Cody's 1st Court of Honor

(Tuesday Night, March 29th)

While having Brent and Nicole here, Cody had his first court of honor for Boy Scouts! It was fun to have them attend as well!

Cody was embarrassed because he had 4 rank advancements and 2 merit badges... so he kept going up over and over... he detests the spotlight! LOL

His new 11yr. old leader, Bro. Day

This is his good friend Josh and him. They went to a Pow wow together and worked on 5 merit badges. He earned all but 1, but Cody's scatter brained mom did not get the cards turned in a week before the court of honor, so they are making him wait for the other 2 until next court of honor in 6 months. :( (darn memory of mine!)

Mother's pins

He and his other friend Trey getting another advancement.

And now another advancement...

Can you tell he just wants to disappear into the floor? LOL

Another pin

THERE'S HIS SMILE!!

Now that not everyone is staring at him! *grin*

Mom's 4 pins...

I need a lanyard!

*wink*

We are proud of you Cody!! Keep up the good work! :)

Monday & Family Home Evening

Monday my kids all went to school, well except Cameron - he didn't want to miss any time with his cousins! LOL

The Stoddard kids all worked on their school work in the morning. I really enjoyed having them home learning at my kitchen table etc... it made me MISS homeschooling something fierce!

We took the kids to the Dollar store, and we gathered some crafting stuff and a few birthday items for later in the week. Then we picked my kids up from school. It was still drizzling on and off rain most of the day.



Brent spent the week working in my office, sattelite, for his job. He has such a great job! Once he was done for the day and Jes got home, we loaded up and headed to the Carl Bloch exhibit at BYU for Family Home Evening. 

Photo Credit KSL.com

It was a very special visit. 

Photo credit KLS.com

 The kids each paired up with a buddy and looked at the marvelous paintings at their own pace. The little ones stayed with mom's while dad's rented the Ipads offered and shared on and off with the other kids. It was fun to explain the stories of Jesus one on one with little Caleb. I have never enjoyed a museum more... and Nicole mentioned similar feelings with Kate. The thought process that they were too little to enjoy it was way far off. NowI think if we each had 3 little ones at once? yea... that would not have been fun! LOL But one on one with our "babies"? Wow! Tugged at our heart strings. They WANT to know about Jesus... and they ask the most profound questions. Awesome!

Photo credit KSL.com

This is my most favorite painting. I just stand there and let the tears flow as the significance of this painting fills my soul. You will have to go see the painting yourself, as it is only half of the painting shown above, and you dont want to miss it! It is of Jarius' daughter and his wife. Off where you can't see Him, the Savior is entering the home, but He stops and comforts another in His path. It speaks to me on so many levels... mostly that everything in this life is on His time table, and also that no matter what happens, He can heal anything in this life, even death if it is part of His plan. I also realize from the mother's face I feel that sometimes we are left in our grief for a little while before the miracles come.

Any wonder it is one of my most favorites?

The spirit is so strong at that museum exhibit!

After we were through, the kids didn't want to leave the museum yet and wanted to see more. We wandered downstairs to see their American War History exhibit. It was an amazing life lesson for the kids: as they walked through this exhibit, after spending over an hour in the one with the Savior as the centerpiece, they quickly all decided they wanted to leave. They didn't like how they felt in this other exhibit. It took the light they had felt full of just moments before away... and they all expressed it. It was interesting... and almost sacred.

Better than ANY lesson we could have tried to come up with on our own!

If you haven't been down to see it... GO!! You sign up for tickets so they don't have too many people in there at once, but it's completly free to the public to wander the exhibit! You would not be sorry! 

http://carlbloch.byu.edu/index.php

Sunday Update

Sunday morning, the 6 of us and the 6 of them attended church at our home ward together.

We were so thankful to have our new meetinghouse! We all fit on one bench together! :]

Poor little Katie... during the passing of the sacrament bread, the coughed and threw up. All over herself and her mommy. :P

We just thought she had choked, but Nicole took her (and Caleb) back to our house since the two of them were no longer presentable nor did they smell so good! LOL (and Caleb could play with Kate)

Jes got another new calling on Sunday. He is now on the Scout Committee, as well as a teacher in Elder's Quorum. He is looking forward to being involved with Cody in scouts.

Emmalee received her first church calling on Sunday! She has been called as 2nd counselor of the Beehive class. She was very surprised by it. The timing was perfect... her uncle Brent got to stand in the circle with the bishopbric and her Daddy to set her apart. It was really special!

I went with Jes to support him when he received his calling, and as kind of an after thought, they called me to something new as well. I have been asked to be the new Ward Photographer. I am to take photos of each individual family to put on the ward website. I hope my camera does ok photos for such things... I sold my nice Cannon Rebel XT at Christmas time to afford to buy presents! *gulp* Maybe they will need a "ward camera" Bwahahahahaha... we shall see!

After church, and being set apart, we headed up to Ma's for dinner. She made a ham, potatoes and salad.

It was fun to watch all the cousins play - Sean had all his kids there after 8 pm - so we had 12 kids running around outside in the light drizzle of rain playing our classic childhood favorite "Sardines".

This littlest one wasn't terribly interested in getting wet... so she watched them out the window.

