It is almost 1 am...

and I can't sleep.

I was being mindless for a little while, playing Farmville on Facebook, hoping that would make me sleepy. But instead, after all my "harvesting", oragnizing and "gift giving"... I am still wide awake! Ack!

Jestin is sound asleep, snoring, here next to me on the bed. He has been feeling "off" today. He slept a good portion of yesterday after his surgery, though I did drag him to Emmalee's New Beginnings program for her youth group at church that night. (which BTW Emma sang this beautiful song with 2 other girls as part of it... I am so proud of her! She has an amazing voice! *grin*). Today he has been generally grumpy, and his head, cheek and ear have hurt. I have encouraged ibuprofen, as often as he can take it, and will likely make him call the Eye Dr. if it isn't better tomorrow.

Tonight he pushed forward though, and took me to Ward Temple Night. We were so thankful to be able to attend the Temple. It is such a gift! Our friends, the Vincents, came and got us and we rode together. I am so thankful for good friends too. It's nice to laugh... even when you don't feel like it. Jes' mood was greatly enhanced just by being with friends.

Emmalee is really having a rough go of things lately. She missed almost an entire week of school with her strep throat, and now is paying the price. Her homework pile has kept her busy from the minute she gets home! She has shed a few (ok lots) of tears over it. She hates being behind, and even more she hates deadlines. They freak/stress her out! Add to this some friends going though some tough times, and her personality like her Daddy and Gram of taking on others emotions and pain, and she is a mess. Her ability to have empathy is phenominal, just like theirs, but she is not practiced at deflecting it yet. She and Jes had a long talk about that tonight, and I think she was pleased to know she has traits like the people that she loves, and that she is understood. We keep teasing her she needs to figure out how to *breathe*... that her life is not as stressful as she makes it out to be! (even though I think it probably is... somehow she's gotta find the joy in the journey! oh... wait... I have needed that advice myself lately! bwahahaha... pot calling the kettle  black and all that! :) ugh. )

Cody is Cody. He is quiet and reserved. He has a "girlfriend" at school, they have just been friends for a while, but now they are talking about more "liking" each other type stuff. Wigs me out a little! He blushes a deep shade of red if you even mention her name, or even mention anything remotely close to girl related. Don't talk to him at all about recess, because that is when they walk around the playground and talk, and he can barely stand the embarrassment of it! It's cute... and spooky. My little man is starting the crush phase! ACK! He already could use a shave (HE'S 11!!!) and his voice is deeper than Jes'. He is changing fast... almost by the minute it seems. He is such a good kid though! I appreciate him so much!

Cameron is moving forward with his busy little life. He loves to hang out with his friends, play on his DS (or any other electronic device) and invent things and do magic tricks. He has taken a real enjoyment out of comic books lately, Garfield being a fav. He is excelling at school and LOVES his teacher! (which I do too! I couldn't have asked for a better fit for Cam this year! His teacher is one of the best we have ever had!) He is looking forward to Valentine's Day... but not nearly so much as his little brother!

Caleb is really struggling lately. He has been acting out at school (his teacher told me she didn't find out about the stroke until 3 weeks after, but she could have guessed the date almost if she could use his behavior in class as a guide). He is acting like the class clown, he won't focus, he quit trying to learn to read, and generally has taken multiple steps back. It has been heartbreaking for me... as I feel completely at fault since I am the trigger, but we are working with him to try and get him to talk about how he is feeling and his worries. This last week, he has all of a sudden taken a great interest into something though... hearts! If you could drive by my house, you would see hearts. He is WAY excited about Valentine's Day... and he learned how to make paper hearts by folding a piece of paper in half. My bedroom windows are so covered you can barely see out! We have hearts on all the walls downstairs and almost every single piece of pink paper we own has been folded and cut. (I will try to take pictures to add tomorrow) It is sweet! He took one to his little friend Audrey's house. We teased that he better be careful! Her daddy is military and he might not like a little boy giving his baby girl hearts! Tee hee! He seems to be a little less teary and withdrawn this week. I am trying to capitilize on his interest in V-day... we have been doing things together and "planning" and tomorrow we are going to go see if we can check out some books about it - and encourage some sight words! We also have sugar cookies in the planner... and he cannot wait!

This whole life of ours has been tough to take lately...I know... surprising huh? But I think that is what is keeping me awake tonight. There has been so much for me to work on, to help ME recover, that now, as I can step back and slow down a little and focus outward, I see that there is still MUCH to heal.

We have tried to keep our children close, answer their questions and be open and honest with them (when appropriate of course). They begged to stay at the hospital with me, as they were scared and uncertain. It was a huge balm to cuddle together and be a family over those 2 days. I know that is what they needed. But as I came home and "life" had to keep going... it quickly became obvious that their mom really wasn't ok. And they have had to deal with that. And it isn't always easy.

And now, as I am stronger and more involved everyday, it is an adjustment all over again. They are giving back some of what they took on while I was down, and that is tough at times as well. They don't want me to over do. They worry something will happen to me while they are at school. There have been many fears discussed and faced. Living in the moment lessons are being learned at a young age, that we can't live worrying about what tomorrow can bring because then we ruin our only TODAY. This whole experience has grown us and stretched us as a family beyond anything we ever could have imagined.

Add to it the financial/housing crisis... and well? Talk about pulling together! Emma wants to babysit to make some money for the family. Caleb keeps bringing me his belongings, saying he doesn't need them anymore, couldn't we sell them to help us to not have to move? He also keeps saying we should just sell some rocks! (bwahahahaha) Cody is careful to wear his clothes twice before putting them in the wash, and PJ's he wears more than that (*shudder*). He is a frugal little thing! Cam prays every night for Jes to get the right job... he never forgets!

We have a climb ahead of us. It's a "rocky ridge" of sorts (a Pioneer story) and our "handcart" is heavy laden. But we are SO blessed! We know we have angels pushing from behind. We know as long as we keep holding out faithful that God will not allow us to walk it alone. We will recover from the trials we are given.

And then we will be given new ones.
It's a process this thing called life.
And it's a gift.

