Finding my way back...

I am finding my way back. I have been in a very dark place... and I dropped my basket in a big big way. I went to the doctor yesterday for another case of strep throat (yea me :P) , and to ask him about my mental state. He really thinks it is steroid related. I took my last one on wednesday. It may take up to a week to get it all out of my system. The hope it brought that it could be the steroids and that I am not really psychotic and depressed brought me great hope.

I just want to be ME again. There is so much stressful stuff going on... that without the hope and faith I normally have... I can not bear it. I just want to be me.

Today was a little bit better. I could smile without faking it. I even laughed once or twice! And I did not have any super angry thought processes. There is improvement. And deep down I find some peace in that.

We are a week away from our sale date. No definitive answers. We are pursuing all we can... and trying to dig deep and have faith in miracles. We believe in miracles... we just don't know if they will apply to our home in this recession, with our unemployment history this time. We want it. Really we do.

The bishop gave us both blessings today. They were comforting. We will be ok. Whatever happens... it will be the Lord's will... and it will be ok.

We have had a couple of friends offer us a place to stay and/or a place to park our trailer. We are loved and wanted... and this life is temporary. Right?

I find it interesting that after I have a period of great emlightenment, it is followed by extreme adversity. *sigh* I wish Satan didn't work so hard. Doesn't he realize he isn't going to win in the end anyway? He will still end up miserable and ALONE...even if some of us choose to follow him? We WONT be together. He is an idiot.

The light is coming back. It will just take time. And lots and lots of chocolate! ;)