Once it got dark, the little ones found distraction with Aunt Nicole's I-Touch. 

Kate Jo & Bethani

We visited and laughed and had a good time!

Sean's family needed to get kids to bed and since they live with Ma we had to leave...

we headed back to our house and played cards and talked somemore.

It was a wonderful sabbath!

Visitors for a week!! :)

Our family had special visitors this week.

My brother Brent, sister-in-law Nicole and their 4 kids came and stayed 9 days with us! It was WONDERFUL!!

The kids played and played and played! 

There was lots of visiting and game playing... 

We watched movies, and tons of yummy food!

They arrived late on friday night. We visited until none of us could keep our eyes open another minute! The girls choose to take over the camper, Brent and Nicole and their littlest took Emma's room and Morgan joined the boys in their room.

Saturday they all headed up to see our parents for the afternoon.

That evening Nicole and I took Emmalee and Britt to Young Women's General Conference, broadcast here at our new Stake Center. They had a wonderful dinner before the meeting.

(We left the Dad's home to make Wiener Boats for the kids *grin*)

Then we went grocery shopping as adults and planned all the yummy meals we wanted to have.

My poor brother has just worked for 6 long months to loose 65 pounds...

'm affraid that he made have gained a few back while in my care! Bwahahaha!

Sorry B!!

A Bunch of Cousins

Dorius', Stoddard's and McOmber's

Amanda, Emma & Britt

Jesselynn, Kate Jo & Morgan

Jake & Cameron

(missing Caleb, Cody, Latisha and Kayelani)

MARCH 2011

Family Celebration & Allergic

Last night as a family we did something we haven't done in forever!!

A local resturant offered "kids eat free" coupons, so we decided to go celebrate Jestin's new job as a family by going out to dinner together! :)

We called ahead and they told us 20 minutes wait time.

We drove over and "checked in".

They said it would be just a few more minutes, 20 tops!

(we were in large family/"deal" addict land after all LOL)

We waited over 40 minutes more.

Finally Jes went and asked.

Yep. They totally skipped us.

We finally got seated and it took 15 minutes to get our orders taken, and another 30 minutes to get our food!

(and really...there were empty tables! They just didn't have enough help for such a promotion!)

It took us almost 3 hours to go out to eat! Sheesh!

And then, everyone of our meals had something missing that they had to be reminded about. *sigh*

We won't be doing that again ANY TIME SOON!!

I could have cooked, served, cleaned up AND watched half a movie with my family for that amount of time and with better food! LOL

(see how I am?)

My little Caleb insisted he wanted the side of fresh pineapple with his dinner.

We didn't think anything of it.

He took one bite and said that he couldn't swallow it, it hurt his throat.

He tried to eat some of his other food after spitting out the pineapple, but within 10 minutes time he was crying that his mouth and throat hurt and he felt like he was going to puke.

Jes took him to the bathroom, where he did throw up the small amount of food he had eaten.

His tounge looked a little swollen, but it was mostly his throat.

We gathered up our dinner and headed out.

What a fun time! ha ha

No more fresh pineapple for Caleb!

(my poor baby!)

On a cute side note, before he got sick, I offered him a fried mozarella stick. He looked doubting so I told him it was just a melted cheese stick (one of his favs). His reply?

"No tanks... I don't like mine wif upgrades"

Bwahahahaha!!

Life's about change, nothing ever stays the same...

Not sure if it is my stroke brain or what... but I am feeling a strange whirlwind of emotions, thoughts and chaos.

So much in our lives has changed so much the last few months! SO MUCH! I have not even posted half of all the different details on this blog, and yet they have all been so refiningly difficult on each their own levels it has been insane and so very complicated! I am not even sure Jes and I are the same people we were before... things have changed so much. Our thought processes have changed so much! I almost feel like we have been pressed through a juicer in a way!

Today, day two of Jestin's job, I got up early and went to the temple with my friend Nicole. It was a wonderful quiet time... and I felt such peace and such joy. But... I struggled a little. During my prayers I wondered: How do I adequately express my gratitude for Jes' new job because it is BEYOND huge for us! How do I express enough gratitude for his eyes being healed? It really is a miracle in our lives how it all played out and it only could have happened with God's hands in it! How do I express my gratitude for my relatively quick recovery from a stroke at age 34! (and all the miracles that came along with that!) And how will I EVER be able to express my gratitude for all the prayers/fasting/love/encouragement/support our little family has been bestowed by so many through this entire process? There is no way to ever compensate for the gifts we have been given!

I feel all these emotions bubbling up inside of me... along with a little bit of disbelief that it is really over... and a little bit of caution about getting too excited... and a LOT of relief! Which one do I feel?

I find myself walking along the edge of our chaos, looking back, wondering what the heck happened??

We have a lot of change still going on. The dust is still settling.

And it's becoming more and more apparent just how close to Heavenly Father has really been... and how un-alone we really were... even when those around us weren't around. Does that make any sense? It will be hard to give that up I think... now that we are so aware of the influence for good we have enjoyed... It will be difficult to let that constant uplift go! It must be similar to how a baby bird must feel when they leave the nest... it is scary! it is exciting! it is what we have wanted more than anything! But do we really have to move forward?? it is hard! LOL See how crazy my thought processes can be! :P

I am slowly learning that this life is definitely a PROCESS... with lots of different levels of experience along the way.
So...
here we go...
letting go of old...
looking forward to new.
Change.
Nothing ever stays the same!