Recovery here we come! Ready or NOT! ;)

Attitude of Gratitude

Today I am grateful for:

• Jestin's eye surgery is done. He is asleep on the couch and it looks like it all went well.
• For food to eat
• For clothes to wear
• For clean water to drink (I know I always say this one... but I love water! And yucky water is not so fun!)
• An organized pantry - it took me all day yesterday, but it makes me so happy to see! :)
• Our adopted "Grandpa" Rod, who lives next door, and his willingness to drive us for Jes' surgery. We are blessed!
• For my new curling iron Jes' family gave me for Christmas. It works so much faster than my old one did... I feel pretty today. :)
• Warm sunshine through the windows... hints of spring to come.
• Our chickens... anyone need some eggs?? LOL
• Music to lift my soul. I realize I have listened to very little of it since my stroke... and regret that now.
• Jes' cleaned suit from the cleaners. It may have been a sacrifice to have done, but it looks SO nice! :)
• No more ward cookbooks to worry about selling. The remaining ones are now the ward's to do with as they please, and the bill is paid in full. That feels good! A completed project :)
• Clean bedding.
• Chocolate Chip cookies... thanks Em!
• Warm blankets to cuddle in.
• My scriptures.. and the comfort they bring.
• Melting snow
• The Temple - and Ward Temple Night to help us get there
• The happiness I can feel again. I have missed feeling joy...

My heart is full of gratitude this day!

Jestin's Final Surgery

Tomorrow Jes goes in for his final eye surgery. We are SO looking forward to it being done, he especially! It has been a long time coming, but today I am reminded of the miracle that it is. Just 6 months ago we were contemplating how we were going to meet the needs of our family as he started noticing the black spots, and his other eye was basically blind. WHAT A MIRACLE!! Here he is, getting one last touch up on his cataract and will then have 20/20 vision in his blind eye ~ and the bleeding in his other eye from the retinopathy is stopped and will likely have no more problems for 8-10 years!! :O God really IS a God of Miracles! We saw NO way to meet his eye care needs, with no income/employment and we were in complete despair.

Our gratitude is so deep and profound today as we have talked about this last year we have endured. Our lives have been walking miracles and answers to prayers. Despite the horrific moments of fear, despair and anguish, we can honestly say looking back, that the Lord has never left us alone. Never. Even when we felt alone, in our most darkest moments, in hind sight we can see His presence and expressions of love.

I have been studying the D&C - sections 6-8. They fill my heart with peace and love. Our Father in Heaven really does know us each individually and knows what we need. And we are not alone.

Today I feel stronger emotionally. I feel like all the burden laid upon our shoulders is bearable and that I can emotionally give it to the Savior now, and mean it/do it. All in all I have had 2 bad days this last week to 5 good days - emotionally/mentally. That is very encouraging to me.

I still struggle with extra un-necesary contention and expectations. I just can't seem to do it, or have the heart to deal with it. Our life is so all consuming mentally and emotioanlly for me right now, added to my physical healing still, that reaching out beyond day to day seems excruciating quite often. And so... I follow Pres. Uchtdorf's counsel and my new quote from Mother Theressa "God doesn't require that I succeed, only that I do what I can do". This is my peace. This is balm to my soul.

There ARE miracles at work here. I have received revalation in my own heart as to the way I should respond and react to what is going on around me, and I am thankful that there are days I can only do a minute at a time, instead of an hour or even a day at a time, because EVERY minute can be precious, and can make a difference.

And so... tomorrow... we are taking our morning one minute at a time. We are surrounded by people who want to help and love us. We are not alone. And these trials are creating miracles from God... why should I think I am a better artist for my life than He?

Write an article...

I have been working on my brain games tonight, trying to improve my mental capacity since my stroke. After each successful completion of a game, my website gives me little tips and tricks. Tonight I was advised to "write an article" - that is is good for my brain. LOL

So... this got me thinking. And thinking some more. What does one who has been mostly home bound as of late have to write about? Especially when my vocabulary is not what it used to be? But then after a word or two to myself about that neagative thought process, I realized there are MANY things that I could write about. Now the quandry becomes what to select. :)

As of late, I have become quite concerned about something in my own home, and have even discussed it with one of my friends who shares my same problem.

We have Netflix on the Wii. We turned off our TV channels (because here in our town we have to pay to have basic channels) and we pay a dollar less for this Netflix service through the Wii. It includes unlimited instant access to tons of movies and TV shows (both old and new) and 1 DVD at a time, unlimited, all month long.
BUT!
There is a HUGE flaw in this service. Despite getting online and selecting our genres and interests, and blocking what we don't want, their parental controls are PATHETIC. We can select to only allow G or PG movies to stream into our Wii for our use, blocking anything above PG. But that creates a problem. Regular TV shows that we love are then blocked because most of them are labeled NR (not rated) or UR (un-rated). So... no Mythbusters, PBS/National Geographic, no Animal Planet documentaries and even some PBS kids shows etc. If Jes and I decide we want to allow these to stream onto our Wii for just us to watch, we have to go online and change our rating selection... and then it takes up to 2 hours to change!

So... I went through their 20 minutes of questions online to have certain types of shows/movies sent to us, and we removed our rating block. (You cannot choose to have NR or UR streamed unless you also authorize PG13 & R.) We thought that would help by answering all their questions. Oh no! It did not. It continually lists horrible titles that my children must pass through while making their choices for cartoons and kids shows.

As you browse what is available to see, the front of the cases are shown. And many of them end up being pornographic! Because they have NR or UR movies, Netflix offers, at my children's figertips, movies and such that are 100% X rated!! I have seen the begining of one of these UR shows, that looked somewhat benign, only to suddenly within 30 seconds of starting the show witness a full oral sex scene streaming into my home!! That image is burned into my mind... and I WAS NOT PLEASED!!!

I *LOVE* having all of Caleb's PBS shows at our fingertips. I *LOVE* my kids learning from all the documentaries and Mythbusters, Rough Science etc when we have the opportunity to sit down and watch them. Jes and I enjoy some of our old TV favorites such as AirWolf, A-team and many more. It has been fun to have, and a lifesaver while I have been healing!

But I have sent a complaint to Netflix. I should be able to turn on our Wii and let my kids SAFELY choose material that is appropriate for them. Jes and I should be able to say we don't want "nudity, violence, swearing etc" even PROPOSED as material that we would want in our home! They have the technology to analyze what we watch and suggest more similar items... why can't they BLOCK the things we DONT want to have access to??

Isn't it child endangerment to stream these pornographic images into my home?? I can't turn on Dinosaur Train for Caleb and go take a shower, because when it is over, it bumps him back to the menu where he has access to all sort of filth! I walked in one day from doing laundry to see him selecting a horror film! WHA...?? It is set up to be an all or nothing system that I don't agree with! We are diligent as parents and only allow them to watch when we are here at home... but that doesn't stop the images they have to see when we select them a show from the menu! Those inappropriate covers could easily be blurred...though we would rather them to not be shown at all!!

