Tommorow

I can't believe it's tommorow. What a fun time will be had by all! The work that Tammy & Jill & Amy & Emily & Matt and SOOOO many others I can't even list have put into this boggles my mind! The donations that keep pouring in are astounding! The love and concern has been heartwarming beyond measure. I look forward to giving hugs to all and letting them see their hard work pay off. What an effort this has become! And to see our family jump in and want to do a huge part too with little to no warning. I could not be more blessed. I lived a golden life!

Hope to see as many of you as can come there!!! I still get really sad when I think of all of you that came to the yardsale that I missed being snowed in.... I am THRILLED to be able to be there tommorow!! See you soon!!!!!!

Auction Donation List

I cannot believe this! Check out the link to the website... there is so much stuff!! I cannot believe how wonderfully generous people are! I hope we have a huge turn out to gobble this stuff up!

http://www.blessheathersheart.com/auction.html

I am feeling ok. Really Really Really tired and I get really dizzy and weak randomly, but no more pain. I am so thankful! I hope it was just stress or something simple!

It was very fun yesturday! A bunch of cute girls from the ward were out walking kids yesterday in the first nice day of year, and I wish I could have stayed out and visited longer! What fun! I SO love this neighborhood and ward! Everyone is so open and ready to make friends! It is awesome!!!!

Waiting it out

I took a good nap and the pain is considerably less (barely noticable). I decided to wait it out and see how I feel later tonight. Besides I bet they do an EKG before my surgery... that would tell them if there was anything fishy then. So without syptoms... I am waiting.

Chest Pain & confusion

Ok...so I am trying to talk myself out of something. Or rather talk myself into something. Or something like that...either way, I am conflicted. It's one of the two...

I have had some pretty ok days the last two weeks...at least 3 a week. And it has been a huge blessing with sick kids!! I have been looking forward to my surgery with almost giddiness. :)

This morning I woke up to a very painful sensation in the middle to the left side of my chest. It was pain and pressure. I sat up and was surprised at the intensity, but as I laid back down it seemed to subside some. I was still really tired and shortly I fell back asleep. It woke me up again a while later, though not as strong. I rolled over and found a different position and it subsided a bit later.

Now as I am going through my day I am extra tired, out of breath and my limbs are weaker than normal when they are weak. I can feel the pain ever so faintly almost constant, but when I take a big breath it becomes much stronger and it makes the top of my shoulder ache. And every once in a while it is sharp and painful and tight. It makes my tummy feel tight too when it hurts.

I have read up on the American Heart Assoc about warning signs for heart attack and stroke. And my symptoms say go the ER, but my mind says I will be fine. Am I in denial?

Jess has work for the 1st day in over a week, so I don't want to call him home... and the kids are still not on antibiotics long enough to go to someone else's house yet. That and I can't face another trip to the ER this month! *whine* I just can't!!

I wish I could shake a magic eight ball and know what I should do. What if it is just a pulled muscle like a friend offered as a solution? That would be an expensive pulled muscle! (lol) and what if they say it is a "panic attack"? I have only had one before, years ago, and this is not like that one. That would be annoying too.

I am just conflicted. I feel like if it is a heart attack it should be more excruciating, or longer and drawn out or more scary. I don't know. I am rambling. I can't get an answer from my cardiologist office...their phone just rings and rings... not sure what the trouble there is. And I know if I call my sister, who's a nurse she will likely tell me what I am sure any other nurse would tell me... go the ER and get an EKG. :(

I guess if I still am having pain when Jess gets here I will go. *sigh* What a pain in the heart! LOL!!! I need to go lay down...

Auction Items

Here are some more things offered at the Auction:

• Gift Certificates frm Smokehouse
• BBQ16' 4 topping pizza, cheesesticks & sauce from Two Jacks Pizza
• Gift Certificates from Wingers
• Bridal or Prom Rental - dress value $250 from Veronica Michaels Bridal
• Wedding Floral Design and Implementation from Pats Festive Aire
• Quilts from wonderful mothers of friends and family
• 5x5 Heritage makers storybook credit w/ free month premier membership from Peggy Stevenson
• Creative memories family album quick kit from Erica
• Hand Made soap package from Ginny
• Personal Care Items Basket from Brandy
• Massage Gift Certificate from Jen
• Personal Sentiments custon cardmaking kit from Denice
• 4 hours electrical work from JWD Electric
• 1 hour interior design consultation from Dana Purcell
• Graphic design logo from Stephanie Bundrock
• 1 hour family photo shoot w/ pics on CD from Amy Sorenson
• Scuba Diving Lessons from Teds Scuba Shop
• Nursing covers Tax return help from Keri Chipman
• Gift Certificates from Walmart
• Pampered chef basket
• 1 hour computer consultation (2) from Jeremy Horton
• Vinyl lettering from Michelle Ollerton
• Oil change w/ 530 or 1030 oil from All Tune and Lube
• 20% off gift certificate from My Family Furniture
• $25 in gift certificates from Bajio
• Curling Iron from Glorias Style and Tan
• Hair products from New Image
• Hair cut and style from Susan Hair Design