Trip to Idaho

We drove to Pocatello this weekend to celebrate

Grandpa Stoddard's 90th Birthday

It was a hard trip to take with all our circumstances, but I am so glad we went!

Me and my grandpa

The Archie Stoddard Family 2011
(missing Brent, Nicole, Morgan, Britt, Jesselyn and Kate)



We pulled our camp trailer and parked on his street by his house. Saturday they did a big party for him. It was fun to see all the people come and share in his special day. We were so glad we were able to go!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!!!

Peanut Butter Cup Cookies

I made a batch of these to take with us to Idaho this last weekend for my Grandpa's 90th Birthday.

They are SO easy to make!  

1 pkg. Betty Crocker Peanut Butter Cookie Mix in a pouch

made per instructions.

Roll into balls and place inside a mini muffin tin.

Bake as directed.

Remove from oven and place unwrapped Reeces Peanut Butter Cups into each cookie muffin.

Cool for 3-5 minutes in the pan, then gently twist to remove and cool on rack.

ENJOY!!

(and for those of you that are curious... nope! I didn't eat even one! This Lent has been easier than ever before! I think because I conquered my body over the stroke... sugar is nottin'! LOL

I will make it to Easter! *wink*)

Super Yummy Sandwich

The other night we made this amazing sandwich!!

I got the recipe off my friend Kim's blog here: http://howetocook.blogspot.com/

They called it the Nicki Special.

I followed the directions exactly, except I laid my hoagie buns open faced and put the monterey cheese on one side of the bun, then broiled it. Then proceded to assemble the sandwich.

Jess and I *loved* it! Next time we are going to try it with turkey or roast beef!

YUM!!

Thanks Kim (and Sister's) for a great blog...

and I laughed when I saw your newest post!

I planned on puttin this on my blog days ago! LOL

LUCKY?? Blessed. :)

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!

Huge blessings this last year:

• Jestin's eyes have both been repaired and are in super good working order now.
• We are still in our home.
• The kids are all healthy and strong.
• I have almost completely recovered from a stroke.
• Because of our financial situation, the costs from having a stroke have not consumed our family.
• My heart is doing well since my stroke.
• We have never gone hungry.
• We have family who loves and supports us.
• We have even more friends who love and support us.
• Jes was released from EQ Pres... now this is a blessing because he can grow in other ways now.
• We have attended the temple often.
• JWD Electric's paperwork is all caught up (*Giggle* *Snort*)
• Jes and I are closer than we ever have been before.
• We are closer as a family thatn we ever have been before.
• Emmalee is succeeding at Jr. High - which has been a huge adjustment for her!
• Cody ADORES school and doesn't want to miss a day!
• Cameron has the best school teacher we have ever had for our kids... and he loves school!
• Caleb's speech is improving every day.
• Our chickens have produced well all winter.
• I love the paint in my kitchen.
• We have been able to see our "other family" (the Sorensen's) at least every few months!
• I let my real estate license be put inactive, just a week or two before my stroke. The timing was perfect!
• The Lord has lead and guided us through some of the darkest days we have yet faced... and helped us to not give up.
• We did not have to sell our wedding rings.
• Nor our kitchen table.
• We had a good Christmas.

There are TONS of other great "lucky"ness we have enjoyed in the last year... I wish I could list them all! :)

Hope you all feel "LUCKY" today too!

Great day!!!

JES GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are shouting for joy and feeling such a sense of relief!

He has been doing work (electrical work) for a company here in town called PRECORP . He has had 3 different jobs they wanted done and they finally approached him about hiring him for a permanent job. They liked his quality of work, his professionalism etc. They have been trying to hammer out an offer since last Friday, but they didn't seem too promising on a pay scale, so we didn't hang too many hopes on it... you know... in case it didn't work out.

Yesterday they gave Jes the offer. It is not quite what we need to make ends meet... but they offer full paid benefits, 10 paid holidays, and he would work 7-3:30 so he could still do electrical in the evenings!! We have not had many other offers.... except for Home Depot offering to pay him $9.60/hr... in American Fork. (we laughed! he has not made so little since we graduated from high school!) This offer from PRECORP was just enough to seriously consider...

We prayed about it as a family last night, asking the kids to try and get a feel for what they feel we should do. Both older boys after our prayer said "Take it". Caleb was so funny! He said "I feeled like Daddy should take the job because Heavenly Father gave it to him". WOW. How do you argue with that?? LOL

Jes is really looking forward to it! Not just because it is finally a job... but because he will be their maintenance guy and he will learn a lot of new things. Cool new machinery etc.  and that makes him happy! :) His only reservation was that the company fired a guy so that he can replace them. He feels bad that someone else lost their job so he could be hired. They assured him they were planning on letting the guy go anyway... but it still makes Jes feel bad!

He starts on Monday... but will also continue working as their electrician this week as well. ;) We are very excited for some stability in our lives! REALLY exicted!!