Anyway... I know the obvious answer is just to turn it off completely! I realize that! I just hope that Netflix will listen to my voice! They have a really good product! We have mostly enjoyed it! There are just some things that need to be changed! It is NOT family user friendly!! And they would have much better success I think if they offered better parental controls! MUCH better parental controls!

And there's my two bits...

Good Day so Far!

Today has been a pretty good day so far!! I have showered, with shaving legs and conditioning hair, at the same time! (wahoo!) Then I felt like I still  had some energy, so when I did my treadmill exersices. I upped my challege a little! For others, it is likely not so impresive, but I am excited! Lately I have only been able to walk 1/4 of a mile at once and am exhausted and sore. Today I walked for 1/2 a mile! And I upped the incline to #3!! WAHOO! Oh the joy!!

Then I still felt stong... so I pulled the bedding off my bed and I am washing it. I also ironed all the white church shirts! I am feeling so accomplished today!! :)

I need to go take a nap now, but Woo-hoo! Go me!! Today has been kind to me.

2 months ago - Today

Today is a strange anniversary.
It has been 2 months to the day since this 34 year old body of mine decided to have a stroke.
The events that have transpired since that Christmas party with some of my favorite people are incredible to wrap my mind around...

There is still some denial deep inside me. I can't believe it really happened!
I mean I know it did... I just can't believe it.

I am in awe as I think about my sweetheart Jestin. He has been on my mind a lot lately. He has been the wall of courage, support and love through this whole experience.
He has hurt, I know.
He has been scared, I know.
He has struggled, I know.
He has felt very alone, I know.
He has worked until he was completely exhausted, I know.
But he put on a happy face and picked up the major slack, and made our family life work. He has cheered me on when I sobbed my heart out at the loss of ability, or the mental pain of recovery. He has picked me up and wiped my tears. He held me when I cried. He gave me showers, got me dressed, did my hair, got me my meds. He did housework while I slept. He drove me to all my appointments and took notes for me. He has attended all the kids school events for me, without me. He has done the laundry, done the dishes, kept the kids doing their school work. He has cooked meals, gone grocery shopping, made cookies and even planned menu's. He has sat on the couch next to me, watching movies when I know his "always gotta be doing someting" was twitching inside himself - just so I wouldn't be alone. He has sacrificed so much on my behalf. I am not worthy of this wonderful man's love and adoration. Jestin W. Dorius is an amazing man of courage and stength.

And he did all of this when he, himself, was suppose to be avoiding stress and taking it easy so his eye could heal from his own surgery just shortly before! No words can do justice to the amount of love and example Jestin has been to me, and to everyone who knows him these last 2 months.

So... here we are. Two months later. I have most all of my ability to move without thinking (except when I am tired, but we aren't counting that! *wink* ) and am working hard everyday to build strength. This part is much slower than I would like. Improvements are tiny, and take days to show. It is so hard to not want it all... right now! Can't I just be me? I wanna drive. I wanna walk to the neighbors. I wanna go window shopping by myself. I wanna do *anything* by myself.

I did meet my goal to attend the temple. Jestin took me 3 weeks ago, right about the time I said my goal was! I was blessed to have a really sweet older sister sit next to me, and by divine inspiration she enquired about me. When I told her I was recovering from a stroke, she immediately tucked me under her wing and made sure I didn't need anything through the whole session. She was heaven-sent! The divine whisperings of love was topped off by a wonderful surprise! My good friend/visiting teacher (ok...she isn't mine anymore since June, but I still count her as mine! *grin*) was at the veil, she is a veil worker! And she got to be the one to help me through the veil! I stammered and studdered and forgot the words I know so well... but what comfort it was to have someone who knows, loves and understands me be there to guide me! Heavenly Father is so merciful! We hugged and cried as she sent me through the veil. It was perfect.

I imagine it is what dying will be like. There will someone you know and love there to guide you. It won't be scary or intimidating... because God will send us someone we love to hold our hand. I just know it!

Ok. But to be true to my life right this minute:

The darkness has been trying to creep in again... like a bad fog rolling in.
I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to talk to anyone. Discouragement and doubt seem to be creeping in and smoothering me. I feel so alone, even though I am not. I feel like no one really understands what I am going through, but I know that isn't entirely true either. I feel like I am hanging by this teeny tiny thread of a string... with no ability to tie a knot and hang on. Jes is my anchor. He is my everything.
He talked me through some of my crazy/irrational thought processes last night and then gave me a husband's priesthood blessing. He promptly fell asleep, but I laid there and absorbed the love I know he has for me and his closeness with every fiber of my being.
I am safe with him.
I can be me with him.
And he loves me anyway.
And he knows this is not who I really am.
He knows this is not who I want to be.
He listenes to what I say, and he takes the parts he knows are really who I am, and the rest he just lets fall away.
I thank God for Jes every day.
I do not deserve to be his wife.
I do not deserve to be loved the way he loves me.
I do not deserve him.
And deep inside me, I hurt to think that he does not deserve any of this.

So today... is an "anniversary" of sorts.

Things will get better. I pray pray pray they will get better. Please God... can't it get better? It's just gotta!

That makes me smile...

• My sister made us all new pillowcases for Christmas. We all love them! She specifically selected fabric that each of us would love. Jess' has tigers (I call him Tiger and they are one of his favorite animals); Mine is white flannel with beautiful pink flowers and brown circle designs (love!); Emma's is bright happy colors (like she loves) and has cool designs and butterflies (what she has been drawing in art lately) & dragonflies; Cody's has bees on it (he wants to be a bee keeper); Cameron's is green (his favorite color) and has frogs on it (he has begged to get a real frog for a pet for over a year); Caleb's is blue (his favorite color) and has bugs on it (his favorite passtime). I love gifts that are proof of how much someone loves you! :) They make me smile.
• Caleb LOVES Mythbusters. He and Jes can watch episode after episode. Caleb babbles about experiments and hypothesis' etc. At age 5! He has science in his blood! He makes me smile. :)
• Today for church I put on make up including eyeliner and mascara! I haven't really put on make-up since my stroke. It took a while, and lots of concentration, but wow! I felt so much prettier. I have felt old and sickly looking for weeks. My hair has frosted more than double since my stroke. Salt & Pepper at 34! *ugh* Add sunken eyes with dark circles and pale skin and YIKES! SOOO...I also added mousse to my hair and blow dried it to make my natural curls enhanced, and topped it off with a flower clip my niece Britt made. I felt pretty today... and that made me smile! :)
• We attended a youth fireside at our brand new Stake Center tonight. It was the first meeting in the new building. It is beautiful! And our ward finally, after 4 years and many "borrowed buildings", has a "home" instead of driving past 2-3 churches to get to the one we attend. We get to attend our first block meetings next week... in a building we fit in... at the 11 o'clock time slot! (first time ever since we required so many rooms for classes in the older churches, we could never use the middle time block.) We get to settle into a place of our own. THAT makes me smile! :)
• It was 40 degrees today. The sun was shining. Caleb wanted to know if it was summer now. That made me smile.
• My foot still aches like crazy, and is tender in that one spot still, but I am thinking it may just be sprained as it is better than it was. I could walk today without too much of a limp - as long as I walked on my heel ;) And that made me smile.
• Macey's has boneless skinless chicken breasts (fresh not frozen) on sale this week for $1.28/lb. I see canning in my future... and that makes me smile! :)
• My old self feels like she has returned. I feel like I can handle things again. I feel hope. I feel faith. I feel joy. And finding joy in my journey is what I am all about! and THAT makes me smile! *GRIN*

Awe man!