Auction/Eric Dodge Concert

OK! So it took me a few days! The kids are all taking turns being sick again! Ugh! I can NOT wait until spring for sun and open windows to get some of these germs outta here! We are trying to decide if Caleb should go to insta-care today or wait for his own Dr. tommorow. He cries that his throat hurts, he wont eat and he puked his ice water (after coughing and then crying cause it hurt) Yeah...I am thinking that too. Strep. *sigh* Fer the love!

About the exciting event this Saturday.... I posted the flyer to the left but thought I would add some of the stuff they have up for Live Auction/Silent Auction/Raffle: (in no particular order)

• Hot Air Balloon Rides
• A bunch of Beautiful Handmade Quilts
• 3 day Summer Cabin Rental @ Strawberry Resev.
• Pair of autographed cleats from Chad Lewis (former BYU/Philadelphia Eagles TE)
• No Charge Photography Sitting
• Cold Stone Gift Certificates
• IKEA Lamp w/embroidered shade
• Certificates for 4 hours free labor from JWD Electric
• Box Seats to the Jazz game
• $100 Gift Certificate for Olson's Greehouse Gardens

There is LOTS more...I am just waiting for the list to get sent to me... I will post more when I have it! SOO Fun!

Strep Throat

Well...I ended up with both older kids this time home not feeling well. I started with Emma to instacare as she seemed the worse...and her strep test came back positive. Bummer. So she got a shot. (I am not one to mess with strep...or 10 day antibiotics...we have a niece that got scarlet fever from strep) Many say I am mean...but I know by 24 hours later FOR SURE they are not getting anyone else sick and they are feeling better...and I wont create a monster virus by forgetting a dose or 4 in the following 10 days. 'Nough said! LOL!! Em was very brave and is excited to still be able to perform in the Primary Talent Show on Saturday.

So I came home and loaded Cody up and took him next. His test came back negative. He was THRILLED! LOL!! I have a prescription in case the longer 48 hour test comes back positive...but so far so good. Rotten winter time for illnesses anyway! I think I am going to re-write my budget for next winter and plan more for illness expenses! Ugh.

I am totally wiped out now....time for another drool making nap! LOL!! I can't wait to feel better!! 31 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!

I have been "clear" haven't I?

Wow! Almost a week since I posted? Life must have been busy? Yeah right. LOL!!

SOOO! The plans are finally together for the Concert/Auction Fundraiser! I am so excited! And I became even more excited when I told Emmalee that Eric Dodge was coming and singing AND teaching some line dancing! (We have been listening to the autographed CD he sent me) That made all of this worthwhile! Her jaw dropped! Her eyes got huge! And she said "like really? He is going to sing for you mom?!?" Tee hee!! I think she thinks he is "dreamy". She milked me for all the details and then ran to call her friend Megan. I could hear her squeeling and giggling as she told her all the details. She has not stopped smiling. *giggle* "Glad I could help ya sweetie!" I'll have heart problems anytime for that kind of excitement and joy on my little girls face! Bwahaha!! Ahhh Tweenies.... She makes me happy.

I have fallen in love with Eric's music. He has the most perfect country voice. It's not too twangy...and his songs are inspiring and touching! I have two that I absolutely love...though I have to say they all ROCK! If you copy and paste the link to his website to the left, you can hear a sample. I really am looking forward to hearing him live.

So I will post an exclusive post about the event in a second... I have some thoughts to share *grin*

• Playing "sardine's" (backwards hide-&-seek) with your kids is a blast! Especially with a 2 year old who can't stop giggling! Gave us away every time!


• IKEA has the best cafeteria. If they had a cafeteria like that in hospitals... well it wouldn't be such a downer to eat there! LOL!


• Taking long naps after a quick trip to IKEA creates much drool. (*giggle*)


• The size of this snowball is amazing. I can not believe all the people that are so quick to offer time, talents and funds for someone as obsure as I. Humbling.


• I tremble with excitement when I think of the strength I may have after this surgery! And I have no fear anymore. I am so thankful for priesthood blessings that give me complete courage. We will survive this... physically, financially and emotionally. Peace. Strength. Love. What more could I need at this time...?


• Emma was practically begging for some time alone with me... asking for anything/everything possible... so I took her with me for a quick trip to ShopKo for Zyrtec (btw: HALLELUYAH!! OTC saves me $160/month!! YIPEE!!). We stopped by the shoes for a moment... and well... we ended up with BOGO twinner pink ballet flats. They make me smile so much! I think I have a new favorite pair of shoes! I thought of my little girl wanting to spend time alone with me whenever I looked at my feet today. *grin* happy times!


