Hospital Trip - Part 3 - Admittted/ Day 1

I was wheeled to a room on the 3rd floor, where my dear sweet Suzie was waiting. It was just after 5 am - Feb 4th. Neurological test, after test, after test, were performed. Everyone that came in seemed to want the answer to 3 specific questions: What's your name? What's your birthday? Do you know where you are? *sigh* I don't think Suzie and I had more than 10-15 minutes alone at a time! It was non-stop. I don't know how she stayed awake! We talked and tried to keep our minds off it all... though the conversation kept going back to the crisis at hand. What was I going to do now?

They feared it was a new stroke. They were almost certain.

I could not stomach it. Memories of how hard hard hard it was to recover last time... and the toll it took on my family, and the amount of work it would be... not to mention the loss of all that I had worked SOO hard to regain... and then my newest pathways with regards to school and numbers! I just couldn't stomach it. I had to believe it was not a new stroke! I HAD to.

Sometime that morning, Suzie and I called my mom. I knew she was planning to go to Idaho to see my Grandpa that morning... and I knew she would turn the car around the minute she heard, so we called her before she left. She and my dad immediately came right down to relieve Suzie. I was not going anywhere anytime soon.... and my sweetheart was at home fevering in bed.

Beyond that phone call, no calls were made for a while. No exchange of information. My mind could barely keep up with the events in the here and now... and I had to close my eyes to process each one as they happened. "What's your name?" - "What's your birthday?"

Yeah. Scary huh? That is a FULL smile.

And YIKES my hair looks fantastic post MRI! LOL

At some point, Suzie headed home to take care of her own family and get some sleep. My mom came and stayed. She took over all the information gathering, and I was able to allow that stimulation to diminish. It was a never ending entourage of doctors and specialists. Neurologists, cardiologists, internal medicine doctors, nurses, aids, physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapist.

"What's your name?" - "What's your birthday?"

Finally the words I longed to hear.

It was NOT a new stroke.

Another set of words I didn't know I longed to hear:

It is not M.S.

So then what?

Another MRI... this time of my neck and blood vessels.

And an echo cardiogram.

(My Daddy loved that one!

Watching the bubble shoot through my heart as it pumped was pretty cool! LOL)

My Daddy bought me a little friend.

Meet Cleopatra - "Cleo"

The heartache of my little family being at home, sick, without me, the mommy!, and unable to come see me, or me see them, while facing all of this, was almost more than I could bear.

So, this 35 year old mother of 4, held onto her little stuffed puppy, which my sister Jenny rubbed down with my favorite "feel better" essential oil (Theives) and smelled her... and shed some tears.

Jenny came at one point in the day and let Mom and Dad go home to rest. At some point my mom called Jes' mom... after we realized that Jes had spent the entire day asleep in bed, with Emma asleep on the couch, and the boys watching movies all day... and no one had called her! I sobbed. I knew she would be heartbroken to find out almost a day later. And to know that Jes was so sick he didn't even leave his bed, when he knew the kids were fending for themselves... (he hates to leave them to fend for themselves and is SUCH a good dad!) I knew it was bad. And I was strapped to a hospital bed, unable to even walk to the bathroom. I only called him once or twice. There was never anything definitive to say... unless he wanted to know my name or birthday!

And I could tell hearing my voice, and my inability to talk was breaking his heart. When I finally called him that morning after my MRI's and he was awake for a minute... he has been sobbing. We could barely communicate. We just listened to one another breathe and felt each others presence. It was excruciating.