The last two days I have been able to walk longer periods of time without a visible limp. I have been secretly giddy about it ~ out of sight out of mind ~ you know! Less questions and "attention" LOL

I rode with Jes yesterday in his truck to run some errands. I was feeling strong and could move without much thought or reminders that my muscles are weak. It was a good day! Then we made our first stop. *sigh*

His truck is higher up and I stepped out without thinking... right onto my right foot. OUCH!

My leg did not want to support me and I almost went all the way down. My foot *really* was hurting and throbbed all night. Before bed I asked Jes to gently massage my foot ~ thinking it would relieve some of the tension/charlie horse feelings. It helped until he squoze middle toe near the pad of my foot. I hit the roof.

Not sure if it is broken or sprained... but DANG! It hurts!

*SIGH* I tell ya! The fun we have! (((insert rolling eyes)))

No more riding in Jes' truck for a while... and now some limping because I am an IDIOT!

Someday I will laugh about all of this right???? LOL

They didn't sell our house today...

It has been an insane week.
I.N.S.A.N.E.
Here is a quick update:
SUNDAY: We went to church. My mental state was not good, and after realizing I could feel myself cracking again, I had Jes bring me home right after Sacrament meeting. Listening to the choir practice my most favorite song about the Savior, and feel *nothing* I knew I was in trouble! When I got home I fully meant to get things ready for Cam's family party/dinner that night, but instead curled up on the couch and slept until the rest of the family got home 2 hours later. Everyone pitched in and we got the house mostly whipped into shape, and the 4 homemade pizzas started. I got Cam's cake made. And then family started arriving. Cam had a great time, and was thrilled with his own decorating skills - he blew up an entire bag of balloons and half a bag of water balloons (hello! I didn't know you could blow them up with air! LOL). The floor was covered! (I will make another post about his party) I struggled to keep a happy face, but somehow was able to hide it for the most part. At one point, when Jes' mom was peppering us with questions about the house and I got a little snarky and said that "this is a party and we are suppose to be smiling!!". Hinting that the subject was ruining the party. It wasn't very kind of me... but I knew I couldn't go there with *everyone* around and Cam's party being made into a downer.
After everyone left, Jes asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. Steel Magnolia's was my choice. I felt emotionless and wanted to see if I really was. Unfortunately it proved my fears. I was. I didn't laugh. And worse... I didn't cry. *ugh* I didn't like how I felt. I went to bed, hoping with all my heart that the next day would be better.

MONDAY: We made lots of phone calls. Lawyers. Our lender. We gathered evidence for a possible litigation against W.F. for what they have done with our loan modification and their dishonesty. All of a sudden, in the middle of the day, Jes smiled really big. He said he hadn't heard my laugh in over 2 weeks and it thrilled him to hear it. The realization was awesome! I had some good feelings and I DID laugh and mean it! LOL. The pathway from what my mind knew I felt, to what my heart felt, seemed to be healing! :) I spent a good portion of the day sleeping. We were invited to Jes' 1st counselors for dinner and FHE that evening and it was so nice to get out of the house and socialize. I still struggled some to smile and laugh, but they were great hosts and I was glad we went.

TUESDAY: We met with our attorney. He was super thorough and evaluated our complete situation. He gave us our options and told us to go home and discuss it. He can save our home from being sold by helping us declare bankruptcy. We were NOT excited about that option. It feels like failure, after we have done EVERYTHING we can to keep it all together, and we don't have THAT much debt! We just haven't had steady income! But... W.F. painted us into a corner. We have no choice. File and save our home from the sheriff's sale, or keep our debts and Jes' business, and have to move three days from today. We came home and started filling out all the paperwork, while discussing our options. Finally, we simply dropped everything and drove to the Temple to do initiatories. We both went seeking answers to our dilemma. It was WONDERFUL. No... We didn't receive direct answers, but we felt filled with courage. We didn't feel like we were told "yes this is the answer", but we also didn't get "no! don't do it" either. We both agreed to move forward - since it seemed the only pathway we have - and if it is wrong, we prayed that Heavenly Father would stop us. We put our faith in Him that He would. We *need* a roof over our kid's heads... more than we need our pride.

WEDNESDAY: We met with our attorney again and signed all the papers. It was all official. We throw in the towel. We will try to re-affirm our home, our cars and the camp trailer if they will let us. We owe more than any of these items are worth, so our attorney imagines that they will work with us. Our gamble is that Jes doesn't have steady income, so that is our next hurdle to conquer. We have to show we can pay for them! Our filing has bought us time... but we still have some major kinks to iron out.
We came home from our meeting, kind of in a daze. It was deflating to give up. We have worked SOO hard to keep everyone paid with little to no income for over 2 years now! We have sweated blood to keep JWD going and our house payment made until they counseled us to not pay it to get approved for a modification! We have done every last stupid item W.F. ever asked us to do, only to have them lie to us and bait and switch. Our mistake was trusting them, and believing them that "the forclosure was just protocol, and they wouldn't really sell it". We felt relieved that we "saved" our home from being taken from us in just days, but we also mourned the force of hand we had taken. It was sad. Just plain sad.
We wished we knew *for sure* we did the right thing.
Just hours after signing everything, Jes' phone rang. It was an employer from Ogden. He talked to Jes as length, and *really* wants to hire him. After discussing the cost of driving (about $400 every 2 weeks just in fuel) and the 2 hours of commute each way every day, the employer said he would get back to us ASAP. He wants Jes. He is going to try and work something out.
It was a HUGE boost to Jes' spirits.
Then, within a half an hour, he received inside information about a job at a local school district as their electrician. They have great benefits and retirement. The pay isn't great, but with fewer bills, we could make it work! He applied immediately. We both felt awed. We got our answer.
We stepped blindly into the dark. We moved forward with something super scary, having only faith in God as our hope. And AFTER it was over, these blessings of hope came. We felt encircled in the love of God. We will be ok. There is still much YUCK to wade through. We still have much to sort out. But we are being led... and we are trusted to make the right choice. And even though the choice was excruciating... and still makes me feel slightly sick to my stomach... we know it will be ok. We will take what we have learned and we will be better for it. We will be blessed for it. He is aware of us and trusts us!
We were invited to Jes' grandparents for dinner that night, and although we were emotionally exhausted, it was nice to sit and visit with them. It was nice to just be loved. And smiling came a little easier. It was a week this day since I went off the steroids.... and each day has gotten a little better.