• Thank heavens for Staples and their crazy ad's. Our computer monitor was dying a sad headache making death. JWD Electric invested in a new monitor for it's Office Manager (Hee hee) and well... she loves it! I can see! No scratches! My head doesn't hurt and it is bigger so I dont squint as much either! AHHHH!!! I am so glad for SALES!! YEA!! Bless those people who thought a nice monitor for $149 was not too cheap! GOLD STAR! (poor Jess has tried to talk me into one for months...but I refused! I couldn't pay over $200 for just the monitor! I am a cheap skate!)


• My puppy makes me happy. She knows when I have done enough/too much or I am having a bad day... normally she is a "daddy's girl" kind of pup... but when she needs to "take care" of her Mom she will follow me around, and sit on my lap every chance she gets. And she LOVES it when I lay down! I end up with my own little nap partner/built in heater! LOL! She is awesome! I dont know what I would do without her. She brings us so much joy!

She makes Baby Jack happy too! He begs for kisses! LOL!

• I am trying to go back to the strict diet Dr. H put me on in the summer in prep for the surgery (as soon as we had finished the pan of 7 layer bars...thanks for helping me with that Amy! Tee hee! I know you SO didn't mind!) Well...today I had a cinnamon roll at IKEA. DER! I completely forgot! Huh. Talk about devotion to the diet eh? *Giggle*

Well...I better go! I will post the details here in a sec... G'night

Valentine's Day

Jestin brought me flowers!

Hi all! I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day honoring all those that mean a lot to you and your special sweetheart too! I had one of the strongest days I have had in a long time yesterday! I had almost forgotten exactly what a "non-treading water" day felt like! It was great! I took a shower and then with lots breaks, 'cause I am trying to be good, I spent the morning doing my hair and make-up and putting on some nice clothes. My Sweetheart LOVED it! It has been weeks since I made such an effort. The smile on his face was so worth it! :D

We did a "heart attack" in the dinning room (paper hearts all over) and left treats and notes for the kids at the breakfast table. When I came down after they had left for school I found notes back to Jess and I. *grin* We have such great kids! They had so much fun making Valentine's and thinking of each person they were sending them too. It was great! I like this holiday!

Jess brought home some take-out so I didn't have to make dinner. (It was sweet. I can't wait for next year when I can make *his* favorite again (steak and shrimp) for Valentine's Day.) (I am a sucker for tradition!) After that he insisted I let him take me to Real Deals in Springville. He had given me a gift certificate for Christmas (that he had earned doing electrical for them) and I hadn't felt good enough to go on the days they are open. It was a treat! I got the following for the dinning room and then a mirror for the familyroom that I can't seem to get the right angle on for a picture(sorry)...but it is AWESOME! Wrought iron & round. Very neat! I love it! It was a perfect day!! I was even able to stay awake & talk with Jess after the kids went to bed! Score!

I put this above my back door...Jess and I did a talk in church on this scripture once and have enjoyed seeing how much our testimonies of this principle has taken root and made a place in our home and hearts.

These were TOO cute!

So I am posting the info for Real Deals... 'cause I think everyone should go there at least once! Their prices are amazing! And their home decor is what you would find at Rod Works, Quilted Bear and any other higher priced home decor place! I LOVE their prices! I was able to get lots for a little! I LOVE Real Deals!!

Real Deals Home Decor

101 East 200 South

Springville

Open to the Public Just 2 Days a Week!

Thursday 10am - 7pm

Saturday 10am - 3pm

Go check it out! You will love it! *grin* There is something for everyone...and the century old home it is in is cool all by itself!

I've been tagged...

Things on my To Do list...
1. Balance the checkbooks and get rid of the piles on my desk (hmm...maybe I should re-focus eh?LOL)
2. Work on laundry: washing all bedding and pillow cases in house, as well as coats
3. Clean my bathroom (I have GOT to get rid of these germs! blech!)
4. Take a nap (today has been a strong day so far...but I don't want to blow it!)
5. Clean out the fridge...leftovers are taking over...and I am not sure all of them are edible! LOL!

