Life's about change, nothing ever stays the same...

Not sure if it is my stroke brain or what... but I am feeling a strange whirlwind of emotions, thoughts and chaos.

So much in our lives has changed so much the last few months! SO MUCH! I have not even posted half of all the different details on this blog, and yet they have all been so refiningly difficult on each their own levels it has been insane and so very complicated! I am not even sure Jes and I are the same people we were before... things have changed so much. Our thought processes have changed so much! I almost feel like we have been pressed through a juicer in a way!

Today, day two of Jestin's job, I got up early and went to the temple with my friend Nicole. It was a wonderful quiet time... and I felt such peace and such joy. But... I struggled a little. During my prayers I wondered: How do I adequately express my gratitude for Jes' new job because it is BEYOND huge for us! How do I express enough gratitude for his eyes being healed? It really is a miracle in our lives how it all played out and it only could have happened with God's hands in it! How do I express my gratitude for my relatively quick recovery from a stroke at age 34! (and all the miracles that came along with that!) And how will I EVER be able to express my gratitude for all the prayers/fasting/love/encouragement/support our little family has been bestowed by so many through this entire process? There is no way to ever compensate for the gifts we have been given!

I feel all these emotions bubbling up inside of me... along with a little bit of disbelief that it is really over... and a little bit of caution about getting too excited... and a LOT of relief! Which one do I feel?

I find myself walking along the edge of our chaos, looking back, wondering what the heck happened??

We have a lot of change still going on. The dust is still settling.

And it's becoming more and more apparent just how close to Heavenly Father has really been... and how un-alone we really were... even when those around us weren't around. Does that make any sense? It will be hard to give that up I think... now that we are so aware of the influence for good we have enjoyed... It will be difficult to let that constant uplift go! It must be similar to how a baby bird must feel when they leave the nest... it is scary! it is exciting! it is what we have wanted more than anything! But do we really have to move forward?? it is hard! LOL See how crazy my thought processes can be! :P

I am slowly learning that this life is definitely a PROCESS... with lots of different levels of experience along the way.
So...
here we go...
letting go of old...
looking forward to new.
Change.
Nothing ever stays the same!