THURSDAY: Yesterday Jes and Cody had to go to the Dr. They both have strep. Jes has step throat and Cody has scarlet fever. Thank HEAVENS for our new Dr! He got them right in and they have their antibiotics to get them on the up and up ASAP. I had a physical therapy session, and my therapist said I was doing so well he doesn't want to see me for 2 weeks. He said we have regained almost all of the physical pathways, and now we are just rebuilding strength. He said he is so proud of my improvements, even with 2 bouts of strep throat and this depression craziness! It was balm to my soul. The end is in sight. And I may be cleared to drive again really soon! That brought me joy! REALLY! I fely joy! Halleluyah!

Today was suppose to be the day our house was sold out from underneath us.

We are feeling more at peace with our choice today. There has been NO information from our modification officer. He did NOT get our case finished in time like he claimed he would. Just like we were afraid he wouldn't. We really did ALL that we could to save our home... even by "giving up". Today is another whisper that this is the right path for us. Instead of being victims, we have taken back control.

We could still loose our home if they choose not to re-affirm with us after this is all final, but by that point I won't be so close to recovering from a stroke anymore and may have the strength to pack and move a family of 6! There won't be snow on the ground anymore so we can move into our trailer if we need to. And we will have some time now to know we need to find a place to live instead of being told "it will all be ok" only to have our home be sold and be left with 3 days to move out.

We are going to do all that we can to keep our house. This is our home. We love it here. And we are willing to pay them the price we paid for this house - even though it is $70k more than what it is worth! Seems like a no-brainer for the bank to me! (Idiots... ((insert rolling eyes)) )

My good friend Zulie took me to lunch today, and I felt more than I have felt in 3 weeks. My heart and soul pathways are healing really well. I feel more like myself. I can see some hope. I can feel the Spirit again (which was *the hardest* part about all this emotional/steroid stuff!) and I have laughed a lot today. Can there really be an end to this darkness I have been struggling through??

THANKYOU So much for all your thoughts and prayers. It has been so dark around here, and I know that we made it through because of prayers... and not our own! ;) Someday soon I pray the song that keeps popping into my mind is right... "The sun'll come out...TOMORROW!... bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...there'll be sun!" :)

Free Time at Our House

Things around here have been s.t.r.e.s.s.f.u.l.

We have all taken to distracting ourselves, and the other night I just laughed as I sat in my blue chair looking around the room....

 Cam is playing his new birthday Nintendo DS.

Cody is playing on his. Caleb is playing on Emma's. Jes is lost watching a TV show about muscle cars on the Wii through Net Flix and Emma is sitting at the table drawing. I happened to be playing Mahjong - practicing my mind skills - on the laptop. We were all "together" but all in our own worlds.

 :) Thank heavens for distractions sometimes!! :)

Finding my way back...

I am finding my way back. I have been in a very dark place... and I dropped my basket in a big big way. I went to the doctor yesterday for another case of strep throat (yea me :P) , and to ask him about my mental state. He really thinks it is steroid related. I took my last one on wednesday. It may take up to a week to get it all out of my system. The hope it brought that it could be the steroids and that I am not really psychotic and depressed brought me great hope.

I just want to be ME again. There is so much stressful stuff going on... that without the hope and faith I normally have... I can not bear it. I just want to be me.

Today was a little bit better. I could smile without faking it. I even laughed once or twice! And I did not have any super angry thought processes. There is improvement. And deep down I find some peace in that.

We are a week away from our sale date. No definitive answers. We are pursuing all we can... and trying to dig deep and have faith in miracles. We believe in miracles... we just don't know if they will apply to our home in this recession, with our unemployment history this time. We want it. Really we do.

The bishop gave us both blessings today. They were comforting. We will be ok. Whatever happens... it will be the Lord's will... and it will be ok.

We have had a couple of friends offer us a place to stay and/or a place to park our trailer. We are loved and wanted... and this life is temporary. Right?

I find it interesting that after I have a period of great emlightenment, it is followed by extreme adversity. *sigh* I wish Satan didn't work so hard. Doesn't he realize he isn't going to win in the end anyway? He will still end up miserable and ALONE...even if some of us choose to follow him? We WONT be together. He is an idiot.

The light is coming back. It will just take time. And lots and lots of chocolate! ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMERON!!

Today Cammer Baby turns 9 years old.

 He wanted Lion House Meatballs for dinner, with steamed broccoli. He also wanted to have brownie pudding for dessert. We scheduled his extended family birthday party for the following Sunday, so Grandma Annie and his cousin Joey, came down to have desserts with us on his actual birthday. He got to open a few small gifts: For his early morning gift, he got his own box of Cookie Crisp cereal. For school he got to take Chocolate Hostess Cup Cakes to share. And then after dinner he got his own tape measure (to try and make slap bracelets out of), a pedometer and some of his favorite treats ~ including 4 packs of Hubba Bubba gum. He was thrilled!

It was torture for the poor boy to wait another few days for his other party! He had saved all the money he got for Christmas, and what little he had earned, and asked everyone for cash so he could go and buy himself a Nintendo DS. Waiting to see if he would have enough to get it was SOOO suspenseful! LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAM!! We love you SOO much! You are a very special part of our family!

Depresion, birthdays and loosing our home

I have avoided posting. The medical warnings from my doctor and therapist have been fulfilled. I am struggling with a veil depression this whole last week into this one. They told me that post stroke it was highly likely. They told me to be prepared. I thought I was. I wasn't.

My MIL told me that I post too much on my blog and that I needed to not "air dirty laundry" so to speak. And so I have buried myself in silence & solitude, and it is agony. And I have decided that I don't want to withhold the bad... and only post the good.

And so... here is your warning now: This post is depressing, and there is nothing anyone can do to fix it. Ok? If it hurts you to read it... then please don't. It is more for me and giving my heart voice... than for anyone.

