3 going on 17...

I am still quite shaken and need to "emotionally throw up". What a heart stopping experience we had today...although I guess it was technically yesterday as it is 1:30 am and I still can't sleep. Today I was affraid at one point my littlest man would be the source of an Amber Alert.

It has been a busy day today...and after going grocery shopping for the 1st time in as many weeks as I can remember... I settled into my pantry... cleaning, re-organizing and planning for the miriad of fresh fruits and veggies awaiting preservation in my garage as we speak. Jess has been home all day, and covering a large base of "honey-do"s for me. The kids were all home from school, flitting about playing with neighbors etc. Jess had gathered them together and they had all congregated at the kitchen table to do homework. I could hear them and was prompted to ask, "where's Caleb?" from the pantry. I got a mixture of answers... playing next door, in the sand box and upstairs playing. I requested that one of them go and see which was the case. And being that they are all responsible enough, then assumed that "someone" followed through. (I was after all burried behind boxes and bottles made into piles in re-arranging things)

About 15ish minutes later the prompting came again. This time with HUGE force. "where is Caleb?" I asked as I pondered that I had not heard his whine since my last request (yes...sadly we are at the terrible 3's whinner fest stage...*insert rolling eyes*)

"not sure." "I haven't seen him" and "I dont know..." abounded.

I leapt over the piles and as I did so one of the replies was "last I saw him he was playing with his buddy Sam." And I hate to admit it... but often that is that case as we both have open door policies most of the time with the older ones...and the littler ones follow suit. I grabbed the bowl that belonged to Sam's mom and headed over hoping to find him bellied up to a pile of toys at her house. She informed me she hadn't seen him recently...and she informed me that the other 2 neighbors he often congregated at were not at home...they had soccer games. I felt this horrid knot in the pit of my stomach. I could hear the prompting echoing in my ears once again... and I hadn't listened!

I ran home and looked for his big wheel bike. It was gone. I grabbed my keys and hopped in the car....as I yelled to Jess that Caleb was missing. The neighbor told me that some of the kids headed across the road that he is not suppose to cross to play and he might be that way. I drove off in that direction. Jess started walking quickly in the general direction as well.

I found his bike a block and a half away. I rang the doorbell of every neighbor close to his bike, only to find their children his age had come in long before and they hadn't seen him. I called Jess and told him I found his bike. He ran home and got his truck to follow suit and comb the neighborhood more fully. Emmalee called a few minutes later to say his "awesome bike" (his 2 wheeled one with training wheels) was missing as well. My heart sunk. He could be anywhere...

I knew how much he loves his very best friend Jesse. (we call them Kick and Sidekick they are so close) And I knew he had whined earlier that he wanted to go there. I drove there as fast as I could while still watching for him and screaming his name. A knock on the door found no sign of him...but Jesse's family loaded up and they began the search too.

I have to admit I lost it at this point. I had been looking for him for well over 10-15 minutes...and it had been almost 40+ minutes since my 1st impression...that I didn't follow through on myself. (grr. I hate it when I am so stubborn!) My little blonde angel could be anywhere with anyone. I wanted to scream. I wanted to barf. I wanted to cry until it became less of a reality. I have not been so scared in a long time. I called Jess to see if he had seen him yet... with a fruitless answer. I hung up in tears.

Does one call the police this soon? He is only 3! will they think me a horrible mother? he is only 3! where in the hell could he be?? I was running out of ideas! and my voice was cracking as I called his name over and over...

Now... I used to think growing up that my little sister was a spoiled brat. It's true. I did. It wasn't really that she got everything she wanted... but I think it was more that she was SO strong willed and stubborn and non compliant... that often they gave in to avoid the struggle. So not like me. Of course... grated she is now one of my very best friends... but as a child I was intimidated by her personality. You obey. That is how it was in my mind.... and she always wanted to know why...and if the reason was not good enough it held no water. And my Caleb is just like her...

And I knew he was somewhere... and being fiesty to boot! As I was fingering my phone...ready to call 911... it rang. Maria (Jesse's mom) was gulping for air through sobs on the other end. She found him!! He was 2 blocks from home... over half way to their house... playing with some kids he doesn't know in a backyard he's never been to. And he was mad. I drove straight there... I had driven by there at least 3-4 times screaming his name... and as I pulled up I could see his little body language upset with her because he was playing and he was not leaving.

I ran to him and picked him up....and the tears fell for a moment... and then I was mad too. I told him he was in BIG trouble....while trying not to raise my voice...and he looked up at me and said "I not in twouble! You in twouble Mommy!" He wanted to down and he wanted to go play. He had NO idea what had transpired! He was simply playing and we were interupting. He was THRILLED to have so much unawarded freedom and he had no intention of giving it up!

Maria called Jess and we all felt the utter horror and relief of what had happened and what could have happened. As I stood there holding him... arguing with him... and shaking like a leaf I looked over and sure enough there was his "awesome bike". How did I miss it so many times?! I had bailed out to run up to a house multiple times thinking this bike or that bike was his... ugh! And he had likely heard me screaming for him and ignored me because he was happy where he was, and playing what he was playing....

So... we took him home and I held him. And he squirmed. And I didn't care. I am still learning how to deal with such a willful little mite. I know he thinks he can do anything the other kids can, and I know, just like my baby sister, none of my explanations hold water for him... but I thank God for the Holy Ghost that prompts... even if it took me WAY too long to follow through. I thank God my free spirited little pickle is home safe in his bed.

And I am thankful to be his Mommy....my heart just breaks to think I almost lost him! Even if he "lost" himself!