I feel as though I have been walking on air all day!!

I KNEW this week was going to be different!!
See??
*giggle*
Really I have not posted earlier today because I have been afraid it might not really be real!!

As I talked to my Ma, and Amy, and Suzie, saying it out loud... it has become a little more real.

Jes will have a job next week!
Jes will have a job next week!!
We might be able to keep our house!!
*SQUEAL* 

Jes Project

We had our water storage barrels stacked on top of each other in our garage, and Jes didn't like that set up. He talked with his uncle Shawn and they made a plan.

This is the result :) Pretty cool huh?? 

Jestin then cleaned out all our barrels and made sure they were in tip/top shape. 

Of course he had a helper... LOL 

All our barrels are full with fresh water and neatly stored! LOVE IT!

What a blessing!

If any of you want one... let us know! ;)

One of our favorite meals...

Here at the Dorius' household... if you say the words

"Flat Things"

there will be much rejoicing and anticipation. We LOVE them!

This recipe comes from Jestin's childhood...

Brown some hamburger and add your favorite taco seasonings.

Heat up some refried beans.

Mix together tomato soup & cream of mushroom soup. (Do not add water!)

You need tortillas & cheese.

Chop up tomatoes, olives and lettuce.

Fry the tortillas in a small amount of Crisco until crispy.

This is what your soups should look like. This is the sauce.

The first time I saw this at Jes' house when we were dating, and found out what it was I wanted to barf! It did NOT sound good together! But OH! It is!!

To serve:

Spread your tortilla with a thin layer of beans, sprinkle with meat and some cheese...

Top with another tortilla shell...

Smother with soup mixture...

Top with more cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and olives.

We like to sprinkle with salt and pepper too.

ENJOY!!

Crossing the Plains

This was one of my most favorite games as a kid! It was created in 1984... and they no longer make it... at least that I can find anywhere online!

I have been thinking about it a lot lately and missing it.

If any of you ever find one... I will love you FOREVER!! I think my kids would LOVE it! :)

(And yes Suzie I think it is even better than Settlers! LOL)

No more doubt

Today is better! I know the week just started! (I know!) But I FEEL it!
*GRIN*
Today I feel it.

Since my post last night I have found myself sad/discouraged/frustrated multiple times (it's that up and down I was talking about)... but as I crawled into bed last night I read the following article. It has made all the difference in my heart! Especially when I think about those "Six Destructive D's". (Go read the article! You won't be sorry!)

I have been falling into that pattern... and I want OUT!

I have contemplated it... and I think that the best way out is to start with the first "D"! Doubt. It is my first and foremost stumbling block! We have had our hopes up so many times, only to have them dashed, that I have not even TRIED to have 100% complete faith anymore. I let it simmer in the back of my mind that this could not be the answer we are waiting for... and to "protect" myself and my heart.

And that brings to mind the fact that I am thinking about it all wrong!! I need to not have faith that one particular job, or opportunity, or circumstance, or even answer is right.

To have faith in God's will is to willingly submit to whatever lies ahead... and to find the joy in it!

"This life is but a small moment..." and if I want to "Be still and know He is God" than I need to let go of my attempts to control our life, by my very focused desire on certain things/answers, and have a more general faith in ALL things. "All things will work for our good..." and I need to allow that to happen!

I can still ASK for certain things... but I need to not allow myself to be let down so much, or discouraged so much, when they don't turn out the way I want them to.

It's like the story about a little girl who loves her string of fake pearls. She wears them everywhere. One night her Daddy asks her if she would be willing to give him her pearls. She cries "no daddy I love my pearls!". He hugs and kisses her and tucks her in, saying that it is alright, she can keep her pearls. The next few nights he asks her the same question. She, of course, refuses! She loves her pearls! So he hugs and kisses her and tells her good night. Finally, one night when he asks, she takes them off her night stand and hands them to him with tears in her eyes. She says, "yes Daddy. I love you. I want you to have my pearls". He hugs and kisses her and puts her to bed. That night, as she is sleeping, her Daddy tip toes into her room and places a string of beautiful real pink pearls on her night stand.

He had been waiting for her to be willing to give up her plastic pearls... so that he knew she was ready to receive those precious real ones.
I love this story!
I have been tug-o-waring with my "plastic pearls".

The scriptures describe disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one's heart. That is not a choice I truly want to be making. That is not who I want to be! I can't have faith and fear at the same time, I have known that for a long time, but have not been sure what to do about it. If I allow my faith of "being in God's hands" to rule my thought processes, than these little speed bumps along the way will not shake my foundation. I can give up these plastic pearls.... and keep an "eye of faith".

I KNOW my little family has been in God's hands the last few years. I KNOW IT.  I see it all around us. Why He didn't just throw up His hands and walk away from our wishy washy levels of faith and discouragement I will never know... LOL... but the reality is: No matter what we are called to endure - it will bless us in the long run. He is waiting for us to be ready to receive our precious pearls. To have the faith necessary to move mountains... or in our case just find the right job and the right place to raise our family, and to hold true so we can be a family forever!