I am SAD. Really sad. And I think it is OK to be sad! I have lost a lot of my normalcy. After this stupid stroke, it took me over a week to be able to pee on my own again, and almost 3 weeks for my bowels to work. My recovery has been slow, yet fast, miraculous, humbling... and yet the hardest thing I have ever done. And yet, I am still a shell of what I used to be. I am not, at all, ungrateful for the blessings I have been given, or the joys I have felt. I truly am utterly thankful. And that hasn't changed.

But now? I am sad. My mind says that everything will be ok. My mind tells me I *KNOW* things will work out. I just wish my heart felt the same. I am scrapping the bottom of the barrel.

I know it is a chemical imbalance in my mind. I know this is not who I normally am. I am an optimist! I firmly believe that all things work for our good! And usually I embrace all aspects of my life. I find joy in my journey!

I just can't find it inside myself right now. It's like the pathways from my brain to my right side were.... these pathways to feel joy seem lost.

I am praying a lot. I am reading the New Testament... just to "hear" the Saviors voice. I am trying to "put on a happy face" and "fake it". But it hurts. My life hurts right now.

Today is Cammer's 9th birthday. I can't run to the store and buy his gift. I can't even really plan a trip to the grocery store without having to ask someone else to take me (I still can't drive). And even if I could, we don't have a dime to spend on birthday hoop-la. Planning on Jes' extended family coming over, and doing a party for them, and him, makes my eyes shed many tears and my heart break. I can't seem to find the celebration mode of myself. I just want to become invisible and non-existent, like I was to them after my stroke.

And the guilt that I feel for this, for not being able to push past it and do it for Cameron, because I love him more than life itself, it very discouraging! WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?? He deserves a good birthday. He deserves to be celebrated and coddled today. And I am failing at it. I am not able to be the mom I want to be for him because of this blasted stroke, and this stupid economy, and my rain cloud mood and IT SUCKS!!!!!

We have 10 days until our home is up for auction. The mortgage company has been crocked and evil when it has come to this, and long story short, unless we figure out something quick (which our hands are kind of tied) we will loose our home in 10 days and will have 3 days to get out. And without Jes having a permanent job, we have little leg to stand on anyway, having made our payments or not. On paper we are a mess. We pay our tithing, so it seems to work out, but black and white... is super RED.

It leaves me to wonder... how much more??

How long will we continue on this path of never ending afflictions? I FULLY recognize the great blessings that have come from our trials. We have grown more than we EVER could have otherwise. And I am glad. I just really, REALLY want the opportunity to "rest for a season". And I feel selfish and greedy asking for more miracles.

I want my happy self back. I want to shake off these awful chains of sorrow and despair.

I want my sweet little man to have a great birthday, with a mom he can TELL is happy about it.

And I, funnily enough, REALLY want to keep our home. And for the mortgage company to not "win" another victory over the little guy.

Yet... I know... all I can do is pray for these things... and hope with all the hope I can muster, that MY will matches HIS will.

But if not....

I will not loose faith. I know He has a plan. My testimony is not rooted in "things".

And I trust Him.

I just wish I could find happiness in it. Right now. :(

Aphrodite Emma

Emma was asked to play Aphrodite

 in the school Mythology Play.

She did great! She created this costume on her own with sheets/fabric we bought at DI.

She looked beautiful!

Her part was a perfect fit! :)

A Friend

I watched the movie "The Ya-Ya Sisterhood" for the first time while I was sick. It got me thinking about different things... but mostly:

We are blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives.

They come as family.

They comes as neighbors.

They come as co-workers.

They come as friends.

And sometimes they come as people you know that you have known forever...

I have many many wonderful friends... but today I am thinking of one in particular.

This is one of my dearest friends.

She was one of those people.

 I knew her before I knew her.

We were blessed to be neighbors for just a few short years, but time doesn't seem to matter.

Our families are great friends, and whenever we get together it's like we pick up where we left off.

It's like coming home.

We have had so many adventures together. We enjoy many of the same things.

Our personalities just seem to compliment each other and we work well as a team.

Life is fun when I am with her.

We laugh.

We plot.

We dream.

We cry with each other over sorrows that only a true friend can share in.

I can trust her with all my secrets.

She is the one that understands my heart... and sometimes when my mouth says one thing and my heart feels another... she knows the truth.

She is my anchor.

And how does she always seem to know when to call?

I know that she is there...

and I know she is someone I can count on no matter what.

And I strive to be the same for her.

She is my "sister"...

and she is a gift.

I thank God that He gave me a friend like her.

Miles apart...

but still so much a part of who I am.

And I realize not everyone has found their "safe friends". I pray for that.

For everyone in my life.

Being understood is HUGE!

What would we do without friends?

Fightin' the Blues...

I am fighting a healthy dose of the blues.

To combat them... I am makin' me an "Attitude of Gratitude" list.
I am thankful for:

• clean water to drink
• food in my pantry
• Jestin
• My kids
• electricity to cook with
• my infuser warmer thing Jenny gave me for my essential oil scents... they bring me peace.
• my mom
• my sister
• a washer and dryer
• my calendar on my cell phone
• my physical therapist
• my new Doc
• my mind and it's finding new pathways
• my testimony
• my blue chair
• Jes' laptop
• Christmas decor put away
• Sister Moss selling 16 cookbooks for me!
• a phone and a friend that really cares ;)
• Jes' mom helping with my bathrooms and laundry today
• antibiotics
• heart meds
• my scriptures - especially the New Testament lately
• my Savior Jesus Christ, whom I am "getting to know" through my reading
• clothes to wear
• my camera to preseve memories
• pickles for my sweetheart to enjoy (*shudder*)
• a warm home when it's 8 degrees outside
• my strength that is slowly returning :)
• a replacement modem, and a warranty to replace it with
• light to see
• bed to sleep in
• a safe place to sleep
• shoes to wear
• socks without holes
• a desire to hope for something better... if not the full faith... the desire to hope! ;)

1/11/11

Fun Date today! Things are getting better here. Officially (knock on wood) I am the only one the wicked bug hit. Jes has not felt great on and off, but seriously I think it is a heavy dose of "the man just does too much!" He is an amazing support: from shuttle-kids-to-school-and-back, laundry-rotator, breakfast-lunch-and-dinner-maker, dish-doer-kitchen-cleaner, to back-rubber, couch-cuddler-while-watching-TV-guy and excellent kisser! Not to mention his calling, his company (he does get some small jobs here and there) and his own health. He is just plain amazing! I think I will marry that man! *grin*

Cam's Creation

This is a globe that Cam made. He was very pleased with how it turned out! He is so clever!