If I were suddenly a billionaire...
1. I would pay my tithing (and hope they would build our new stake center and wardhouse ASAP)
2. I would pay off all our medical bills, one credit card and our house
3. I would donate a large sum to the hospital for others like us, and to Primary Children's for their help years ago with Cam
4. I would take my kids to Disneyland like we promised them last fall
5. I would nest egg the rest to protect our future with Jess' diabetes, and we would keep living where we are, and working like we do. :D

3 Bad Habits I have...
1. I peel the dead skin off my feet. I can't handle lotion, so they crack and peel a lot...and I can't stand the rough edges rubbing my socks.
2. skipping morning prayers...I always seem to be hopping out of bed for something and forget
3. Getting stuck on-line...I love reading friends blogs etc...and sometimes I get sucked in for a little too long

3 Places I have lived...
1. Coronado (San Diego) California
2. Fredrick, Maryland
3. Utah (Orem, American Fork & Spanish Fork)

5 Jobs I have had...(that paid a $) (Best job is wife, mommy and friend)
1. Candygirl at Cineplex Odeon (would you like butter on that?)
2. Cashier at Cineplex Odeon
3. Banker at First Security Bank (teller, new account, sales assoc) (I got to be part of opening the first ever in-store branches in Utah)
4. Legal Encoder over the internet
5. Realtor

6 things most people don't know about me...
1. I love avacados, artichokes, mushrooms & spinach
2. I can't stand movies that are tense...not just scary ones...but action ones too! (LOTR is one of my favorites...but getting through it the first time was TORTURE!) Ack! I hate suspense!
3. I always wanted a Snoopy Snowcone maker when I was little. I asked for one almost every Christmas.
4. I have never riden a horse that I remember...but one day would LOVE to!
5. I am a tummy sleeper
6. I got my first grey hair at 12 years old.

3 of my goals in the next two years...
1. To get our yard put in and a fence
2. To pay off all medical stuff & credit card
3. To run a 5k...in 2 years. I can't wait to start strengthing my body! (and maybe loose a pound or 10)

I now tag...Marcie, Diana, Tiff, Keri, Steph & Nicole (& anyone else who'd like to!)

"Things" that make me smile...

So...after 2 seperate trips to the ER...one for each of them... Caleb and Cam seem to be on the mend. Cam is still not up to par...but his ER trip was only just last night. I am glad it was so warm today!!! 41 degrees!! YEA!! I opened up the front windows with the sun beating on the house and I turned the furnace fan to on. It ran for about 45 mintes and I am hoping it pulled in lots of fresh air and cleared out some of the germs floating around here. Lysol has been my friend as well. LOL!

Ok... well... I have a friend that started listing things in her home that make her happy. I have been thinking a lot about this and so decided to start taking a few pictures of THINGS in my home that bring me joy and make me smile. It has lifted my spirits and made me feel so much love and gratitude today. It has been amazing!!! Just what this girl needed!! *wink*

And so I am sharing some of them with you. Here they are...in no particular order. I couldn't post them all... but here are a choice few...


This was in my Grandma M's house. I always loved reading it while sitting on her couch listening to the family visit.


I love all the electrical Jess adds to the house. Timers for Christmas lights has to one of my favs!


These are drawings Jess' great G'ma did. They are dated '26 & '27. Very cool! I love old farm lands and old barns...I love to imagine the family and history that lived there.

My fish tank. I always had one when I was a little girl. They are calming and relaxing to me. My kids love them too. At the moment we have no fish and it has been pretty sad!

My IKEA drinking glasses. They are heavy on the bottom so tipping is not as likely...and they just make me smile! They look fancy...but they was dirt cheap man! LOVE IKEA!!

This is collage my friend Amy and I put together for our friend Maria. This is my youngest and Maria's youngest...we think they could almost pass for twin brothers. They LOVE each other! This makes me smile so much I have it on my fridge because I havent found a frame I like, and I love seeing it many times a day. It was a treat to pull this off without Maria knowing...and so it reminds me of the fun Amy & I had taking the pictures too! (p.s. Amy's photo blog is to the left...she does an AMAZING job!)

This is a photo of my stamped concrete out front along the sides of the driveway. Jess, G'pa E and I did it ourselves. It makes me smile everytime I see it.

This is our "Dinner Bell". My G'ma S. had one to call us in from the garden. I bought this, and the kids LOVE it! I do too! I don't have to yell anymore! Hee Hee!!

How could this big wonderful big pantry NOT make me smile??

And the certificate Jess' family gave me for Christmas makes it even better! I get to put heavier duty shelves in so they don't bow anymore, and I get to design it! I am excited to figure out what I want! *grin*

These are the shoes I bought for Relay for Life last summer. Our team's color was yellow and our theme was "E-lemon-ate Cancer". G'pa E, a cancer survior, came and spent the evening with us. He, & my G'pa M (who died of stomach cancer on my birthday) were our reason to Relay. They honored them with a special dinner & program, then they had surviors walk the first lap with bag pipes playing. I cry just thinking about it. And I LOVE these shoes for the memory they give me.

This is my dream car. We got a SCREAMING deal on it last summer, when our van was no longer serving it's purpose, and I LOVE it. I feel like a princess when I drive it. I will happily drive this car until the day I die. It is perfect.

