Where O where have we been?

It's been weeks. I know.

Life really threw us a curve ball and we have been trying to absorb, sort, justify and enjoy. All at once.

I have much to update, but for now you get my random questions...

• Why when you need something for first thing in the morning, it never fails that the website is down, the printer won't print and everybody needs you all at once?
• Why is food poisoning so painful? For the amount of pain, in the waves I experienced them, last night I feel slightly jipped that there is no cuddly newborn to love out of the deal! LOL
• Why does cantaloupe turn my 5 year old into a sneak? Shouldn't candy cause such a shift in personality?
• Do you think a 5 year old will get some tummy troubles for the half of a cantaloupe that he consumed tonight?
• Why would they have 8 year old scouts go to Day camp at 6 am... but the 10 year olds go at 1:30 pm? I think they hate me.
• Why is it when you finally act on an answer to a prayer... you still can feel so sick and unhappy about it?
• How do you let go of someone who hurts you, over and over, without knowing it (or caring?) without hurting them in return?
• Where is a good place to "run away"? Where ever you go... you always have to come back. LOL.
• Why is chocolate such a great way to improve anything? And why is Coldstone 10x better than chocolate?
• Couldn't chocolate or Coldstone NOT make you fatter when there are times you really "need" it? That only seems fair!
• How did I ever get so lucky to be married to my very best friend, my greatest champion and someone I am still so madly in love with? (and who is super hot! hubba hubba!)
• How is it possible I lived over 2 months without him? It seems like a dream...
• Why can't I confront those that need confronting without being so afraid I will not be understood? But I need to stand up for myself and I want to be heard... do I really "need" to be heard? That is the question!
• Why are little white lies made out to be so insignificant? Sometimes they hurt the most.
• What would you do if the Savior came tomorrow? I have been thinking that a lot lately.
• Where would you like your life to go? This is one I think of too.
• Who matters most to you? Yep. It's in there.
• Why do you keep going, keep believing, keep trying? That one is what I have found the answer to this last little while. It is a personal question we all must find the answer to I guess.

It is SO nice to have Jestin home. Oh... he is home now BTW. LOL. No more work in California for now. Our family is complete again. It has been a lovely week+.

Well.. there is much to do tomorrow... and much to sleep off tonight... like being up all night last night being sick... I promise I have not forgotten that I have a blog. I will be back!

Two of our dearest friends...

When I was a "crazy woman" and drove to California to get Jestin, these two sweet friends of ours made a great sacrifice and took all four of our children for me for 4 days! And they have 5 kids of their own! LOL They did a great job of making it an easy thing for the kids... they played and worked hard while they were there. It was perfect. Cody took this picture when, one evening of fun turned into dancing in the livingroom! It is so cute!

Thank you Austin and Amy... from the bottom of my heart!! I can't even begin to tell you how much your friendship and support has meant! LOVE YA!!!!!

Baptisms for the Dead

Emmalee got go and do Baptisms for the Dead in the Provo temple with our ward. It was her first time in a temple since we were sealed when she was 1 month old. We have such a great group of kids! It was a beautiful morning!

Emma and one of her best friends, Jessica.

We can't wait to go and do them together as a family at "our" temple... Mt. Timpanogos!

Jestin is Home etc etc etc

Jestin is home for a week. We are SOOOOO glad to have him back! Life is just NOT the same without him and California is just TOOO far away. (whiny I know!)

We have been approved for the State Health Insurance Program (PCN) for parents because of our lack of income, and now we will have insurance for 1 full year! Cannot BEGIN to explain the relief/joy/glee/humility/gratitude etc that this entails! We both will get our meds updated and adjusted and maybe even get Jestin's eye repaired? Who knows? Woot woot!

He also has been getting a few more phone calls for JWD Electric. We are deeply hopeful that we can keep our business and our personal financial lives going... but there has been so much shrapnel, I just don't know if we can save it or not. It is a work in progress to say the least!

