They didn't sell our house today...

It has been an insane week.
I.N.S.A.N.E.
Here is a quick update:
SUNDAY: We went to church. My mental state was not good, and after realizing I could feel myself cracking again, I had Jes bring me home right after Sacrament meeting. Listening to the choir practice my most favorite song about the Savior, and feel *nothing* I knew I was in trouble! When I got home I fully meant to get things ready for Cam's family party/dinner that night, but instead curled up on the couch and slept until the rest of the family got home 2 hours later. Everyone pitched in and we got the house mostly whipped into shape, and the 4 homemade pizzas started. I got Cam's cake made. And then family started arriving. Cam had a great time, and was thrilled with his own decorating skills - he blew up an entire bag of balloons and half a bag of water balloons (hello! I didn't know you could blow them up with air! LOL). The floor was covered! (I will make another post about his party) I struggled to keep a happy face, but somehow was able to hide it for the most part. At one point, when Jes' mom was peppering us with questions about the house and I got a little snarky and said that "this is a party and we are suppose to be smiling!!". Hinting that the subject was ruining the party. It wasn't very kind of me... but I knew I couldn't go there with *everyone* around and Cam's party being made into a downer.
After everyone left, Jes asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. Steel Magnolia's was my choice. I felt emotionless and wanted to see if I really was. Unfortunately it proved my fears. I was. I didn't laugh. And worse... I didn't cry. *ugh* I didn't like how I felt. I went to bed, hoping with all my heart that the next day would be better.

MONDAY: We made lots of phone calls. Lawyers. Our lender. We gathered evidence for a possible litigation against W.F. for what they have done with our loan modification and their dishonesty. All of a sudden, in the middle of the day, Jes smiled really big. He said he hadn't heard my laugh in over 2 weeks and it thrilled him to hear it. The realization was awesome! I had some good feelings and I DID laugh and mean it! LOL. The pathway from what my mind knew I felt, to what my heart felt, seemed to be healing! :) I spent a good portion of the day sleeping. We were invited to Jes' 1st counselors for dinner and FHE that evening and it was so nice to get out of the house and socialize. I still struggled some to smile and laugh, but they were great hosts and I was glad we went.

TUESDAY: We met with our attorney. He was super thorough and evaluated our complete situation. He gave us our options and told us to go home and discuss it. He can save our home from being sold by helping us declare bankruptcy. We were NOT excited about that option. It feels like failure, after we have done EVERYTHING we can to keep it all together, and we don't have THAT much debt! We just haven't had steady income! But... W.F. painted us into a corner. We have no choice. File and save our home from the sheriff's sale, or keep our debts and Jes' business, and have to move three days from today. We came home and started filling out all the paperwork, while discussing our options. Finally, we simply dropped everything and drove to the Temple to do initiatories. We both went seeking answers to our dilemma. It was WONDERFUL. No... We didn't receive direct answers, but we felt filled with courage. We didn't feel like we were told "yes this is the answer", but we also didn't get "no! don't do it" either. We both agreed to move forward - since it seemed the only pathway we have - and if it is wrong, we prayed that Heavenly Father would stop us. We put our faith in Him that He would. We *need* a roof over our kid's heads... more than we need our pride.

WEDNESDAY: We met with our attorney again and signed all the papers. It was all official. We throw in the towel. We will try to re-affirm our home, our cars and the camp trailer if they will let us. We owe more than any of these items are worth, so our attorney imagines that they will work with us. Our gamble is that Jes doesn't have steady income, so that is our next hurdle to conquer. We have to show we can pay for them! Our filing has bought us time... but we still have some major kinks to iron out.
We came home from our meeting, kind of in a daze. It was deflating to give up. We have worked SOO hard to keep everyone paid with little to no income for over 2 years now! We have sweated blood to keep JWD going and our house payment made until they counseled us to not pay it to get approved for a modification! We have done every last stupid item W.F. ever asked us to do, only to have them lie to us and bait and switch. Our mistake was trusting them, and believing them that "the forclosure was just protocol, and they wouldn't really sell it". We felt relieved that we "saved" our home from being taken from us in just days, but we also mourned the force of hand we had taken. It was sad. Just plain sad.
We wished we knew *for sure* we did the right thing.
Just hours after signing everything, Jes' phone rang. It was an employer from Ogden. He talked to Jes as length, and *really* wants to hire him. After discussing the cost of driving (about $400 every 2 weeks just in fuel) and the 2 hours of commute each way every day, the employer said he would get back to us ASAP. He wants Jes. He is going to try and work something out.
It was a HUGE boost to Jes' spirits.
Then, within a half an hour, he received inside information about a job at a local school district as their electrician. They have great benefits and retirement. The pay isn't great, but with fewer bills, we could make it work! He applied immediately. We both felt awed. We got our answer.
We stepped blindly into the dark. We moved forward with something super scary, having only faith in God as our hope. And AFTER it was over, these blessings of hope came. We felt encircled in the love of God. We will be ok. There is still much YUCK to wade through. We still have much to sort out. But we are being led... and we are trusted to make the right choice. And even though the choice was excruciating... and still makes me feel slightly sick to my stomach... we know it will be ok. We will take what we have learned and we will be better for it. We will be blessed for it. He is aware of us and trusts us!
We were invited to Jes' grandparents for dinner that night, and although we were emotionally exhausted, it was nice to sit and visit with them. It was nice to just be loved. And smiling came a little easier. It was a week this day since I went off the steroids.... and each day has gotten a little better.

THURSDAY: Yesterday Jes and Cody had to go to the Dr. They both have strep. Jes has step throat and Cody has scarlet fever. Thank HEAVENS for our new Dr! He got them right in and they have their antibiotics to get them on the up and up ASAP. I had a physical therapy session, and my therapist said I was doing so well he doesn't want to see me for 2 weeks. He said we have regained almost all of the physical pathways, and now we are just rebuilding strength. He said he is so proud of my improvements, even with 2 bouts of strep throat and this depression craziness! It was balm to my soul. The end is in sight. And I may be cleared to drive again really soon! That brought me joy! REALLY! I fely joy! Halleluyah!

Today was suppose to be the day our house was sold out from underneath us.

We are feeling more at peace with our choice today. There has been NO information from our modification officer. He did NOT get our case finished in time like he claimed he would. Just like we were afraid he wouldn't. We really did ALL that we could to save our home... even by "giving up". Today is another whisper that this is the right path for us. Instead of being victims, we have taken back control.

We could still loose our home if they choose not to re-affirm with us after this is all final, but by that point I won't be so close to recovering from a stroke anymore and may have the strength to pack and move a family of 6! There won't be snow on the ground anymore so we can move into our trailer if we need to. And we will have some time now to know we need to find a place to live instead of being told "it will all be ok" only to have our home be sold and be left with 3 days to move out.

We are going to do all that we can to keep our house. This is our home. We love it here. And we are willing to pay them the price we paid for this house - even though it is $70k more than what it is worth! Seems like a no-brainer for the bank to me! (Idiots... ((insert rolling eyes)) )

My good friend Zulie took me to lunch today, and I felt more than I have felt in 3 weeks. My heart and soul pathways are healing really well. I feel more like myself. I can see some hope. I can feel the Spirit again (which was *the hardest* part about all this emotional/steroid stuff!) and I have laughed a lot today. Can there really be an end to this darkness I have been struggling through??

THANKYOU So much for all your thoughts and prayers. It has been so dark around here, and I know that we made it through because of prayers... and not our own! ;) Someday soon I pray the song that keeps popping into my mind is right... "The sun'll come out...TOMORROW!... bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...there'll be sun!" :)