This was my G'ma S.'s. It is a Dunken Phife (sp?) table. They got it as a newlywed couple. My dad remembers laying under it as a child and flipping the latches along the edge to make noise. I did it too when I was at G'ma's.

This is my dream stove. I LOVE it!! I found it on KSL this summer for a HUGE deal! It's older and used, but it works beatifully. I feel so spoiled to have it! Jess is so good to me!!

This is our Big Blue Chair. I love this chair for the memories it gives me. Jess bought it for me for Mother's Day when I was pregnant with Emma. The kids ask for "Big Blue Chair Time" when they need to talk. When they have chair time...no one gets to be in the room with us, I just hold them and we talk about whatever they want to. I also rocked and nursed all my babies in this chair. It doesn't match with much of my decor anymore...but it stays. It's the Big Blue Chair after all!!

This is a crossstitch my oldest brother and his wife made for us years ago for Christmas. My brother loves to stitch...so this is special to me for that reason. It also is special because during the unemployment years it was a gentle reminder to find the good. It makes me smile.

G'ma S. made this for us for our wedding. It was one of the last ones she did. And the quilt frame was made for us by Uncle Shawn and Aunt Jeannine, whom Jess did welding for for a time when we were first married. He has a special bond with them and the frame makes me smile.

G'pa C. made this for Jess as a thank you for some electrical he had done for them. G'pa and G'ma C aren't my real grandparents, they are honoraries, but in my heart they are blood. I love them so much! This makes me feel so loved and so proud to be a Dorius, as it honors what Jess makes of our last name.

This has been my pride and joy project lately. I am still missing Ma's family and G'parent Dorius' photos...so it is not complete...but it has been so fun to do...and to learn about the pictures and our family stories. I have never enjoyed making something for our home quite as much!

I have always wanted a mini tea set like this. My mom had one when I was growing up that someday I hope she will let me have. I loved to play with it when I dusted. But until then I bought this one at my favorite place - Gardner Village. One day I hope to replace this one with Mom's and then this one will become Emma's. *grin*

Jess' mom made us this. I just love it!!

One of my FLYSistahs gave me this for Christmas. I love it. It makes me want to run and hug my little Emma. My only daughter. We girls gotta stick together! Someday I would like to collect all the parent with child ones...I love Willow Trees.

This dear item makes me tear up if I let it. G'ma E. made it for us for our first Christmas in our first home. They couldn't find a frame that it would fit in...so G'pa made the frame and background himself. It just makes me feel hugged and loved...and I love it!

There are 3 things in this photo I love. The crate itself my G'pa M used to send my great G'ma (his mom) china from Japan in WWII. It has writting and stickers on it from the trip. We found it in the old garage and I brought it home and clear laquered it as a teenager. I keep Emma's Hope Chest stuff in it for now. The wooden box on top was my G'ma S.'s. All her jewelry went to my aunt and her daughters, so I treasure this box. I keep special papers about motherhood in it. G'ma loved to keep things that inspired her...so that is what I use it for. The little pink lunch box is for special notes between Em and I. We sneak it under each other's pillows sometimes. As you can see...it is my turn to give it back to her... :)

Jestin gave me flowers after one of our last early marriage fights with this note. I have kept it displayed in the window of my jewlery box because it makes me feel so loved...and as of late it really seems to fit how I know he must feel. It gives me strength to press on and take it easy.

This gives me a grin whenever I look at it. This is Jess and I...we were both in second grade in these pictures. TEE HEE HEE

One of my dearest friends, Jill, gave me this. I say it all the time and she LOVED it! I do to! Because after all...nothing is *that* bad right? It's all good! *wink*

This was my G'ma's. The kids ADORE it! The people dance as the music plays and you can watch how it works inside. When I hear the tune I feel like a kid again.

This is my new perfume. Jess gave it to me for Christmas. It is the 1st time he has ever picked out a perfume and I happen to love it. :)

My mom drew and traced and then woodburned this for our wedding table. I just love it! I wish she would draw more often! She is SO talented! I know where my Emma gets it from!

This is the wall of my babies! The two smaller photos on the bottom are of our two foster babies, and then there a multiples of each of the kids. We made cute babies, if I do say so myself!!

I love my laundry room. I love the new washer we had to buy...it works SO good! I love the paint color! I love the stitchery that G'ma E made us, I love the hanging G'ma T made us with two socks, and I love the saying...it makes me giggle! Makes me sound like a nurse or something! LOL! I also love my laundry sorter. It is awesome!

My parents gave us this...and I love it. I love the tree behind the saying...it is so detailed. I like it. Someday I would like to learn to work with wood...