The kids are officially out of school today! Caleb is done with pre-school. This whole phase of my life is over. No more preschoolers. Weird. Emmalee is done with elementary school. We will now start the Jr High "highs and lows" (oh boy.) Weirder. I have decided to enjoy our summer together and weep and wail about the changes later! *wink*

We are keeping the little dog again. Manina (Nina), aka Saydee, aka Zoey, is here for half the summer. Her new mommy and daddy are back east for 6 weeks and could not keep her with them on their visits to the LDS Church history sites. Her momma has called to check on her and misses her something fierce! Her "grandma" wants us to bring her over for the afternoon asap! LOL It is so wonderful! She is the most balanced I have EVER seen her! She *NEEDED* this new family. She is so obedient and happy! It is just amazing! Sophie and Nina are having so much fun wrestling and growling until they fall over in a puppy huddle and sleep for hours. It is just fun to watch. They have not had any of the competitiveness they did before. It is great!

I threw out my back carrying a 40 lb bag of chicken feed to the back yard. Oh wow! I had no idea what it entails to get older and weaker! My sister Jenny came and took care of me. She is a licensed Massage Therapist and a Medical Assistant so her understanding of how to "fix" the human body is just AMAZING! I was good after the first visit, until getting ready for Jes to come home... heh heh... I lifted the carpet cleaner up the stairs and didn't stop to rest on the way up (I was trying to hurry) and threw it out again! Now it is so painful to move. Sitting has to be done on the edge of the seat or I feel like my top half will collapse onto my lower half any moment. Pretty rotten to have happen while Jes is here... since I am in pain... but nice because he has been rubbing those muscles when I can't take it anymore. I went to see Jenny again today and it helped, but I think I let it hurt for too long and now I am just sore. I am hoping for a better tomorrow. *grin*

(btw - Jenny is out of AF/PG if any of you want her number LMK... she is AWESOME!!! And very reasonably priced! Nirvana Massage is her business)

We have no real plans for this Memorial weekend, other than save gas and stay home, and Jes work on some local jobs. If I can start using my back again I have a few more plants to get into the ground and would like to work on some odds and ends projects I can't do without Jestin. *HEE HEE*

Happy Memorial Day to you all! I hope you all take the time to remember those who served this great country of ours and honor them... even though our CRAPPY President's example is stellar. I hope we ALL can be better American's than our President... and honor our roots and our history!

A Facebook post from May 4-6th...

Heather Dorius: shout out of thanks to the men in our lives who helped the boys with their pine wood derby cars!! ThAnKyOu!!! Also... thanks to all the neighbors who bought "pretty crystal rocks" from Caleb today and he went door to door... *blush* Mortified that he was telling people "we need the money"! Better watch who's around when I complain about creditors calling! *gulp* THANK YOU!! WE HAVE SUCH GREAT PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE!! :)


May 5 at 8:55pm ·
Like Kathy Gibson Thacker, Shannon Bellows Vincent and 2 others like this.

Norma Chaffin Hehehe!!! WTG, Caleb! Yours is not the first kid to go around the neighborhood peddling trinkets, Heather, nor will he be the last!

May 5 at 9:17pm ·
Jill Burningham He is so stinking cute! He told Brett he was selling a lady bug for a nickel, so Brett gave him a nickel and he let him look at it. He said that was enough to see it, but not to keep it! We got a good laugh out of it, he is way cute!!!!

May 5 at 10:37pm ·
Shannon Bellows Vincent Jessica told me last night about it. I thought it was so sweet and cute!

May 6 at 8:35am ·
Erin Caywood Askar Soraya was devistated when she found out that Caleb had sold the lady bug to "Bryn's brother". That was the hot ticket item last night--we should have acted faster!

May 6 at 10:53am ·
Jennilyn McKenna We love our little rocks! It was so cute how they divided them into different sizes :) Tim says he can help supply rocks next time around. :)

May 6 at 2:58pm ·
Heather Dorius LOL! This all cracks me up and completely embarasses me at the same time! He is TOO smart! Little pickle!

Jill~ I about peed my pants reading your comment! Little stink! That is SO funny!

May 6 at 3:22pm ·
Heather Dorius Jennilyn... Tell Tim thanks for the offer... LOL... but I think we will be nipping the rock selling in the bud! We all have enough rocks in this neighborhood without him charging for them! LOL

On a cute side note... he had cracked open the crystally ones and washed them all. He is quite the entrepenuer! LOL

The sun will come out... tomorrow...

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow... there'll be sun!!!

