. If I can start using my back again I have a few more plants to get into the ground and would like to work on some odds and ends projects I can't do without Jestin. *HEE HEE*
Happy Memorial Day to you all! I hope you all take the time to remember those who served this great country of ours and honor them... even though our CRAPPY President's example is stellar. I hope we ALL can be better American's than our President... and honor our roots and our history!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Jestin is home for a week. We are SOOOOO glad to have him back! Life is just NOT the same without him and California is just TOOO far away. (whiny I know!)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Heather Dorius: shout out of thanks to the men in our lives who helped the boys with their pine wood derby cars!! ThAnKyOu!!! Also... thanks to all the neighbors who bought "pretty crystal rocks" from Caleb today and he went door to door... *blush* Mortified that he was telling people "we need the money"! Better watch who's around when I complain about creditors calling! *gulp* THANK YOU!! WE HAVE SUCH GREAT PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE!! :)
May 5 at 8:55pm ·
Like Kathy Gibson Thacker, Shannon Bellows Vincent and 2 others like this.
Norma Chaffin Hehehe!!! WTG, Caleb! Yours is not the first kid to go around the neighborhood peddling trinkets, Heather, nor will he be the last!
May 5 at 9:17pm ·
Jill Burningham He is so stinking cute! He told Brett he was selling a lady bug for a nickel, so Brett gave him a nickel and he let him look at it. He said that was enough to see it, but not to keep it! We got a good laugh out of it, he is way cute!!!!
May 5 at 10:37pm ·
Shannon Bellows Vincent Jessica told me last night about it. I thought it was so sweet and cute!
May 6 at 8:35am ·
Erin Caywood Askar Soraya was devistated when she found out that Caleb had sold the lady bug to "Bryn's brother". That was the hot ticket item last night--we should have acted faster!
May 6 at 10:53am ·
Jennilyn McKenna We love our little rocks! It was so cute how they divided them into different sizes :) Tim says he can help supply rocks next time around. :)
May 6 at 2:58pm ·
Heather Dorius LOL! This all cracks me up and completely embarasses me at the same time! He is TOO smart! Little pickle!
Jill~ I about peed my pants reading your comment! Little stink! That is SO funny!
May 6 at 3:22pm ·
Heather Dorius Jennilyn... Tell Tim thanks for the offer... LOL... but I think we will be nipping the rock selling in the bud! We all have enough rocks in this neighborhood without him charging for them! LOL
On a cute side note... he had cracked open the crystally ones and washed them all. He is quite the entrepenuer! LOL
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow... there'll be sun!!!
Things are feeling better. Nothing has changed, Jestin is still out of town working. I am still struggling to be the mom of 4 all alone. Our financial fu-bar gets deeper everyday...but I feel better!
I was able to go see my sweet bishop with Jes last weekend when he was home. I confessed my discouragement with life and finance and the correlation to Jestin's calling it seemed. I told him that I was struggling with this roller coaster of "having great faith" to "utter despair". I was tired, worn out and feeling quite sick on this ride. He was supportive and kind. And then he gave me a priesthood blessing.
THAT is what I have needed! I have needed to set aside my worldly cares and focus on the eternal. In short, he counseled to not think about how bad things really are (which was comforting to have him acknowledge in a way), that my Father in Heaven KNOWS it all, but that He has a grand design in it. I need to let go of my desire to control the now and focus instead on the eternal. AND on being a mom. He went into length about that and it was HUGELY comforting. He blessed my heart to be strong and function as I need it to while Jes is away. There was so much more that I don't think I should share, since it is sacred to me... but I feel so much stronger!
I would not truly be thankful I think if I did not post the grand change in my heart, soul and feelings that has occurred since then. My Father in Heaven has given me the courage I did not have. He has given me the peace I so desperately need. And I can feel, a little more each time, that when I turn my will to His... and am simply grateful for what I have now... not what I want/need next, He blesses me.
I am so thankful for the power of the Priesthood in my life. I am so thankful for all it bestows upon me and my family. I don't know how I would survive without the power of God in my life in such a profound and life altering way. How lost and alone I would feel!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Posted by ~~heather at 10:46 PM
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I have tried to update our blog with things I have not posted in chronological order. Thought I would make a post about them to save you time... in case you are REALLY interested in our lives and happenings and actually wanted to see pictures too! *grin* Enjoy!