"Faith is a principle of action and of power"

All we are asked to do is what we can do... Jesus Christ was prepared from the beginning to make up the rest. What makes me think I know better than He?

No more doubt.

Doubt is holding me back from the so much peace and joy. I have to let it go!!
It's the only way to continue to endure in my heart....

A sad week... and a good week

This last week has been H.A.R.D.

And I will be the first to admit it.

* Jes didn't get the BYU job we wanted so much.
* Cody had 4 merit badges he had to get his "busy work" done for the Powwow yesturday... and he and I being clueless and new at this whole scouting thing (plus my dimished mental abilities and ease of overwhelm)  it has been rough. Rough. He only got 2 - his first 2... but he was hoping for all 4. :( It was stressful and not very fun. I hope it gets better.
* We have decided to sell the shell off the JWD truck to make ends meet. We had to take the letters off anyway because JWD Electric had to "shut doors" due the bankruptcy our mortgage company forced us into to save our family from being kicked out with 3 days notice in the middle of January. (Did ya catch all that?) It still feels raw. A dream is over. Jes' dream. Jes can still be a Master Electrician, but JWD was our dream... our future... our sweat, blood and tears. Heart breaking. Really. I wanted to... but I did not cry.
* Have a dear friend that has decided to be somewhat cruel to me... and I am trying to make sense of it all. I talked to her this week and learned nothing has changed, and that I need to let my hope of a good friendship go so that being hurt doesn't continue... but that hurts too. Letting go is hard. HARD.
* I grow weary of being on edge... in every aspect of our lives.
* Jes applied for over 18 jobs this week alone. Tons of time... lots of repeated info filled out... and neither of us have the heart to get our hopes up... at all... for any of it.
* We found out we may not be able to keep our car or truck or trailer like we had hoped. Struggling to be ok with that. And not stress about what we are going to do... SO frustrated with our mortgage company and their stupid modification tricks! They have demolished our life!
* Had a miscommunication with the kids school, and with Jes, and with Jes' family, and with myself... worked most of them out but it has sucked! A new stroke development that has my emotions on virtual overload? I cannot remember things. My short term memory is shot. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating. It's frustrating. And I feel stupid. And NO it is not normal "mom brain" forgetfulness... I wish it were that minor. I am struggling. Yea for my physical improvements... boo for the loss of my mind. Anyone seen my marbles??
And then...
* The huge earthquake in Japan... and subsequent tsunami... and we have no TV access... so the news is choppy and broken up online... we feel so out of touch! And it brings the fear of just how unprepared we are due to the last year and half we have been surviving through. Clothes, food, shelter. That has been our only focus for 18+ months... so the thought of something like that happening here? With so little resources? Terrifies me.

I know these are all grumpy and unhappy... but to be true that is how today has gone for me. I went to Sacrament meeting... and during the meeting that usually fills me up and gives me courage to face the week ahead: I finally started to feel all the emotions of the week... and spent a good portion of the meeting in the bathroom crying my eyes out. *sigh* Jes needed a shot so he came home after the meeting and I came with him. Once I got here I just wanted to be alone to cry for a while so I stayed. Jes gave me a blessing before he left. It helped soothe my tears, but as I have thought about it tonight the memory of what he said is completely gone. I have no comfort left from it because I do not remember what he said.

It's like I am swimming through pea soup in my mind! I cannot even find the "oh! duh! I remember"s anymore. They are completely gone. It scares me a bit. I have been using my phone to remind me of things and sticky notes, and trying trying trying to do my mind exercises... but it is mentally exhausting and I get so fatigued! IT IS LAME. ok? Lame I say. Anyway... More brain exercises in the morning... I have GOT to get my memory back!

On the flip side of the coin?

* I "graduated" from physical therapy... no more visits are needed. I am mostly healed - or as healed as his exercises and therapy can get me.  The rest from here on out is all me, pushing the envelope, staying focused on my goals and resting when I need to.
* I can drive again!!! WAHOO!!! = Freedom!!!
* I went to Walmart with Emma, and then home to put it all away and back out again to Macey's for groceries - driving both ways and getting it all done! And I only had a mild limp and weakness in my leg when I was done! That is HUGE!
* Cody got his first two meritbadges!!
* Jes got a check from a small job and so we could get "the needs" from Walmart... that too is huge.
* We got to play games with friends two different nights this week! Lucky AND fun!
* I have made dinner, a planned dinner, every night this week for my little family. The first full week in 3 months. And I kept up all the dishes and Jes only got to do 2 loads! *grin*
* It has been warm and sunny this week! We have enjoyed sitting on our front porch basking.
* Jes had 3 small jobs this week.
* Someone left an envelope on our front door... and it made such a huge difference!
* Another friend came over just to visit and share her struggles with me... it was amazing to be needed and wanted.
* And another friend tried very hard to schedule a quick trip for comfort food... and just knowing she loves me is priceless.
* I cleaned the fridge out... of course I forgot I had made myself breakfast... and so when I was finally done and found my cereal & juice still sitting on the counter... it was lunch time. (der!)

Life has really been hard. But then, we also have been so incredibly blessed! I feel torn between my emotions and this up and down rollercoaster is gettin' a little old. Is that too whiney of me?