Things are feeling better. Nothing has changed, Jestin is still out of town working. I am still struggling to be the mom of 4 all alone. Our financial fu-bar gets deeper everyday...but I feel better!

I was able to go see my sweet bishop with Jes last weekend when he was home. I confessed my discouragement with life and finance and the correlation to Jestin's calling it seemed. I told him that I was struggling with this roller coaster of "having great faith" to "utter despair". I was tired, worn out and feeling quite sick on this ride. He was supportive and kind. And then he gave me a priesthood blessing.

THAT is what I have needed! I have needed to set aside my worldly cares and focus on the eternal. In short, he counseled to not think about how bad things really are (which was comforting to have him acknowledge in a way), that my Father in Heaven KNOWS it all, but that He has a grand design in it. I need to let go of my desire to control the now and focus instead on the eternal. AND on being a mom. He went into length about that and it was HUGELY comforting. He blessed my heart to be strong and function as I need it to while Jes is away. There was so much more that I don't think I should share, since it is sacred to me... but I feel so much stronger!

I would not truly be thankful I think if I did not post the grand change in my heart, soul and feelings that has occurred since then. My Father in Heaven has given me the courage I did not have. He has given me the peace I so desperately need. And I can feel, a little more each time, that when I turn my will to His... and am simply grateful for what I have now... not what I want/need next, He blesses me.

I am so thankful for the power of the Priesthood in my life. I am so thankful for all it bestows upon me and my family. I don't know how I would survive without the power of God in my life in such a profound and life altering way. How lost and alone I would feel!

Items for sale - Virtual Yard Sale :)

I am trying to not only dejunk, but also make some ends meet, so we are selling a few items. I have them listed on KSL.com, but thought I would post them here too in case any of you could use/need anything we have for sale :)

#1 - Cody's Homeschool Desk - $75

It has a few blemishes, but after being touched up with the same color you can barely notice them. Jestin re-did the backing (it was flimsy cardboard) and used a piece of beadboard (facing out). I always meant to cover the inside with a cool piece of wallpaper or something so it wasn't brown and boring, but Cody just hung up all his favorite photos and it was fine. Has a pull out keyboard drawer and a file drawer. Jestin also installed undercabinet puck lighting with it's own switch. Makes a great "central location for the computer"! :)

#2 Collectors Edition Native American Barbie - $20

Jestin bought this for me when we were dating. I was collecting all the Native American Indian dolls. I have only this one left. We are asking $20 since it is more than 15 years old and still in it's original box. :)

#3 Star Wars R2D2 Collectors Keychain - $15

About the same time Jes bought me the doll, I bought him this keychain. Still in packaging.

#4 Cannon Rebel XT EOS Digital Camera - $450

Yes. I know. I am selling my camera. It makes me a little sad, but I know from previous experience, that when you sacrifice something for the greater good, you are blessed with something better later *grin*. I am not giving up my dream ya'll, but just putting it on hold for the time being. *wink* If you want details on it call me. I bought it re-furbished from Cannon. Comes with backpack, strap, lens, 3 memory caards, battery charger, all original info and box.

#5 Singer Sewing Machine - $80

I honestly cannot tell you much about this machine, other than "she" and I do not get along. I am sewing machine impaired. It has sat in my closet since we got married, only to be taken out, tried and put back twice. The cover become the carry case. I also have a bag with bobbins etc for it (I think?) Like I said... I know little to nothing. Someday I will learn and try again, but for now, the funds are needed elsewhere ;)

#6 - Baby Monitor - $20

Has been in a bag since we moved here. I bought it at a yard sale to use when we were in the apartment while this home was being built. I used it to know when Caleb woke up and we were out on the common area playing. Since then I have not gotten it out. Comes with a clip for your belt.

Updates - Back in Time

I have tried to update our blog with things I have not posted in chronological order. Thought I would make a post about them to save you time... in case you are REALLY interested in our lives and happenings and actually wanted to see pictures too! *grin* Enjoy!

Spring Break Camping Trip
Caleb's Birthday Party
Cody's Renaissance Fair
Visit to the MTC
Heather's Birthday
New Chicks
Pirate Party
Working with Dad

More to follow....

