Quick Update on Us

Things at the Dorius household move forward. My heart has gotten over the cold in it for the most part. I don't have the energy levels I did before, but to not have it pounding in my ears 24/7 is a god-send! And I can stand up without fainting so that is nice too! *GRIN* I am going to try to avoid the cold virus as much as I can... yuck! XXcrossing fingersXX and washing hands!
We are in a vortex of terror when it comes to our finances. For me I see no real way out. Only Heavenly Father and His miracles can help us at this point. Jestin has had some small jobs. They catch up some of the bills that are more than 60 days late. (Isn't THAT fun to confess? not.) We are paying our second trial payment of the morgage loan modification today. Then we will only have one payment left in the trial period. I don't know if that means we will be all done... or what. So many have been strung along for months and months when trying to modify. I pray it is quick. But the reality of here and now is not so good. The pharmaceutical company refuses to return my calls about the Epi-Pen malfunction and now I have $3k in medical bills going to collections because we have had no way to pay them. We have 2 years of back taxes on a payment plan with the IRS from a mess our CPA accidentally got us in. We have never made any money to even make ends meet since then to even try to get that paid down... and that is super scary!!Now this last years taxes are coming due in 15 days and we will be even more in debt. It is just a mess. And is really scares me to the core.
My parents are buying our prescriptions to keep us alive. Our ward is paying our utilities. We were quite easily put on food stamps with the amount of income we have had, which was both embarrasing and a huge blessing. People all around us are loosing their homes... and their jobs. I just keep trying to keep my chin up and my face forward and doing the best I can with what I have. We are eating. For now we have a home. Our cars are still parked in the driveway...for now. The kids clothes that they are growing out of will soon be able to be cut off and used for summer clothes! YEA! Silver linings. And hopefully the end of dependence on someone else will soon be over. I SO miss standing our own two feet!!!!! I want my own life back. I miss it. But we continue to pay our tithing and our fast offerings and have faith that somehow it will turn itself around. I know it will. And I know we are blessed. It is just SO hard to ask for help and admit you cannot do all you think you should be able to do.

Jestin has looked for work. There is nothing out there. I have looked, but I cannot commit to a job with my health history right now. We are trying to sell many of our non-essentials, but no one is buying. It is quite the pickle of a mess. And I do not mean to complain... as we are not on the streets, nor are we starving. I just keep praying for relief. I do not know when it will come. I only know it will come. I have wondered if I ought to put this on our blog or not, but decided this is part of our history right now. Someday it will do us good to re-read what we have gone through. And just maybe someone out there is in the same boat and feeling like they are all alone. Which they are not! This is such so "taboo" to talk about... but I just want to give them hope that they are not alone for we are in good company! And I want my children to know someday what we really went through and learn from our trials. LOL And TRULY I hope no one takes this as a plea for help... because really we are doing good... our needs are met. I just feel ready for this particular trial to end! If you know what I mean! LOL
My littlest man turns 5 on Easter Sunday. He can't wait to have an "easter birfday" as he calls it. Party party he thinks! LOL. I can't believe it is time for Jess and my birthday's again already as well! I am mulling what to do about that. Any great ideas? I would love any input you have! Something free and fun... any thoughts?? I was thinking of taking him on a picnic or something... I just don't know what to do. I feel empty when it comes to great free activitites that I can do as well! Either way... we are all healthy and we are so in love... I never knew my love for Jestin could be so strong. The trials we have been through have strengthened us far more than I ever thought possible. He is my very best friend... and is so much a part of me I feel incomplete without him near me. Maybe *I* will be gift enough for him?? *GRIN* I hope so anyway.

The boys have decided to go to the charter school again next year, and Emma wants to as well. I am excited for them. We left the choice up to them, and they all made out lists of pros and cons and then prayed about it. It was fun as the parent to watch them take "control" so to speak of their education and to seek answers. Caleb will go to the local elementary though because they have a speech therapy program for him. It will be oh! so joyful to juggle two schools again next year. LOL It wouldn't be so bad if they took vacation times at the same time! LOL Oh well. My children get good educations and I am glad for it. I love the charter school, and I am slightly relieved Emma won't be going to the local Jr High as I have heard there are many troubles of late with gangs/bullying and little staff to do much about it. I want my kids to be able to focus on learning, and not worry so much about those kinds of things. I am thankful for such good kids!!

I really am trying to stay happy and upbeat. I only have this one life to live and, torturously difficult as it may seem to be right now or not, I am not alone in my difficulties I know... and I take great comfort in that... not that I celebrate that any of you struggling with me as well... it's just nice to know I am likely in good company. *grin* I know this too shall pass and we will be stronger for it. I know that faith and answers to prayers don't always collide on the time table we would prefer. Heavenly Father KNOWs what we need. He knows our hearts, our ability to endure, and our true beliefs and heart's intent.

Sometimes I just wish I could choose that particular part about my life! Bwahahahaha