Better today... inch by inch

Fever finally gone this afternoon, and chills/sweats/horrific body aches with it. I am still super weak. But I can swallow more. I ate about 1/4 cup of oatmeal for breakfast and a glass of juice, with the bonus of all my meds. And they stayed down! woo hoo! This afternoon I ate 1/2 a pudding cup, but could not finish it. Emmalou-who just was daughter of the year and made us pizza for dinner, since Dad has a small job and still isn't back yet. She is my hero. I will strive to eat a least a piece.

I weighed myself... I know it likely is not something to celebrate considering the source...but I lost 10 lbs!! :)

What a crazy week. I cannot seem to figure out how it is thursday? I have this nagging feeling there was something I was suppose to do... am I just not sure what it was. I slept/suffered the week away. LOL

This evening I took a shower and washed all the icky sweaty yuckiness of being sick for days away. I feel tons better mentally...just having clean hair and skin. LOL The simple joys in life. Now I am heavily resting and fighting the urge to fall asleep yet again, in hopes of being able to fall asleep tonight with my arms around my sweetheart. I have avoided him for days trying to keep him well. And I can't belive how much I miss him...even just across the bed.

The wonderful part of the whole sickness? I am weak, but I am EQUALLY weak all over. I don't feel the loss of ability to support myself on my right side anymore. Maybe all that sleeping the last few days has healed some brain pathways? I am hopeful. We will see as I strengthen all over. :)

I never posted about my follow-up Dr. appt. on Monday morning. I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home, and got worse from there. My doc is a little concerned about my plateau of improvements. It could indicate more problems on the horizon, it could be all the craziness of pushing through the holidays, or it could just be I hit a plateau and it will take much more work to improve from here on out. Regardless of the reason, after much couseling/talking we decided to put me on another 2 weeks course of steroids to encourage healing. He also counseled as my Speech Therapist did... I have to nap everyday. It is very important to my recovery (yea). Dr. C. also wants me to consider another arrythmia med, as I have had 2 episodes of A-fib in the last 2 weeks (not counting the one I think I had in my sleep), which I have not endured for months and months. I took the prescription, but as I ponder it, I think I will counsel with Dr. H (my cardiologst) before I begin another one. I was uncomfortable with starting the one I am on, and to add another makes me a little nervous. I think I need to go see him anyway now that I have had a stroke. Just to follow up.

Anywho... enough blah blah blah for the history books.

Things are getting better. I am healing. That sucked. And I just hope and pray NO ONE else catches this infection. It kicked my butt that's for sure! LOL

sick...so sick

never been so sick in my life. high fever (103.5+) for 2 solid days. my body hurts so much i just cry. chills so bad they make me puke. have kept nothing down as my throat feels like there is something stuck in it and it gags me with my own spit. i am so weak. I toss and turn because everything hurts so much there is no comfortable position, or side to lay on that doesn't hurt. pretty sure its strep. my new doctor randomly called to check on me last night and prescribed antibiotics over the phone after asking me about all my symptoms. He is pretty sure its strep as well. he is just awesome! today my fever went down 100.8 for few hours, but spiked back up to 102.7 this evening. starting to have sharp muscle pain and spasms...one of which felt like it was my whole heart cramping in pain! creepy. hope tomorrow is better. finally got some small amounts of liquid in me this evening and finally took my heart meds for the first time in 2 days. Struggling to keep them down, but hopeful. This bites. I am so thirsty. i am ready to get over this and never experience it again. I have has strep before, but NEVER like this. Wowza. worried about how this will effect my stroke recovery. Things are so weak, so painful, hard to move. Sucks. My body is loosing this battle...
If things dont improve by leaps and bounds I think I will be headed to the doctor and/or the hospital for fluids and stronger antibiotics. And if my heart does that again... we are going anyway! ;)

DOG PILE!!

Daddy laid down for a minute and before you know it...

5 person dog pile!!

Tee hee hee

Bearing Testimony

I am thankful today for the ability to attend fast and testimony meeting. A wonderful sister in our ward stood up and talked about sharing what is in your heart. And thanks to her comment, I could not stay in my seat. I *really* didn't want to go up there. I really didn't want make that walk up there and take on those steps with everyone watching. And try to speak without stuttering in front of all those people. Ugh.
(Saturday was a REALLY good day. I had all the stength I needed to clean up my room, do some laundry, shower, shave my legs, and wash/condition my hair, and made dinner without too much struggle. It was AMAZING. Then I woke up this morning with heaviness in my right side, weakness and just generally feeling exhausted. I really didn't feel up to life today...)

But the Spirit would not leave me alone.

Jes was a sweetheart, and walked me up to the front. I am not 100% sure what I said, I was concentrating too hard on making sure I used small words so I wouldn't stumble. LOL So I thought, for my family's sake, I would share my testimony here. :)

I know that my Father in Heaven loves me.
I know that I have a Savior, even Jesus Christ.
I know that I am an eternal being having a mortal experience. This physical body that I have is NOT who I am. My spirit and my body are not the same thing, yet. Someday they will be, but for now they are not.
I am a Child of God.
He is aware of me in all things.
This life I am living is not completely real. This mortal life is not real. We all come from a holier sphere, and THAT is our reality. That is what is real.
Life is short.
Each day needs to be enjoyed like a breath. When you are concencrating on breathing, you can't focus on the last breath you took, and you can't worry about the next breath you take. The only thing you should be aware of the breath you are taking. And ENJOY the gift of that opportunity.
And to love your family... time is precious. And this is the time to prepare to be together forever. I am not doing this for me alone... I am living this life the best that I can for my family.
I want to be with them forever... and I know that I can be.
Each day is a gift and a chance to grow and improve and learn more about who I am and why am here.
And what a blessing and gift that is...

New Year's: Look Not behind Thee

THIS is what I learned this year! This video speaks to my heart! :)
*** HAPPY NEW YEAR ***
To all our family and friends!!

Quick Update

Wow! What a crazy couple of weeks! Things are improving by leaps and bounds. I went to therapy yesterday, ready to show off all I can do... which my PT was excited for... but then he taught me what I can't do yet. LOL Yea. not. *sigh*

I can't walk backwards. I can use my right foot to step sideways, but if I step left first, my right foot can't follow. My strength is crap. Squats are a fun game of left side pulling right side everywhere. Pulling myself up onto my toes with both feet is funny... I can do it when I allow my left foot to lead, but if I try to do my right foot (putting all weight on it and letting it pull me up) it doesn't work. I can use the stretchy things to do bi-cep, tri-cep curls...if they let me use my shoulder. If I have to use my elbow (which I do...I just didn't for the 1st set he had me do) I can do the motion, but not with resistance. It's fun.

