Better today :)

Life has thrown our family some loops the past year, and few months... and it is ALL GOOD! *wink* After all...that is what life is right? Constantly changing and full of new and exciting challenges?

Jestin needs to have eye surgery. His Type I Diabetes has really done some damage this year. I know it has much to do with his focus being elsewhere for obvious reasons, but this too shall pass. The eye Dr. told us that if things didn't change he would be blind in 1-3 years. The damage has been done... but it can be prevented a bit better to give him much longer opportunity for vision. We have a pending appointement with a retinal specialist and are meeting with a new primary care Dr to get his sugars under better management. We feel encouraged by all of this...and after going through initial shell shock...we are now prepared to "fight the fight". And we will win! Jess has already lost 5lbs just in testing his blood more often and compensating for the variances...so that is encouraging. :)

Cam seems to be fine after his little nut scare. It adds one more thing to list for this mom to be cautious about, but it is do-able. He is such a good kid and though he fights me on many things... he is very vigilant on his own about his allergies and such and we see eye to eye on it hands down. It was very scary to me. And I had not acknowledged how much it was scary to me. It was. It is over. He is ok... but I will admit I was scared S---less nonetheless! *grin*

The other loop is I never allowed myself to cry going through all the heart stuff. Deep down I wondered if by crying about it and being scared that it somehow made me have less faith and even some un-gratefulness for all who helped make it possible. I dont know... but I had not cried about it at all since my blessing from the bishop in Feb. It was all bottled up. I exploded finally. *blush* What a mess. It took a trigger of not hearing from my Cody the entire week he was gone to Lake Powell (the one place I have ever worried I would lose a child to accident - ie; drowning) and my body brought it all to a head. Today is thursday and I lost it on Sunday... and it has taken a day or three, but today I am on much more stable ground. MUCH MORE. I feel strong and brave again. I feel released and happy. Halleluyah. There has been so much more involved in it all... but I will say one thing:

Ladies (especially) DO NOT hold it in. Let it out. Feel the feelings of this life. You don't have to be too brave. You dont have to be so strong. You dont have to keep it all together all the time.

Believe me... your body won't let you. *giggle*

So no worries here... I am dressed to fight. I am back to win. Life can no longer drag me all over and shake me like a rag doll. (for today anyway! LOL) I will take what the Lord has in store for me... and I will try to do my best... as always...
~~heather