Anyway... this next week is going to be better! I don't know HOW... I just know it is going to be better. (I hope.) It HAS to! :{

The end of a dream...

Daddy's Helper

It doesn't matter what job needs to be done, you can always find Caleb helping his Daddy. He loves to work! He doesn't see work as work, he loves to constantly be doing/building/cleaning/making.

He is his father's son!

And I love knowing that the two of them are building a relationship together with each and every "job" they do!

My favorite quick cookies & Lent

I have some good friends who are not of my faith, whom I love and respect very much! We often share the ideas and traditions of our seperate beliefs. The tradition of Lent is one of them. The tradidtion of Lent is the act of giving up/sacrificing something in your life from Ash Wednesday (yesterday) to Easter Sunday. It helps you to think more about Christ, his sacrifice for you, and his fast for 40 days in the wilderness. (I digress... a mormon girl's point of view) I have loved this idea. For the past 2 years I have given up sugar for Lent. Last year I did not succeed because I did not have the heart to go without sugar while Jes was working out of town. I needed my chocolate to be a nice mommy! LOL

This year I celebrated by having a "last supper" of sorts...

I love Cake Mix Cookies!! Especially if they have semi-sweet chips and butterscotch chips in them! YUM!

(recipe included below)

My most favorite cookies are Jes' mom's sugar cookies with frosting, but I admit, I was too lazy to invest that kind of effort! LOL So my next most favorite had to do! :)

I ate two scoops of just the batter... OH! Heaven!!

It makes 2 dozen cookies, and all in all I likely ate half a dozen between cooked and un-cooked. I was a happy girl! :)

But I want to understand my Savior a little bit more. I know that not eating cookies/treats in no way is similar to what He did for me! I just know I could sacrifice a little bit more to understand Him. And this outward expression of an inward commitment will also help remind me that I am seeking after Him and keeps me focused on my goal.

I love the concept of Lent.

Whether my religion practices it or not... I can see good in it and that it can help make me a better person! :)

The birthday's that are coming, mine included, will be hard! And I think that is GOOD! :)

HAPPY ASH WEDNESDAY!

CAKE MIX COOKIES

1 box cake mix (I like yellow for this one)

2 eggs

1/3 c. oil

Mix together well and add your favorite chips - like I said... I like semi-sweet and butterscotch.

Bake at 375 for about 9 minutes. Cool on a rack.

ENJOY!

Oh what a beautiful day!!

Oh yes! It was a beautiful day! Over 50 degrees and sunny otuside! Going  to be almost 60 tomorrow! OH! how lovely it is that spring is right around corner calling my name! :)

It is also beautiful because today I went to Physical Therapy.

I smoked on the step machine... Brad even bumped me up to level 8 (highest I had been was 4) for a full two minutes and I was able to do it!! :] I was tired and a little shaky when I got off the machine, but then I went to show Brad my sqwats and lunges. He was THRILLED!!

I can do my sqwats with no drag from my right side. They are in unison and smoothly move together to move my body. And with little effort! SWEET!

My lunges he encouraged me to set as deep as I could. And I could go way down AND come back up with not a lot of drag on the right side as well! I was just a little wobbly when I lunged with my left foot on my way back up... meaning my right side still has some off balance/weakness that I can work on. But my right lunge was strong and fluid. My right side caught my weight just fine and allowed me to pull back up just fine too. :]

We reviewed the grapevine and he said that I still need to keep working on that because there is still some jerkiness in my movements when I use the right leg to move. He encouraged me to keep them up, but said my clock/lunges are no longer necessary. (YEA!) He would replace "the clock" with this next one:

Brad then started me on my last exercise. Hop scotch. I feared hop scotch. I am not sure I could even really do hop scotch BEFORE my stroke! (bwahahaha) He let me start on my left foot - one foot, two feet, one foot, two feet, etc. I was a little slow as the thought process registered the movements, but half way across the room my mind caught on and it was quick and fluid. Then we turned around and he asked me to only use my right foot on "one step". I stood there and had the weirdest experience! I could NOT think of how to jump onto my right foot for hopscotch!!! I had JUST done it with my left foot... but my mind could not fathom how to do it on the right!! I had to turn to Brad, with tears in my eyes, and ask how do I do it?

Do I lift my left foot and push off with my right? or do I lift my right foot and kind of step/hop onto it? I could not thought process it AT ALL. (yikes!) He told me to simply lift my right foot off the ground and start with a step/hop motion. It was slow and wobbly, but I worked my way across the room. I started to thought process it pretty well. I am still shaky and a little bit weak, but he said that will come with time. It strained my mind somewhat... but not as bad as other exercises have in the past. ;] I can DO IT!!

We discussed my hand... My writting is coming along, but my cursive is still HARD. I can sign my name pretty well (when I am not tired) but just regular writting is tough. He had me pinch my pointer finger and thumbs together and then had me try to keep them closed as he stuck his finger between them and tried to pull them apart. It took 3-4 times on the right side to keep him from getting through, but I finally got it. Then Brad had me squeeze his two fingers with both hand as hard as I could... he said I had some strength to keep working on. And he wants me to start forcing cursive everyday... practice practice pratice. *grin* He says it will all come back with time.