Pine Wood Debry 2010

It was tough having Dad gone out of town for work for Cody's last and Cameron's 1st Pine Wood Derby, but we were well taken care of in his stead!

Brother Jeremy Vincent helped not only our two boys finish their projects, but another boy in the ward who's Dad isn't around, along with his own sons! We had  a special Family Home Evening with the Vincent's the monday before the big day so he could add the right amount of weights to each car. The boys had a blast hanging out in the garage "building" with Brother Vincent.

The boys had "best of 4" heats... one of which it was Cam against Cody!

Another car was in the lead, with Cam second and Cody third! But at the last leg of the track, Cody's car took off and he took 1st, while Cam still took second!

Another good race! Go Cam!

They each won participation ribbons, but the 1st prize went to the other little boy Brother Vincent helped, which we all we glad for! :)

Uncle Tyler drove over to help and support... he had helped with wheel installations in one of the many phases of building a pine wood derby car! We are so thankful to these great men in our lives who help ease the loneliness and sorrow of not having their own Dad here. THANK YOU!!!

After the official race was over the kids got to run their cars as many times as they wanted. Cody's car smoked EVERYONE's after the real race was over with Cam coming in close behind! Maybe we needed a few more good runs to get them wheels warmed up! Tee hee!

Things I Think

I am finding some very interesting things out about myself this last month. I feel overwhelmed. And it's not like this never happens to me. It does. But not on the level I have felt it of late. I am operating on "autopilot"/"survival mode"... and do not like it!

I am a "joy in the journey" kind of gal. I like enjoying the life I am living. I even sometimes like my trials because they give me purpose and direction. Not this time. This time has been different. Very Very Different!

I am drowning. Literally I feel as though I am out in the rough water, large waves crashing over me, rainbows and glimpses of heaven passing by giving me hope now and again, meanwhile most of those around me who love me are standing on the sidelines cheering me on... often saying in effect "You can do it Heather! We have seen you be SO strong before! We are waiting for you to do it again!"

Meanwhile.. I just need someone to throw me a freakin' life vest.

I have done unemployment before.

I have done financial struggles before.

I have done Jestin being gone, working out of town before, with littler kids!

I have done heart health issues before.

I have done no sleep before.

I have had very close friends hurt me or drop out of my life before.

I have done hard family issues before.

I have done family not understanding, and/or taking offense because I can only do so much.

I haven't done the reality of facing my future as I am having to do right now, but I knew deep down inside someday this day would come. And I need to start trying to figure out where I am going and what I am going to do to provide for our family.

But I realize I have not done them all at once before! I realize that this time I am NOT strong. The faith is there. I know it is. I just can't seem to hold onto it. And I feel like I am failing in the most miserable way.

And it changes minute to minute with no way to control it!

Catty as it may be... one minute I feel strong and loved by God and ready to face it all. The next I am a ball of tears on my bedroom floor praying for a way out. Heavenly Father sends me sweet whisperings and tokens of His love and support, but I have no tangible answers to hang on to. I have felt a complete loss of self, direction and purpose the last month or so. And within hours I feel all alone again.

Not at all to say that I have lost my testimony.
Not at all to say that I doubt God nor His goodness.

I just feel like I am being left alone to figure out some of the hardest things I have ever faced, all at once.

Last night I was talking to my sister Nicole. She was so full of love and inspiration. (I am so thankful for her!)She shared a thought she had heard at a "Time out for Women" in Washington. The speaker talked about David and Goliath. He spoke about how before David ever faced Goliath, he faced lions, and he faced bears. And at the time they were really challenging for him! The "hardest he has ever faced" at that time. But he took what he had learned through those experiences and used them to eventually face his greatest obstacle... Goliath, the Giant. It was a profound thought process. And I really have appreciated her sharing this with me to mull over and apply. I think I have seen some of my lions and bears... could this be part of my Goliath?

Also today I have thought about something else. I recently watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with Emmalee because she finished the book. There is a scene where Harry, a wizard, is in grave danger and to save himself and another he must conjoir a Patronus Charm. It is one the most powerful spells you have to conjoir. He fails, but as imminent destruction looms over him, he sees a Patronus come to his rescue! Out past where he saw it come from he thinks he saw his dad, who had died when he was a baby, conjoiring it. Later in the story, he has gone back in time to save a life, and realizes as he watches the scene of himself where he needs the Patronus, that it was actually HIMSELF that was casting the spell. His comment later, when his companion expresses awe at what he was able to do to save himself and another with that charm was: "I knew I could do it... because I already had!"