Spring Break Camping Trip
Caleb's Birthday Party
Cody's Renaissance Fair
Visit to the MTC
Working with Dad
More to follow....
Posted by ~~heather at 10:09 PM
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I am finding some very interesting things out about myself this last month. I feel overwhelmed. And it's not like this never happens to me. It does. But not on the level I have felt it of late. I am operating on "autopilot"/"survival mode"... and do not like it!
I am a "joy in the journey" kind of gal. I like enjoying the life I am living. I even sometimes like my trials because they give me purpose and direction. Not this time. This time has been different. Very Very Different!
I am drowning. Literally I feel as though I am out in the rough water, large waves crashing over me, rainbows and glimpses of heaven passing by giving me hope now and again, meanwhile most of those around me who love me are standing on the sidelines cheering me on... often saying in effect "You can do it Heather! We have seen you be SO strong before! We are waiting for you to do it again!"
Meanwhile.. I just need someone to throw me a freakin' life vest.
I have done unemployment before.
I have done financial struggles before.
I have done Jestin being gone, working out of town before, with littler kids!
I have done heart health issues before.
I have done no sleep before.
I have had very close friends hurt me or drop out of my life before.
I have done hard family issues before.
I have done family not understanding, and/or taking offense because I can only do so much.
I haven't done the reality of facing my future as I am having to do right now, but I knew deep down inside someday this day would come. And I need to start trying to figure out where I am going and what I am going to do to provide for our family.
But I realize I have not done them all at once before! I realize that this time I am NOT strong. The faith is there. I know it is. I just can't seem to hold onto it. And I feel like I am failing in the most miserable way.
And it changes minute to minute with no way to control it!
Catty as it may be... one minute I feel strong and loved by God and ready to face it all. The next I am a ball of tears on my bedroom floor praying for a way out. Heavenly Father sends me sweet whisperings and tokens of His love and support, but I have no tangible answers to hang on to. I have felt a complete loss of self, direction and purpose the last month or so. And within hours I feel all alone again.
Not at all to say that I have lost my testimony.
Not at all to say that I doubt God nor His goodness.
I just feel like I am being left alone to figure out some of the hardest things I have ever faced, all at once.
Last night I was talking to my sister Nicole. She was so full of love and inspiration. (I am so thankful for her!)She shared a thought she had heard at a "Time out for Women" in Washington. The speaker talked about David and Goliath. He spoke about how before David ever faced Goliath, he faced lions, and he faced bears. And at the time they were really challenging for him! The "hardest he has ever faced" at that time. But he took what he had learned through those experiences and used them to eventually face his greatest obstacle... Goliath, the Giant. It was a profound thought process. And I really have appreciated her sharing this with me to mull over and apply. I think I have seen some of my lions and bears... could this be part of my Goliath?
Also today I have thought about something else. I recently watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with Emmalee because she finished the book. There is a scene where Harry, a wizard, is in grave danger and to save himself and another he must conjoir a Patronus Charm. It is one the most powerful spells you have to conjoir. He fails, but as imminent destruction looms over him, he sees a Patronus come to his rescue! Out past where he saw it come from he thinks he saw his dad, who had died when he was a baby, conjoiring it. Later in the story, he has gone back in time to save a life, and realizes as he watches the scene of himself where he needs the Patronus, that it was actually HIMSELF that was casting the spell. His comment later, when his companion expresses awe at what he was able to do to save himself and another with that charm was: "I knew I could do it... because I already had!"
This comment has also been swirling in my head.
I HAVE done many of these same trials before. I have. I can. And I know how.
I also spoke with my dear friend, Amy, and she got some other wheels turning. She expressed feelings similar to mine, but for different reasons, but she said something to the effect of : maybe we are enduring these hard things to prepare us for something else.
I have spent a lot more time on my knees. I have been seeking answers, comfort and guidance more than ever before. I have sought for personal revelation and been reading my scriptures and other good literature more than I ever have before. I have been laying my troubles at the Lord's feet, mostly because I just cannot bear them, more than I ever have before.
And when I feel myself loosing hope, feeling alone, or unloved, I turn again to these things. I am being "brought to the table of His power and love" over and over and over again.
Maybe there is no resolution right now for the things that are plaguing my life. Maybe I won't get the answers I seek, the quick fix I so desperately ache for. Maybe it is time for me to just allow myself to be lead back to my Savior and to my Heavenly Father over and over and over again.