Then he said one of the best things ever!! He talked to us about where I am at. He said my pathways seem to be mostly recovered. He said my coordination has improved a ton. He talked to us about how rebuilding my strength is still going to take consistency and determination with my exercises. It will be slow, but all in all there is little left he can teach me. He talked to us about my mind and how it will still have some hiccoughs and most of it will be thought processes instead of body uses. I can live with that! My strength will still take months to return... I just have to be consistent. BUT! I "graduate" from physical therapy today!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!

We also asked him my most pressing question. It has been the desire of my heart from the depths of my soul for weeks now...

Can I drive yet?

Brad made it the most beautiful day I have had in over 3 months!!!!!!!!!

YES!

He feels confident that I can begin driving!!

 He wants me to take it easy, small trips at first, and get to know where my body is at and how my response time is. But he is confident that it will come back quickly similar to all my other exercises! *GRIN*

F.R.E.E.D.O.M!!!!!!!!

The joy gushing out of my soul cannot be described! It is better than when I was 16 and got my license! It is symbolic of my getting some of my old life back... and that is HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I am tickled! TICKLED!!

I am cleared to start pushing the envelope (so to speak) and get more bold with my exercises. I went walking by myself the other day. Jes made me take my cane because I was alone and he didn't want me to fall. I did well! I only went a few blocks, and was exhausted and swollen by the time I was back... but it was WORTH it! Today, after therapy, I tried to run for the first time. It was only across my house, and I was shaky at it, but I did it! My walks on the treadmill can now be taken outside, on my own if I want, and longer and harder.

I still struggle when walking down hill. I can do down stairs pretty well when not tired, but there is something funky about walking down a hill. My leg tries to give out and not support me. Now that I can go walk outside, I am going to find me some hills too! :) I want to make it so no one can tell I had a stroke unless I tell them! That is my goal! *grin* And to not fall down the stairs, or twist my ankle when climbing out of Jes' truck, or watching things fall on my right foot with nothing I can do about it. My strength will be reclaimed! ;)

It really has been a beautiful day! Another chapter of my life is closing again. I am done with my therapy.  AND I AM SOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The call came today...

The job we have been secretly hoping for called today. The answer was NO.

In my heart I have been hinging the amount of fight I have inside me to save this house on this particular job.
If he gets it... we fight like hell.
If he doesn't we may walk away.

I thought I had resolve!
LOL
And now I just want to curl up with a cup of hot cocoa and have a good long cry. *sigh*

And I think that is ok for today.
I will have my resolve tomorrow.

Real Love... and other thoughts

Been pondering on somethings in my life... one in particular is LOVE.

Love is a funny thing. It can make you do very strange things...
People do things for love that normally would be unthinkable otherwise.
People keep secrets for love.
People alter who they are for love.

But is that love? To change who we are for those we love?
Is that the right thing to do?
Or is it the dishonest thing to do?
By hiding who we really are... is that REAL love?

I know... this sounds all coded and complicated... but really it isn't. :)

I am just thinking out loud here...

I mean, we all want to be better people... right? And shouldn't we be our best selves around those that we truly love? Then why does it seem so hard to do? Why at times does it feel so fake? Why do we put on a front? Or is that what we are suppose to do?

Then came another thought (don't you love my train wreck of thought processes this morning?)...

My friend Suzie, on our really bad Valentine's day, posed this question...

"If we, as LDS people, don't 'fart rainbows' all the time... does that mean we don't have hope, faith and a testimony of the Savior?" Ahhh... that is interesting! CAN we have a really bad day, and be unhappy once in a while, and still believe? IS that a contradiction to our testimony of the gospel? I have pondered that a lot lately.

My favorite response from Jes that night, when this question was posed?

"Well... I must have a unicorn horn up my butt because my rainbows are stuck!"

Ok... now wipe the drink you just spit all over your computer screen  from your burst of laughter off and join with me in my crazy thought process...
( I know! Funny huh?)

Can we love others... and still not always be the best person we can be around them?
Can we still have complete faith... and be sad/discouraged or just plain tired from trials some days?
Does that mean we don't love those people in our life if we are sometimes mean, grouchy, "off" or distant?
Does that mean we are not true followers if we allow ourselves to feel the pain this life brings at times?

Ok... and here is another thought...

I am trying my hardest to understand the atonement of Jesus Christ as of late. I feel this compeling need to find peace in my life on so many levels. One aspect of this beautiful atonement that I am really struggling with is giving my burdens to Him and trusting Him with them. I struggle with that. I find myself praying at the end of the day saying..."Sorry Lord. I took my burden's back. I know! I know! I promised I would turn them over to you and have complete faith! But somehow as my day has gone on today I took them back on. I really do believe that You can carry them... I just can't seem to let them go". Every night I feel sheepish! I am not committing any horrific sins, but I am still not following the counsels given. It's almost as if I think to myself that the trials we have endured of late are too much to place at His feet, too big to believe 100% that He will take care of them, and I am too affraid to allow Him to work them out the way He sees fit and He knows best.

Random huh?

