A flare up with my heart

I have not wanted to post about this... maybe hoping it was all a bad dream? :P I don't know... I think it goes back to my "stick my head in the sand" attitude. Not a great attitude to adopt of course, but well... I cope well with it! Bwahahaha!

The kids all had really bad colds last week. Caleb started with it a few days before Cameron's baptism weekend, and by the grace of our Father in Heaven, and I KNOW for my sake, he improved the 2 days we had houseguests and a luncheon to prepare. He seriously was really sick the whole night up with me and then the next day (the day our houseguest arrived) he seemed just fine. We made it through the weekend, and literally they walked out the door and he was completely ill again. It was the craziest most miraculous thing ever! I KNEW I could not physically do all that needed to be done for the baptism with a houseful of guests etc *and* have a sick child coughing all night and needing me and my sleep hours etc. I was SO SO SO thankful! Miracles really do happen! (Sadly, our houseguests took home the bug and they too are sick now, but, well, we would not have traded our times together anyway! It was worth it! *grin* We are so thankful they could come!)

And so, the next few days following the baptism, were a blur of all the kids catching this wicked cold bug and watching movies, breathing treatments, medicating and trying to keep the germs down. It was a long week. Thankfully the boys were out of school the whole week, so Emmalee is our only one with mountains of homework to catch up. (silver linings!)

I started with some snuffy nose stuff, but not much else, other than feeling run down by it all, late Friday night. Saturday I still had some small symptoms; mostly I had no voice and just was tired. My heart had also began hurting, which I just attributed to "over-do"ing in the care of my sick kids, etc.

Sunday Jestin let me sleep in until 11am (really it was 10 am if you didn't count day light savings! *blush* LOL) He had no meetings that morning, so he was making us all breakfast. I was especially exhausted and said good morning to him and then sat in my chair for a bit. A little while later he asked me where something was and I stood up and headed for the kitchen. I only made it half way across the kitchen when I realized I was going down. I luckily was close to a counter, and it only was a "grey spell", so I could hang on to the counter until my blood flow caught back up and I could stand errect.

Now... really... this should have been my first clue. This rarely happens anymore, so I should have listened to my body and stayed home. But I really wanted to attend at least Sacrament meeting! I had not really been out of the house (except for a training class) for over a week! My good friend's son was also speaking in church and I really didn't want to miss it! So, knowing I was having a weak heart day, I skipped a shower, just got dressed and combed my hair and we took Cody and went to church. (The other 3 were still coughing quite a lot, and though they felt better, we thought they wouldn't sound so hot in a quiet meeting! LOL)

We found a spot towards the back (thank goodness) and sat down. I had not sat there very long when I realized I could be in trouble here quick. My hands and feet started to tingle and I could feel my heart pounding fast and hard. I made it through the 1st two talks and the cute musical number by a Daddy and his two little girls before I turned to Jestin and told him I HAD to leave. I had to lay down and get my heart in a better rhythum. I could feel myself needing to pass out and "re-set".

We stood up and walked out. I was focusing really hard on just moving forward and getting to the car and home. In the foyer we passed our friend, Pat, and he sensed that something was wrong. He started following us down the hall to the door, asking us what was wrong. Jes stopped and turned to answer him and I lost all momentum. I had a grey spell in his arms. Pat was really scared by this. He sent Jes to get the car. My Relief Society Pres (and dear friend Zulie) had seen us get up and leave and she had followed us too. She was on one side of me and Pat was on the other. My sweet visiting teacher's husband had also come out to check on me and he stood behind us.

I tried really hard to stay with it until Jes brought the car around, but standing at the door, about to exit the building, I could not fight it anymore. I passed out. It was a very quick recovery, and luckily I could speak quickly following, as they were talking of calling 911! I explained through gasps of breath that I didn't need an ambulance (we still owe them hundereds from the epi-pen incident - I was not going to call them for a mere fainting spell!) and that I knew I just needed to go lay down and get my heart to stop acting funny. I could not deal with the pounding any more!

Pat said that my VTer's hubby, Jack, had grabbed a chair and was standing behind me hoping to "catch" me... LOL... but I don't faint like in the movies. I never fall backwards... I always just loose all support of any muscles I own and I crumple. It was really sweet of him though!

Pat sent Jack to get another gentleman from our ward to help him get me out of the building. (I think he thought Jes couldn't help? not sure *giggle* I think he was just a little freaked out by it all). So Pat & Brent helped get me to the car, and then hopped in to come home with us and make sure I could get into the house ok. It was SO SUPER sweet of them! Embarrasing as the whole ordeal was, I really was thankful they were there.

Jestin, with the help of Pat and Brent, gave me a blessing before they headed back to the church. It was a beautiful blessing! And it was such a gift!

I was told and that this "ailment" would heal itself "in a timely manner", and as he said those words, I felt the whisperings of understanding and peace that the children's cold virus had settled into my heart muscle, and that I would be ok. I was told to rest a lot, not to over-do or push, and not allow myself to feel like a burden and to allow others to serve. The spirit was SO strong. I felt such an amazing amount of love and peace. It was really discouraging to know that I was not going to feel better immediately etc, but it was a HUGE miracle to me to be whispered what was really wrong and the peace that afforded me. I could not bear the thought of going to the Doctor financially right now, so it was an answer to a whispering in my heart.

The Lord is so mericiful and kind. I have felt peace and comfort through this experience. I have been blessed with a softened heart, where there once was hurt and anger for another's carelessness & selfishness in disregarding our efforts to avoid exposure to this ailment in the first place. I have been blessed to know how much the Priesthood can do more than just heal and bless. Personal revelation has increased. I feel so unworthy of such things, and yet I am so utterly thankful for them.

Honestly, this sucks. I had a good exercise program begun, that now I will have to start baby steps again when this all passes. The info you can read online about cold virus in the heart are scary and sure help to keep me laying low! LOL!! Heart attacks and stroke are not something I want to play with ANY time soon! My heart continually pounding like I just finished a race is spending much of my energies. And of course, not being able to sleep at night because it is too quiet and my heart beat pounds in my head and keeps me up, added to the horrific nightmares that appearantly accompany a fast beating heart when you are asleep and well, it is all exhausting to say the least! But this too shall pass. Sleeping during PBS kids ('cause it's noisy) is good... and Caleb loves that I am "watching" it with him! *grin*

I will recover. It will be ok. The pain in my heart will end. I will be able to sleep again. I had a dear friend pick up some heartburn meds for me, after she followed a prompting, so I can get some sleep on my back without burning up my throat, and I can sleep better that position because I can't hear the beating quite as loud! LOL

Ah... so there is the update. Nothing too serious if I be good. And there is an end in sight! :) A special thanks to my "super heros" who rescued me at church, for those who have listened to the spirit on my behalf and for those whose prayers I can feel. I am sad to be slowed down yet again... but I am thankful for my life just the same! :)