Maybe something is coming... and I need to be in that right place when it does. I need to trust. Even if I don't want to. As I was typing this song came into my head. It has been balm to my soul more times that I can tell...
Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
’Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—
All is well! All is well!
Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
’Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we’ll have this tale to tell—
All is well! All is well!
All IS well. God knows. He knows. H.A.R.D. as this may be for me... all is well. I know it will be. It just HAS to be!!
And I will just keep swimming....
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I love this picture! They are so different...each of my boys.
Their personalities are completely different.
Their interests are completely different.
Their dreams are completely different.
And I love them all the same!
They are my future.
They are my work of art.
My gift from God, and my gift TO God.
I, as their mother, must teach them as did the mothers of the Strippling Warriors. These are my soldiers in the battle between good and evil on this earth in the last days. It is MY responsibility to help them cultivate the testimony that they need to suceed in their mortal missions. It is my responsibilty to help them be ready to fly from the nest, cut the apron strings, etc etc and stand on their own two feet and raise their own family and cherish their own sweet wife one day. I have the sacred responsibilty to teaching them how to treat others, how to be honest, how to meet lifes struggles!
And time is quickly slipping away! Cody will be 19, "ready" to go on a mission in 8 years! That is a blink of an eye in comparison to how long ago it feels like Cameron was born! If I blink I might miss it!
These are my "strippling warriors" of the last days... and I better make sure they KNOW so that they will not have fear, that they will go out and do what is required of them to bring to pass the goodness of God.
It is a daunting task... being the mother to 3 such amazing, smart and busy boys!! :)
* I am sitting here with a hot pad on my chest and a warm laptop on my lap... and I am STILL cold!
* I gave into FarmVille (game on FACEBOOK) again while Jestin is away... thinking I should not have... I like to organize it WAY too much! LOL
* Emmalee's chest hurts, she is cold and she just lays here... it's Saturday and all her friends should be able to play today. She MUST really not feel well.
* I had a wonderful invitation to BYU Women's Conference this weekend. I wanted to go SO much. But I was a good girl and let my motherly responsibilities as a "single mom", my lack of funds and the guidance of the Spirit to talk me out of going. *sigh* NEXT YEAR! There is always next year...
* I really really really wanted to cut out all sugar and hit a workout routine hard while Jestin was gone on this CA job... sadly... I must admit... going without Jes was enough. I couldn't/can't do it. Sad huh?
* We have 4 new baby chicks! Well.. they are about a month old now. 3 Amerucunana's and 1 orphan-no-one-is-sure-what-I-am chick. They are so sweet!
* We love having fresh eggs!
* My clean house has gone wayward this week. It was almost spotless for Jes to come home last weekend... he left and I just didn't quite care as much...I really tried to... just couldn't find it in me. LOL
* I am tired of this particular trial... mostly because there are so few options to choose from to fix it. I want to be able to fix it... or even see the path that we should take! There seems only to be dead ends and answers of "be patient" and "just wait". Meanwhile it really feels like we are out of time. Interesting. If this wasn't my own life I wonder if I would learn more from it...??
* My garden is all plowed and ready to plant since last monday, but I have not been able to go outside to do anything in it because of the storms. My peas are fermenting on the kitchen counter... I wish I hadn't soaked them! LOL
* Jes is working hard down there. He sounds so tired each night.
* Pat (the guy he is working with)'s Mom got Jestin fried chicken and all the fixings, and a cheesecake for his birthday on tuesday while he was down there. It was SO very kind of her! I get teary just thinking about it.
* I cried almost all of Tuesday.
* During this cold snap I cleaned both my ovens! :) Go me!
* I also deep cleaned my kitchen floor. Of course, Caleb spilled peach drink all over it not even an hour later and Cam has since got paint on it! LOL The joys of motherhood! Tee hee hee
* The two older boys have the Pine Wood Derby this week... their Daddy will miss it. Luckily they have a great Uncle who is going to come and be their last minute helper if their cars need help! LOL
* My sweet neighbor brought me chocolate cookied filled with carmel... and I cannot stop craving them! YUM!!
* I am working on a cookbook for our ward. It really is so fun! I can't wait to have it all done!
* I have a pile of stuff in my livingroom to get rid of... wondering if I should try selling some of it (a few things I have listed with no calls) or just haul it to DI! LOL
* I need something tasty to eat... time to go figure out dinner... *sigh*
I really miss my sweetheart!!