I love these pictures of Emma and I. She is only 4. We are wearing what we should have worn to my little sisters wedding. I was the Matron of Honor, and Emmalee was the flower girl. While setting up the wedding Emma got sicker and sicker. Later that afternoon she started the first of our many lengthy hospital stays with asthma and pneumonia. She missed the wedding. I came for only a short time...and I was a basket case the whole time with my baby in the hospital! It was so sad!! My sweet sister and her hubby went to the hospital before going home to change to see her...the nurses all were OOing and AWEing...a fully dressed Bride and Groom to visit the pediatrics! It was neat! We went and had photos taken when she was better. I love to see how small she was... and even though she acted so grown up back then... it's fun to be reminded how little she really was.

And last but not least on this blog post of mine... this camera makes me smile. I have a dream of being a photographer...and this is a step in that direction. It captures memories. It makes people smile and draw together. It saves pieces of time otherwise lost. I LOVE my camera!

I now tag all who have blogs etc... share what "things" makes you smile! Because...after all... although "stuff" isn't what brings true happiness in life... they still can being you smiles & joy!

Update on the boys

Cam is finally keeping down some broth. I took him to the Dr. again today and they gave him his first dose of steroids in a shot. (heh heh...can't puke them up! *wink*) He is still pretty miserable but he drank 2 cups of broth throughout this evening and has kept his evening dose of meds down tonight. I am so glad! 3 days with no food or water kept down...I was getting nervous. MIL says he looks like he is ready for Halloween. His eyes are sunken and dark, his face is white and his lips are bright red. My poor baby... :(

My sweet MIL is here, she came over and taught Emma to sew. They made a jean purse for Emma's Valentine's box at school, and then she stayed. She and the older 2 are crashed downstairs. She didn't want to leave me alone with two sick kids tonight. It has been fun to hang out. We don't get to do much of that these days. It was nice! She also sent me up to take a nap with Cam this afternoon...it was the first sleep in days I was able to sleep without one ear open for the kids. I couldn't wake up! Something about having Mom here made it easier. That and I knew she wasn't needing to be somewhere else or doing something else...so I felt less guilt in "pawning" off my babies. I am such a dork when it comes to asking others to tend my kids. I have this guilt thing that makes even myself crazy! LOL! "I am the mom and it is my responsiblity." Date nights are hard for me... I have to just hurry and walk away and try really hard to not think about them. Silly mommy instincts! No wonder empty nesters struggle! I can't imagine letting them go for good! LOL!

Jess is on his way back. It was not a pretty experience I guess...what a joke ((insert rolling eyes)) unnecesary drama that is for sure! ...and so they are sleeping in a motel 5 hours away and should be home tommorow around noon-ish. My heart aches for my family caught in the middle of another's phycosis.(sp?) *sigh* So frustrating and sad!

Caleb's fever spiked really high early this morning, but with motrin he was able to play pretty well today. It spiked again this evening and with the tylenol he got a little crazy, crying out of control and coughing and crying, I am wondering if it is the tylenol that makes him delirious! LOL! He has eaten little himself... mostly gathering the food and carrying it around with him. (so funny) His fever is back again tonight...I hope they both have a better night tonight and tommorow will be so much better! :D Positive thinking...

I better get to bed myself. I just got the feverish one to sleep and finished a breathing treatment on the other, so I needed to wind down and cool off! Tee hee! Wishing we could make it to church tommorow! I know *I* sure could use it! *sigh* Have a happy sabbath ya'll!!

later today...

It is almost midnight. Cam is still not much better. We can't get him to keep anything down. He keeps puking up his steriods...and any other medicine we try. Sprite, saltines, etc. Nothing will stay down. He just coughs too hard. *sigh* Jess is so strong in the blessing he gave him... I am clinging to that. I am really nervous that he will be in Wyoming and I will end up with Cam in the hospital. ~~~~~~~~~ok...now I "said it out loud".... I am going to not think it again... and I am going to allow myself positive thoughts only. *grin* "the secret" works! I know it does! heh heh

Boys aren't much better

Hello. Sorry my last post was such a downer. I am just so so tired. I think it all is getting to me lately! I am trying to take Charlotte the Spiders advice...Chin up!

The two littlest boys are a mess. We took Caleb and Cam to the Dr. today. He sent Caleb for an x-ray and called us to tell us he has pneumonia. He still is sporting a 103+ temp and meds don't do much at all for him. He is miserable!!! He has coughed so much he has ruptured blood vessels in his eyes. Today he is hardly coughing at all...which is not a good thing...and so we are watching him closely.

Cam's asthma is going crazy... His O2 sats weren't terrible (91-92) so we are just starting his steroids at home and see if we can squeak by without oxygen. His fever is sticking close to 100.9 with or without meds. The Dr. is sure they likely are fighting the same illness. Cam has quite the system down... he wakes up...he coughs till he pukes and pukes and pukes...then he gets his breathing treatment...and he falls asleep until his next one wears off and it starts all over again. *sigh* If the hospitals weren't so full of babies with RSV I would ask for him to just go get some O2. Sometimes I wish, as the mom of an asthamtic, I could get some to give him here at home, just to get his body some extra relief!

