Recovery Day 5/First Day of Therapy

I woke up this morning feeling thrilled! Some movement in the shoulders!! And my hip!! Jes helped me to shower, but he had to sneak out to quickly say prayers with the kids because their carpool was here. While he was gone I was tickled to be able to set my elbow up on the edge of the medicine cabinet ledge and lean down and put on my deodorant on one side! LOL Gotta celebrate all them there baby steps! *grin* And Jes was so cute to be so proud when he got back. :) He is so good to me! He has been noticing and celebrating every tiny milestone. He tells me I can. He tells me never to quit. He tells me he believes in me. And I believe him.

He got us breakfast made and eaten, and we headed out to my first physical therapy appointment. I was nervous. First I havent done much walking outside the house, and second, I didnt know what to expect. But I was ready to kick butt and take names! I want my body back! And aint no way a stroke is ruining my life!

First i met with the speech therapist. He tested some of my speech abilities. i struggled with "t" and "k". I have some troubles with longer words, especially ones with "r"s and "b"s in them. "Baseball player" was a mouthful. "caterpillar" is one they gave me at the hospital and it is still slow and slurry. : P He gave me a bunch of exercises and asked me to make sure I read out loud for 30 minutes a day...enunciating every word. His name is Kirtt...but it sounds like I say Kirk...I WILL say his name right next time I see him! ;)

Brad, my physical therapist, came in next. We reviewed my abilities. He was another knight in shining armor! I loved how blunt and open he was with us... with me. he explained that a stroke means that the original pathways in my brain are now gone. They will never come back. The truth is the brain can re-create *new* pathways, and in the mean time i have to accept they are gone. I can make new pathways. I can make my brain relearn what it knew a new way, but i have to know/accept that for the rest of my life there may be days when i have done too much, gone through something extremely emotional or fatiguing, and i will see recurring symptoms simply because my brain is too tired/lazy to re-use the new pathways I make now. i am so thankful for the reality check so i can burst forward and not go it not knowing. know what i mean?

my best chances for recovery are in the next 6-8 weeks, so i have to work hard, but really it could take 4-6 months for most signs to go away.

Brad then started having me try his excersises. ah. ha.

#1 - take both feet and put them flat on the floor shoulder width apart while sitting in a chair. Tap them up and down together at the same time. it was not easy. not at all. i had to think really hard.

THEN... he had me try to lift them alternately at the same time. i could believe the amount of effort that took!! i could only do it twice...very...very slowly.

#2 - he had me stand up and hold on to his shoulders as he sat in a chair. i shifted my weight from one side to the other. next he had me pick up my feet, one at a time, kind of marching. he wanted knees up. i wasnt so great at this one either.

#3 - we went walking. it was only 6-7 steps, but he wanted heel-to-toe steps without dragging, and the weakness was so very very appearant! that became task #3. walking properly. i have to have jestin hold on to me from behind, and take 10-15 perfect steps 2-3x daily. He said form is most important. "practice doesnt make perfect...perfect practice makes perfect". ;)

#4 - next i was to take my hands and put one facing up, one hand facing down. The task was to alternate them at the same time. ha. yeah. no.

turns out that those items that require me to focus on more than one body part moving at the same time, or opposite my lame side, are nigh-on impossible right now. Them there pathways do not work! LOL

#5 - touch each of my fingers together, one at a time. Once we got to my hands, I really struggled. Really. That is where the most damage is I think. Each new thing I realized a couldn't do anymore, brought this fierce desire to prove my body wrong... and some tears as well.

With each task, i would concentrate until i would cry. i could never have imagined such a thing! It was SOOO hard. Not painful...just mental hard.

#6 - my new nemesis... the cork board. They have a cork board... and it has big fat toddler size pegs that you put in a foam board. My hand would not compute picking up the pegs and keepin them pinched in my fingers at the same time as trying to lift my arm to move them. It was as though I was trying to use my Jedi mind powers that I don't have! I can't begin to describe the mental strain that it was. It took me almost 45 minutes to put in 10 pegs!!! :( It was SO annoying! caleb came with us and he got a kick out of the cork board. When he realized I got to "play" with them... he came right over and said "let make a pattern mom!" LOL He kept trying to help me. it was really sweet.

after the exercises Brad walked us out... or rather made ME do my good steps walking out. I did another 8-10 steps "the right way" before i was completely done. I was shaking. I was sweaty. I was emotionlly and mentally exhausted!!

He wants to see me again on friday. And as we checked out at the front office, the secretary informed us that our little state run primary care insurance program does not cover any physical therapy. BUT. Brad wants to just help me. He says he will continue to work with me, and he will make sure we have the tools/tasks we need, regardless. we both burst into tears... what a miracle. What a miracle. we dont deserve it... but we are humbled, honored and grateful for good people in the world. We pray we can someday repay him. He is a good man. And if any of you need a REALLY good Occup./Physical Therapist... I know JUST the guy! He deserves to succeed and succeed well!

Upon arriving home, my trash was kicked. it was unbelievable how tired i was. i had friends call to check on me, and because of the mental exhaustion, i had to close my eyes to talk on the phone. i couldnt process a phone conversation and visual images at the same time. Weird. it was so weird!

Jestin made us dinner and we gathered in the family room to have me read aloud. I chose this article , thinking it was a good Christmas article. I cried through most of it, either because the words were hard for me to say, or the message was just for me/us. Either way... the words pierced my heart. It was a great ending to a really hard day.

I no longer believe in "I can't".
I no longer want to say that "I can't".

I will succeed. I will gain all my use back. And we as a family will overcome this... and be closer for it... I hope.