I want really LOVE in my life. I want to be who I am, without judgements and without unrealistic expectations.
I want to be able to FEEL all the emotions of my daily life without worrying that my faith is waivering or that others will think less of me, including my Father in Heaven.
I want to beable to have the kind of FAITH that moves mountains... but again... only if it is God's will, sort of?

LIGHT BULB!!!
As I have written this post I realize what the core issue here is...

PRIDE

Interesting!

That brings my thought process full circle.

What can I do have less pride? What can I do to let go of needless pride? How can I find the peace and hope and faith and love I seek unless I find a way to deal with my PRIDE? I guess I have a new path to follow down... a new subject to study.

What is and isn't pride?
And what can I do about it?
Any thoughts?

Feeling Blessed...

Ok... I don't know what my problem is with being awake at the same time in the middle of the night on the "anniversaries" of my stroke (LOL) but here I am, month 3, wide awake at 2:30 am. Go figure!

Tonight I am feeling extremely blessed. From where I have come? Can I just say WOW! I know it happened, but 3 months ago I woke up and could barely use the right side of my body. And now, unless I mention it, most people cannot tell that my right side is weak or notice when I stutter words. I have healed amazingly well! And adding to that the month of being lost in the darkest place of my life because of the those steroids, and how much joy and hope I can feel now... I am bursting with gratitude!!

Time will continue to heal. My body will recover more and so will my mind. Jes will get a new job soon. And there will be resolution to our 18 months of uncertainty. I can feel it... deep inside me! I have HOPE again! And for that, and all else, this night I feel blessed. Beyond measure!! *GRIN*

FACEBOOK POST

Just got back from my sweetheart's eye surgeon... his eye sight has been saved! He needs a mild prescription, and he is good to go! 6 months ago we were coming to terms with him going blind at 34! HOLY COW!! We have been given a miracle! A miracle!! Joy overfloweth...God works in mysterious ways!

Our favorite TV show

We love us some Mythbusters!

And having Netflix on the Wii makes it SO easy to watch episode after episode... 

All the science! All the explosions! All the learning with tons of entertainment! 

See how rivited we can be??

LOL

We love it to much we fall asleep watching Mythbusters!

Bwahahaha!

On Making Beds...

There is nothing in life that quite compares to climbing into a bed of freshly cleaned sheets, feeling the crisp smooth surface slide across your much too tired body at the end of the day. Can you feel it? Isn't it bliss?

It's true! There is nothing quite so sweet... it is an experience all it's own!

Today I gave a gift.
A gift to my tallest cute son.
His bed was torn apart over a week ago due to the stomach flu.
We contemplated putting it all back together at long past midnight that night, but instead ripped the bed apart, showered him, dressed him in fresh clean PJ's and put him to sleep on our bedroom floor.

His re-make could wait until morning.

And then morning came... and the many long days after that!
We all floated in and out of illnesses.
We slept on the couches, the floors, etc.

I have walked past Cody's room and could see his bed, still in an array of un-madeness and felt guilt. He spent multiple nights sleeping on his blanket, and throwing a nap blanket over the top of him. His mattress cover was missing, so his sheets did not get put on. I felt a pang of shame every time I saw his bed. It spoke of my lack of priority to my son's comfort (in my own mind of course), though, it was simply a comedy of errors as to our ability to coordinate the resources (his matttress pad washed) and time (it seemed like it was always late when we sent him to bed and no one had the energy to do anything about it). Cody simply didn't care so much (he doesn't very often) so we let it go.

But it has bothered ME.
A lot.
I am his mommy.
I know the love a fresh clean bed can make you feel.
And I have wanted that for him!

Now here, I admit a weakness... and it sucks... yet I try to avoid it : Making beds is harder for me than taking a shower since my stroke. It takes SO much out of me I lay on the bed after 1 sheet is wrestled on and gasp and ache. My brain speaking to my right side to coordinate the pulling, tucking, etc required for bed making summons the same brain fatigue as spending a few hours with Brad (my therapist). It is rediculous (in my mind) and I bet it would be funny to watch. And that is why I don't make beds when anyone is around! Bwahahahaha!

So... HAPPILY (*giggle*)... Jes had a job in Park City today. He has been gone all day. *GRIN*
And, even though I have 3 sick kids downstairs (yes... somehow we are passing the nasty cough/cold/fever/ thing around AGAIN! :P ) I am "alone" enough to wanna tackle it! :)

I sprayed lysol on his mattress & pillow, I washed the walls that surround his bed, on went the mattress pad, *pant pant*, on went his favorite sheets fresh from the dryer, *gasp gulp*, tuck, pull, on went his comforter and blankets, push the bed back against the wall, new pillow case glided onto his fresh smelling pillow, and gently the pillow was placed at the top of his bed. TA-DA!!! *gasp, sputter* I slip to the floor to catch my breath and look at the expression of love his fresh clean bed means to me.

And I felt JOY!!! I did it!!

There are stuffed animals all over the floor that ask to be put back on his bed... but that's a great job for Cody himself. *wink* I shall resist to temptation to "do it all".
What I did was enough... and it FELT GREAT!

Now to go re-make the hide-a-bed.... think I can be so lucky to be able to tackle 2 beds in one day!?! We shall see! GO ME!