I am doing a little better today. A little stronger. *grin* I guess Heavenly Father is blessing me with only what I can handle. I am so grateful for the little bit of added energy!

Jess is leaving for the weekend to Wyoming to assist family that needs help. The poor man can use the break! He has been taking care of me all this week, his work, and now the boys as much as he can. Last night I woke up to everything the boys needed, but Jestin wouldn't let me get up with them. He did it all. (I think he was not so thrilled with my grey spell last night...it really wasn't as bad as it looked! I was still concious! I just didn't want to respond to him until my O2 levels felt normal again and my heart calmed down some! It wasn't that long...10-15 seconds maybe...*blush*) Anyway...Jess is so good to all of us! I am the luckiest woman! I just adore this man!! HE IS THE BESTEST!

Caleb is so funny! He has been dilirious! Once he was asleep on my lap, feverish and limp, all of a sudden he sat up, climbed down, walked over to the kitchen chairs and pushed them under the table like they belong, mumbling something about chairs, then came back, climbed up on my lap and fell fast asleep again! BWAHAHA!! He also keeps getting up, going to look at Cameron, mumbles that "Tameron is sweeping", and then comes back and crashes. I think this boy may have a touch of OCD! Tee hee!! He has such an opinion when he doesn't feel good. And yet he also can't make up his mind, one minute it's chocolate milk, the next he wants ice water... and neither one make him happy! He cracks me up!

My little Cam is such a doll! Last night he wanted a priesthood blessing. We were trying to decide if we should just take him to the ER, or ride out the night. He knew what he wanted. Bro. Burningham was kind enough to come down at 10:30pm and help Jess give him a blessing. It was so sweet. Cam slept pretty well last night...considering. :D He knew it would offer him some relief!

I truly am grateful for my trials. There are worse things... after all. *wink* My life is mine...and I am glad for all I have and all I am asked to learn from. Onward and upward!
~~heather

p.s. I am bummed out we are missing the Valentine's Dinner and Ballroom dancing lesson our ward activities commitee is hosting tonight! *sniff* It sounded like SOO much fun! I hope everyone enjoyed it!! :D

Oh joy...

ok....really not joy. Both the younger boys started bad fevers with coughs overnight. Caleb woke up at 2 am and was 103+ and has only dropped a little with meds. Cam came in about 5am and was just crying! He said he couldn't breath and didn't feel good. He was 101.9 and his cough was so tight! I ran to get the nebulizer while Jess took care of him as he threw up while coughing because his asthma was so tight. He has a slight purple hue to him today, and won't do much at all, but he isn't sucking in...so I am hoping and praying he can get over this without oxygen and a hospital stay. It will be 2 years in July since he has had to be hospitilized. XXcrossing fingersXX

I have gotten soft. I used to be so diligent when there were others that were sick with colds and they got around Cam. It used to scare me to death and I would avoid anything of the sort like the plague. He has been hospitilized too many times in his young life. And I have gotten laxed, and I think I need to consider to not. A simple cold that most mom's dont even worry about exposing others to, still can make my little guy so miserable. I feel like I have let him down by not protecting him more. I have let kids that were sick come to play so I could help out a friend. I have sent him to be tended at places that I know they "just had a runny nose". I let him snuggle with me a little (although then I kept sending them out of my room and I stayed there as much as possible) when I was sick early last week. I never used to do that. I look at him laying next to me, so sad and sick and miserable without enough air, and I get so mad at myself!! I have SO let my sweet boy down... and I am so tired... I am so not the mommy he needs me to be. This truly is so hard for me...and so frustrating!! Part of me wants to say...to heck with taking it easy! I have obligations and stewardships to fullfill. A-fib be damned! My baby needs me. My house needs me. My family needs me. GGRRR!!!!!!!

It came to Pass...not to stay...

I am not so grumpy today. WOWZA do I have cabin fever!! ACK! I have decided to not let it get me down anymore! So I am not what and where I want to be...I am still here...I am still a mom of 4 great kids...and I am married to the love of my life and my very best friend. *grin* no more need of grumps I say!

Actually I am deeply sad for a family member (whom I absolutely adore) going through something un-imaginable to me. It breaks my heart. It makes me want to express my anger and rage at the person that hurt my loved one until they feel as bad as my loved one does. It's a funny thing. I am very grateful that vengence is the Lord's. He at least sees the big picture. I am trying. :) I am trying to not let anger enter my heart...but it many ways man! what a challenge! I am trying too, to also remember, that it does no one any good for me to be mad...it only cankers my heart and soul... and my loved one only needs my unconditional love and support right now...which I whole heartly offer. I LOVE YOU if you are reading this!! You deserve SOO much better!! And Jess and I are here for ANYTHING you need...ANYTIME!!! (((HUGS))

There also has been a lot of boy time around here today. Cody and Cam stayed home with sore throats and runny noses. Yea. The classic deep winter colds. They have had their tylenol and they are playing with Caleb...who is LOVING having them home after 2 days of mom on the couch or the bed. Cars and books on the bed only entertain a busy almost 3 year old for so long...LOL!