This comment has also been swirling in my head.

I HAVE done many of these same trials before. I have. I can. And I know how.

I also spoke with my dear friend, Amy, and she got some other wheels turning. She expressed feelings similar to mine, but for different reasons, but she said something to the effect of : maybe we are enduring these hard things to prepare us for something else.

I have spent a lot more time on my knees. I have been seeking answers, comfort and guidance more than ever before. I have sought for personal revelation and been reading my scriptures and other good literature more than I ever have before. I have been laying my troubles at the Lord's feet, mostly because I just cannot bear them, more than I ever have before.

And when I feel myself loosing hope, feeling alone, or unloved, I turn again to these things. I am being "brought to the table of His power and love" over and over and over again.

Maybe there is no resolution right now for the things that are plaguing my life. Maybe I won't get the answers I seek, the quick fix I so desperately ache for. Maybe it is time for me to just allow myself to be lead back to my Savior and to my Heavenly Father over and over and over again.

 Maybe something is coming... and I need to be in that right place when it does. I need to trust. Even if I don't want to. As I was typing this song came into my head. It has been balm to my soul more times that I can tell...

Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;

But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
’Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—
All is well! All is well!

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
’Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we’ll have this tale to tell—
All is well! All is well!

All IS well. God knows. He knows. H.A.R.D. as this may be for me... all is well. I know it will be. It just HAS to be!!

And I will just keep swimming....

Cameron's Big Moment!

Our Cam got to lead the flag ceremony at Pack Night last week. He was SUPER excited!

He rushed through some of it (in the heat of the moment) but he really did a great job!

I am so proud of him.

We are so blessed to live in a Repulic such as this one. I pray that God will continue to bless this great land of ours... and that we live worthy of that blessing!

And I am so thankful for this program to help me teach it to my boys! :)

Brothers

My boys.
I love this picture! They are so different...each of my boys.
Their personalities are completely different.
Their interests are completely different.
Their dreams are completely different.

And I love them all the same!
They are my future.
They are my work of art.
My gift from God, and my gift TO God.
I, as their mother, must teach them as did the mothers of the Strippling Warriors. These are my soldiers in the battle between good and evil on this earth in the last days. It is MY responsibility to help them cultivate the testimony that they need to suceed in their mortal missions. It is my responsibilty to help them be ready to fly from the nest, cut the apron strings, etc etc and stand on their own two feet and raise their own family and cherish their own sweet wife one day. I have the sacred responsibilty to teaching them how to treat others, how to be honest, how to meet lifes struggles!
And time is quickly slipping away! Cody will be 19, "ready" to go on a mission in 8 years! That is a blink of an eye in comparison to how long ago it feels like Cameron was born! If I blink I might miss it!
These are my "strippling warriors" of the last days... and I better make sure they KNOW so that they will not have fear, that they will go out and do what is required of them to bring to pass the goodness of God.
It is a daunting task... being the mother to 3 such amazing, smart and busy boys!! :)

Randomness...