I am walking better. In the mornings I can walk without much of a visual limp. (I can still feel the weakness but can hide it well) By the evenings I am totally limping again though. They say that is normal. I just find myself annoid by it. LOL. Stairs are easier in the morning... and irritating at night. Mornings are great. Evenings suck. And how many people have morning social events.? bah. humbug.

My speech is almost perfect in the A.M. as well... but I struggle at night. I told my speech therapist as much yesterday, and he asked me the best questions EVER! He asked if I was getting a nap EVERY DAY. I said no... I often fall asleep for a few minutes here and there all day long, but I wasn't taking naps on purpose. He was surprised and apologized for not telling me that sooner. My brain NEEDS a 1-2 hour nap everyday. huh. GO ME!! Best prescription I EVER got! Bwahahahaha! Bigger words with an R, B or a TR in the middle I really struggle with. Also when I talk fast (ok..normal for me) my words will stall and I stammer a bit. My most favorite (not) is the recurrent brain farts though. I can be in the middle of talking about something and it is all of a sudden gone. Now I know I used to do that a little bit before... but not like now. It's a lot. And really OBNOXIOUS. (and yes... I can almost say that word now without stalling in the middle! BWahahahha)

Today has been a sleeping day. I slept until 10 am (11 hours of sleep). Got up. Ate breakfast. Did some research for my health and Cam's migraine, picked up a few things, and promptly fell asleep shortly after noon and slept for another 3 hours. *blush* I could have gone back to bed shortly there after too! They tell me sleeping a lot is common after a stroke... I just wish they had told me that sooner! I wouldn't have fought it so much! Bwahahaha!! It was TORTURE for me to fight not sleeping more in the previous weeks! But i thought it was silly that i was sleeping so much and pushed my exercises more instead! Now i know I will do better in ALL aspects if I sleep more. Sign me up! ;)

I was suffering from an acute sense of A.D.D. for a little over a week and half. It was like I couldn't tune anything out and felt SOOO over stimulated all the time. Thankfully, that seems to have improved the last 2 days. My poor kids were perplexed that things I used to ignore, now made me crazy. I felt bad, as I am not one to snap at people very often, but they all got it at least once. Dinner time was the worst. I was trying to concentrate on using utensils, and they were yammering/bickering/picking at each other or trying to talk to me. I really struggled with that. My poor kiddos. Even Jes got a few backhanded comments for making things complicated. I have tried so hard to be kind and upbeat about all of this... but I just couldn't do it all the time. Good thing they all love me huh? :)

Anywho... Christmas was crazy/fun/hard/awesome, but I will post about that later. Just wanted to give you all an update! Tomorrow is 4 weeks since my stroke and I can't believe how fast it has flown by... and how blessed I have been! :)

Festival of Lights 2010

Continuing our tradition, we enjoyed a fun evening with the Throckmorton's. Suzie made us a killer meal (Cheese Manacotti...Yumm!) As per tradition, we laid the seats down in the back of our car, and all the kids piled in the back. The Dad's settled in the front seats and we drove a few blocks to the city's...

On the way there we sing Christmas songs at the top of our lungs. The Dad's just roll their eyes. LOL

Poor little Jack was NOT pleased with the singing though! *Giggle* He wanted us to be quiet. 

The whole city park is set up with different scenes made entirely out of lights and we just drive around and enjoy them, while listening to Christmas music they broadcast to our car. 

It is magical!! 

Adi loved them!! 

Caleb loved the cowboy/camping ones! 

This kids love that we open the back window and they can hang out and see it all... 

Skiers! 

This picture the boys in the group are going crazy over the huge dinosaurs and a volcano spitting lava! (I was on the wrong side of the car to get a good photo of them) They LOVED it! 

The Castle in "Toy Land" 

"Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh...." 

Adi climbed on top of whoever was sitting closest to the thing she wanted to see. She really LOVED the lights! We could have gone back through it over and over and she likely never would have gotten bored. It was so cute! 

Another of the boy's fav's! The dragon!! 

It was bumpy near the Nativity, so this was the best photo I could get, but I *love* Nativities, so this was a favorite for me :) 

This photo is of the Bear (white) catching the fish that were "swimming" in the river. It looked like they really were swimming! It was cool! 

Toy Soldier from Toy Land... yes we drove through it all again. It was worth another lap. If Adi had had her way we would have kept going! LOL 

Cheese!! 

"That light is so bright Mom!!" 

The crew 

Jack was asleep within blocks of the festival 

And poor little Adi cried herself to sleep she was so disappointed to leave the pretty lights!

We drove around looking for more lights, but it was too late in the evening for many of them to be on, so we headed back to Throckmorton's for dessert and a few games. It was a lovely Christmas Eve Eve.
We are so blessed to have such good friends! Thanks for helping make one of our favorite traditions be realized this year Suzie! :) We really enjoyed it!

Caleb's dreaming of a White Christmas?

All day yesterday it snowed on and off. We had a few inches and the kids were thrilled! Last night it was Caleb's turn to say prayers. He thanked Heavenly Father for the snow, and then asked if He would please send us more.

When we had Caleb look out the window today he gasped "I guess I prayed a little too hard!"

Bwahahahaha!!

We woke up this morning to a heavy blanket of fresh snow! Jes had to borrow the neighbors snow blower because it was so labor intensive! :)

Two day total!

 And then... this is just what was new overnight!

 Fun to shovel off a driveway huh??

 Jestin's poor truck is going no where fast! LOL His tires are terrible so he is stuck in the snow at home :)

 Cub was SOOO pleased to get out in it... we had to send him back in to get pants on! He came out to get busy in it in his PJ's! (tee hee)

 Cam suited up and was on a mission!

 Cody was a good sport and helped his Dad do driveways and sidewalks throughout the neighborhood.

 Cam's plan was the biggest pile they could make... and then turn it into a fort!

 Dad and Cody had a blast throwing snow at him! LOL

 Catch that Cam!

 Hey! Good catch!! :)

 Caleb and Cam packing it down. The kids spent almost the entire day outside. They came in after dark and had to be run through the bath to get warm. It was a perfect snow day! Even Caleb's last day of school before Christmas break was cancelled because of the snow... but he got so much pleasure from playing with his siblings in the snow he didn't even mind.

 It snowed almost all day. This was our table in the back yard.

 I love how it was coming down... and how it covered Jes' truck.

We had to dig out the chickens too! LOL

And it's suppose to snow all day tomorrow into Thursday...

I think we are going to have a White Christmas this year!

*GRIN*