Real Love... and other thoughts

Been pondering on somethings in my life... one in particular is LOVE.

Love is a funny thing. It can make you do very strange things...
People do things for love that normally would be unthinkable otherwise.
People keep secrets for love.
People alter who they are for love.

But is that love? To change who we are for those we love?
Is that the right thing to do?
Or is it the dishonest thing to do?
By hiding who we really are... is that REAL love?

I know... this sounds all coded and complicated... but really it isn't. :)

I am just thinking out loud here...

I mean, we all want to be better people... right? And shouldn't we be our best selves around those that we truly love? Then why does it seem so hard to do? Why at times does it feel so fake? Why do we put on a front? Or is that what we are suppose to do?

Then came another thought (don't you love my train wreck of thought processes this morning?)...

My friend Suzie, on our really bad Valentine's day, posed this question...

"If we, as LDS people, don't 'fart rainbows' all the time... does that mean we don't have hope, faith and a testimony of the Savior?" Ahhh... that is interesting! CAN we have a really bad day, and be unhappy once in a while, and still believe? IS that a contradiction to our testimony of the gospel? I have pondered that a lot lately.

My favorite response from Jes that night, when this question was posed?

"Well... I must have a unicorn horn up my butt because my rainbows are stuck!"

Ok... now wipe the drink you just spit all over your computer screen  from your burst of laughter off and join with me in my crazy thought process...
( I know! Funny huh?)

Can we love others... and still not always be the best person we can be around them?
Can we still have complete faith... and be sad/discouraged or just plain tired from trials some days?
Does that mean we don't love those people in our life if we are sometimes mean, grouchy, "off" or distant?
Does that mean we are not true followers if we allow ourselves to feel the pain this life brings at times?

Ok... and here is another thought...

I am trying my hardest to understand the atonement of Jesus Christ as of late. I feel this compeling need to find peace in my life on so many levels. One aspect of this beautiful atonement that I am really struggling with is giving my burdens to Him and trusting Him with them. I struggle with that. I find myself praying at the end of the day saying..."Sorry Lord. I took my burden's back. I know! I know! I promised I would turn them over to you and have complete faith! But somehow as my day has gone on today I took them back on. I really do believe that You can carry them... I just can't seem to let them go". Every night I feel sheepish! I am not committing any horrific sins, but I am still not following the counsels given. It's almost as if I think to myself that the trials we have endured of late are too much to place at His feet, too big to believe 100% that He will take care of them, and I am too affraid to allow Him to work them out the way He sees fit and He knows best.

Random huh?

I want really LOVE in my life. I want to be who I am, without judgements and without unrealistic expectations.
I want to be able to FEEL all the emotions of my daily life without worrying that my faith is waivering or that others will think less of me, including my Father in Heaven.
I want to beable to have the kind of FAITH that moves mountains... but again... only if it is God's will, sort of?

LIGHT BULB!!!
As I have written this post I realize what the core issue here is...

PRIDE

Interesting!

That brings my thought process full circle.

What can I do have less pride? What can I do to let go of needless pride? How can I find the peace and hope and faith and love I seek unless I find a way to deal with my PRIDE? I guess I have a new path to follow down... a new subject to study.

What is and isn't pride?
And what can I do about it?
Any thoughts?