* I am sitting here with a hot pad on my chest and a warm laptop on my lap... and I am STILL cold!
* I gave into FarmVille (game on FACEBOOK) again while Jestin is away... thinking I should not have... I like to organize it WAY too much! LOL
* Emmalee's chest hurts, she is cold and she just lays here... it's Saturday and all her friends should be able to play today. She MUST really not feel well.
* I had a wonderful invitation to BYU Women's Conference this weekend. I wanted to go SO much. But I was a good girl and let my motherly responsibilities as a "single mom", my lack of funds and the guidance of the Spirit to talk me out of going. *sigh* NEXT YEAR! There is always next year...
* I really really really wanted to cut out all sugar and hit a workout routine hard while Jestin was gone on this CA job... sadly... I must admit... going without Jes was enough. I couldn't/can't do it. Sad huh?
* We have 4 new baby chicks! Well.. they are about a month old now. 3 Amerucunana's and 1 orphan-no-one-is-sure-what-I-am chick. They are so sweet!
* We love having fresh eggs!
* My clean house has gone wayward this week. It was almost spotless for Jes to come home last weekend... he left and I just didn't quite care as much...I really tried to... just couldn't find it in me. LOL
* I am tired of this particular trial... mostly because there are so few options to choose from to fix it. I want to be able to fix it... or even see the path that we should take! There seems only to be dead ends and answers of "be patient" and "just wait". Meanwhile it really feels like we are out of time. Interesting. If this wasn't my own life I wonder if I would learn more from it...??
* My garden is all plowed and ready to plant since last monday, but I have not been able to go outside to do anything in it because of the storms. My peas are fermenting on the kitchen counter... I wish I hadn't soaked them! LOL
* Jes is working hard down there. He sounds so tired each night.
* Pat (the guy he is working with)'s Mom got Jestin fried chicken and all the fixings, and a cheesecake for his birthday on tuesday while he was down there. It was SO very kind of her! I get teary just thinking about it.
* I cried almost all of Tuesday.
* During this cold snap I cleaned both my ovens! :) Go me!
* I also deep cleaned my kitchen floor. Of course, Caleb spilled peach drink all over it not even an hour later and Cam has since got paint on it! LOL The joys of motherhood! Tee hee hee
* The two older boys have the Pine Wood Derby this week... their Daddy will miss it. Luckily they have a great Uncle who is going to come and be their last minute helper if their cars need help! LOL
* My sweet neighbor brought me chocolate cookied filled with carmel... and I cannot stop craving them! YUM!!
* I am working on a cookbook for our ward. It really is so fun! I can't wait to have it all done!
* I have a pile of stuff in my livingroom to get rid of... wondering if I should try selling some of it (a few things I have listed with no calls) or just haul it to DI! LOL
* I need something tasty to eat... time to go figure out dinner... *sigh*

I really miss my sweetheart!!

A Preschool Pirate Party

Caleb's Preschool did a very fun thing this year! They had a Pirate Party to celebrate their last two letter's to learn... P & X.

P is for Pirate

and X marks the spot!

Teacher Lynda went all out! They had a huge treasure hunt for gems, letters and gold. She was in full costume! It was AWESOME!!

Caleb and Jesse looked forward to it all year! She gave each of them their own copy of the book Shiver Me Letters

"On guard!"

And very best of all... she made them all swords out of PVC pipe and swimming noodles!

This Preschool really has been a ton of fun for Caleb! We are so thankful for Teacher Lynda and all she does! :)

This pic makes my heart melt...

This is one of my favorite pictures. Cody took this months ago.

This is my "baby" Caleb and "baby" from my childhood, Little Beggar.

Beggar was a gift from my Daddy when I was 8 years old. I had to have my tonsils and adenoids removed and then was rushed back to the hospital for a second surgery because I hemorrhaged. It was scary I remember, but I woke up and my Daddy handed me this little dog with a bib on that said "Little Beggar".

He became my most trusted friend. He offered my comfort in some really sad times in life. Jestin jokes he had to kick Beggar out of our bed when we got married because he was jealous! Even now as an adult, when I would get him out of the box, and I rubbed his soft paws or ears between my fingers there was  this emmense comfort. Silly at over 30 years old huh?? I can find comfort in a stuffed animal!

Each of my kids, when they were about Caleb's age had seen Beggar. They love to see the box of Mommy keepsakes and the stories I tell with each item. (they love their boxes even more though! LOL) Each time he was brought out, I considered letting them play with him. But it never felt right.

Until Caleb.

Caleb saw my Beggar and fell in love. He hauls Beggar everywhere. He goes to get him to cuddle on when he is feeling blue. He is gentle and tender with Beggar (for the most part) and he won't let his friends play with Beggar. I have often heard him say "Beddar is owld. He was Mommy's so we shouldn't play wif him". At 25+ years old, bless Beggar's heart, he is truly surviving this new wave of love!

As I type, lying here in my bed, Caleb is snuggled up beside me, missing Jestin too and cuddling Beggar.

The very BEST part? When I am feeling down, or am sick, guess what Caleb goes and gets for me??