I am still not so strong today. I am sure it is my body still re-cooping from the busy weekend right after being so sick. My heart is grumpy. LOL!! But I got my shower this morning....and I cleaned up the paper taking over the kitchen! (now it's in the office...but hey! no milk can get spilt on any of it now right??)

I have been thinking...and since this is my blog...well you get to hear my thoughts! Lucky! (in my best Napoleon voice):

* I can't wait for spring. I am excited that my surgery is after Easter so I wont miss anything! I can't wait for sitting on the front porch in the sun getting warm with my toes in the cool dirt and grass.

* I want to take the kids to Disneyland. We planned to go for 2 years this last fall for our family's 10th Sealing Anniversary. We even wanted to take Jess' family with us since they have never been! My heart and subsequent bills halted that. Jess kept saying he would push me in a wheelchair so I wouldn't get too tired... but it didn't work out. My oldest is 10 and we have not been on a real family vacation of any kind, minus the week in Tucson, when Jess wired things at my aunt's house and repaired the roof. That was a blast...but it would nice to go somewhere that tools weren't needed and Jess could actually just relax. (if the man knew how...Bwahahaha)

* Cody (8 1/2 years old) informed me what sex was yesterday after seeing the commercial of kids telling their parents to talk to them about it! (ACK!!!) He was very reluctant to tell me, but then I was informed it is when you get naked, get under the covers, and "are all smoochy and stuff ". Thanks television. ((insert rolling eyes)) It is time to give him a little more guidance about this subject...and a reminder that it is something ONLY married people are blessed to do. It was not as hard with Emma when she was 8...but for some reason... telling my son is TOUGH! OH JESSSSSS.... me thinks it's *your* turn!! Tee hee!

* Friendships are funny. It's interesting to see and feel them change. This experience of being down so much and being more "needy" than I like really has brought some interesting things to my awareness. I have learned so much more about what kind of friend I want to always be. It has been eye opening about myself and how I respond to things I have never had to really experience before, and it gives me light and insight on how to pass on the good that I am receiving now. Friendships are all different and unique to each friend I have. No two are alike. This had made me cherish those who mean so much to me even more. Even when we are busy and we dont keep in touch like we'd like... friendships seem to never die. At least for me... *grin* And I have made so many new and wonderful friends. Having this heart condition really has given me the chance get to know more of the awesome ladies in my ward and create friendships with them as well! I am so very very blessed!

* Daytime television stinks. That is all there is to it. LOL!

* I miss writting. I miss poetry releasing my feelings and helping to heal my soul. I am thinking that when I feel better I want to take a writting class...maybe see if it will spark something in me again. And a photography class too! HEE HEE

Well...I better go. The boys are getting a little bit wild.

A grumpy vent...

I am feeling very grumpy & frustrated. I am excited about the surgery. I am looking forward to getting better... I am just so tired of being tired! I feel so weak and shaky the last two days. I feel like I am being so lazy just sitting, so I get up and get busy, and then end up panting and wiped out. It's very obnoxious! I want to go shopping. I want to go play with friends. I want to just have the independence I used to have and run to Walmart or the grocery store! You know? I havent hit the sales at Albertson's or Smith's in months. I miss it! :( I am so sick of being in my house I can't even tell you....I want to run away...far far away...& have no energy to do it! *sigh* Grump grump grump....

Yard Sale Success

I just wanted to post a quick and sincere thank you to all of those who made the fundraising yard sale the huge success it was. So many donated items to be sold, so many came and shopped, and set up and cleaned up. A choice dear-to-me few spent this sacred Saturday, the day our beloved Prophet was laid to rest, giving their precious time in an effort to ease and bless my life. I can't even express my thanks for this. This service is immeasurable, and I will be forever sorry and grateful they gave this day in service to me. I know that they will be blessed for it...I just wish there was something more I could do to re-pay them. My heart aches when I think of what they sacrificed on my behalf...

I was deeply sad we had to stay the night in Roosevelt last night after my cousin's wedding. The weather was too ify to drive home at 10 pm...but I wanted so badly to be there the whole day and see all of you dear friends and family that came to support us. I could barely sleep!

The final report I received was somewhere between $2400-2600 collected for the hospital bill today. The yardsale was a smashing success. I am in awe at the generousity and kindness that there is all around us...

Thank you. There is nothing more I can say...