Yep. My Beggar. Somehow this little man of mine totally 100% gets it. And he gets it to the very core. Beggar makes us feel better. :)

We share this comfort item of mine... and I can't explain the joy at knowing that something that meant so much to me... means so much to him!

Thank you Daddy for my "Little Beggar". He is old... but he is still loved!

And I can't help but think that "Woody" would be well pleased! *wink*

Home and Gone Again

Jestin came home for the weekend. It was really nice having him here for a few days! They planned on heading home Friday morning, but got rained out Thursday so they headed out right after work. We didn't tell the kids he was on his way. They were so mopey that evening. Caleb's prayer was consistently "Heavenly Father...Please b'wess Daddy come home tomorrow. Amen." in the days previous. They even wanted to know if I would come check them out of school if he got home before school was out! We were all missing him something fierce! It was so hard to put them to bed that night and not give them the good news!

He pulled in the driveway at 2:30 am. We stayed up talking and what not for a couple of hours. It was perfect time for us to catch up and then he could devote himself entirely to the kids the next morning.

I heard the alarms go off and I laid there wondering what their reactions were going to be walking into my bedroom and seeing Daddy asleep next to me! No one came in and I drifted off to sleep for a minutes more. As I was laying there I sensed someone was staring at me! I opened my eyes and there, at the bottom of our bed, sat Cody with a cutest lopsided grin on his face! I poked Jestin and said, "Hey love, your being stared at!" *giggle* Cody leapt into Jestin's arms and gave him a huge hug! He promptly left the bedroom and told the other kids the news. LOL! So much for a surprise! They LOVED having him help them get ready for the day and take them to school... I don't think it even occurred to them to ask him to let them stay home... they were just so glad for their routine with their Daddy in the morning again!!

Caleb stayed asleep and missed all the activity that morning. Jestin left to work on a job here locally and was gone until  2pm. I didn't tell Caleb anything. But this little bug of mine is too smart! He climbed into bed with me and wanted to know why I had 4 pillows again instead of the 3 I had had the last 2 weeks. Later he asked me when Daddy was coming home. I replied that I was unsure... to which he replied that if he didn't get here soon that Heavenly Father must send him a robot Daddy because he misses him too much and can't wait any longer!! LOL I was cracking up!!

When Jes pulled into the driveway Caleb saw him out our window. He came grinning downstairs and tried to act all macho about it... like he wasn't super duper excited!! It was a hoot! And then... after some huggin and kissin' Jes had his shadow back! Caleb missed him the most I think... of course... it truly is a toss up!

We didn't get a ton of time with Jes, as he tried to get his local jobs done, but we did get a quiet dinner with his parents on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. He wanted Beef Stew of all things! LOL It was lovely and low key...just what Jes wanted to feel for his few quiet moments at home.

Sunday he had meetings all morning and then church, so I begged Pat (the guy he is working with) to hold off leaving one extra hour after a church so we could at least eat dinner together and Jestin could give us all blessings before he left. It worked out perfectly.

We all were brave as he left... but broke into tears as he pulled away. Caleb went and hid and fought crocodile tears. We were so sorrowful to see him go again! We turned on America's Funniest Home Videos and soon the tears were dry and we could pretend all was ok again.

I find it interesting... this place we are at. We are SO dang thankful for the work! Our family desperately needs it. Our gratitude is full. And yet it breaks our hearts too!! I cannot imagine being a military wife, or a pioneer mother left while crossing the plains! I cannot fathom being a widow with small children! These women are my hero's!!

I am surviving... but I sure don't love it!

Dad's Home!

We were all so glad to have Dad home for a few days! We missed him like CRAZY!!  He was a sweetheart and tried to work on all the little projects we couldn't do without him and his help!

Cam's Go-cart had a loose seat...

So he and his Daddy fixed it all up!

Cam was just beaming at the time spent one on one... "helping" Dad!

And Mom just enjoyed sitting in the warm sun for a few minutes and enjoying them enjoy each other! :)

Visiting the MTC

We were blessed to attend Sacrament Meeting at the MTC today! My Dad was called to serve as the 1st counselor in the Korean speaking branch there! WAY COOL! Sadly, he was also released as a counselor in the English speaking branch which he dearly loved! And he is nervous since he does not speak a word of Korean... well except for Kia & Samsung! LOL  It was really fun to take my kids there and let them walk those hallowed halls. They were enthralled with the chairs that had desk tables attached, and they tried SO hard to be quiet beyond the standard of the busy family ward from which we come!
The yound man blessing the bread had to repeat it at least 3 times (that I could tell) (he did it in his newly learned Korean)... and once it was over Cameron leaned over and told me that was the longest prayer he had ever heard! I explained that the missionary was using a language he likely has only known for a few weeks. Caleb kept pulling on my arm while I was talking to Cam. Finally I turned to him and asked what he needed... to which he said, rather loudly, "Dat was da strangest prayer I ever heard!" The sweet sisters in front of me giggled in spite of themselves!
The missionaries were just awesome! They were super friendly and talked to my kids a lot! Emma and Cody have it all figured out! If Cody holds off on turning in his papers 5 months, then they both can turn in their papers at the same time and be in the MTC together! LOL! It was cute!
...I better start saving my pennies! LOL

Ugh.

Here I am. It's 2am again. I can't sleep. I try. I really do. I just can't.

I have tons of fun pics I want to post to this... birthday parties, camping trips, easter etc. My cable for my little camera won't read in the new computer tower. Blast! So I uploaded them to the laptop... um.. yeah... why bother? The thumbnail to pick them from is TINY! And it keeps messing up because our touch pad is so sensitive and our wireless mouse is kaput. So...you just get verbal updates for now. ;) Sorry...

It has been a busy week. Day 3, 4 & 5 of being alone are over. :) Good news. Bad news? Being without him on the weekends seems 10x harder than the weekdays! We have tried to stay busy though! I am organzing and de-junking like crazy. I have a bunch of stuff I am going to list on KSL to try and make some money as well as get rid of. I have organized all the books in the house. I have organized Jes and my closets and the boys closet. I did all the laundry from A-Z including putting it all away. I alphabetized our CD collection (YES!  I am bored and lonely ok??) and went through all our cassettes that we recorded back in the day and labeled and cleaned them out. My bedroom is almost all perfect, with the exception of a little more ironing...but I did a huge portion of that today!

However, amid all this lovely "kicking butt and taking names" motivation I tackled upstairs... my downstairs fell apart. I *love* having the kids home on days when I get in a groove. It almost makes it *not* worth it! LOL

Jestin is doing good. He is lonely too, but they are working hard. They put in 50 hours this week alone... and that was after driving down all day Monday! Not bad! I feel bad for him because he is staying with the guy he went down with's parents, and so he feels very odd man out. They are being super kind to him though! He has had a great breakfast everyday and a good dinner everynight! They are staying the parent's 5th wheel trailer and it is working out really well.

On an upnote... Jes did his first loads of laundry today!! My sweetheart is growing up! LOL! Actually I am a little nutty about the laundry... I like to do it for the most part... and I figure if I keep the laundry taken care of... then I don't have to learn about car maintenence! It is a good trade I think! I am excited for him to learn something new though... I always joked if anything ever happened to me someone was going to have to teach him how to do it! Tee hee hee!

Day 2 - As a "Single Mom"

Ok... really I am not going to mope and whine every day that Jestin is gone! LOL Today has been busy... I got up early, got everyone ready for the day and went to take an all day continuing education class for my Realtor's license. It was very interesting... but sadly... with only 3 hours of sleep I was going crazy trying to keep my eyes open towards the end! LOL I was so thankful to Caleb's friend Chase's mom for letting him come spend the day there. I signed up for this class when I had Jestin home...so I was stressing when it was the night before and I had no plan! Ah... but all is well that ends well.

I put my new bookshelves in the office closet today. My office looks like a bomb went off as I try to find a home for everything! I am considering a yard sale... I have quite a bit of stuff ... and listing stuff on KSL.com feels like too much work sometimes! LOL We'll see. My list of projects is getting longer by the minute.... I should probably hit the hay and try to sort it all out into a list in the morning...

New Chicks!

So... yes. I am crazy. Let's just get that out of the way right now! LOL.

We have 4 new chicks! One of our good friends son was asked to a highschool dance with a chick. It was cute and cliche ("dont be Chicken! Take a Hot Chick to the dance!") and left him with a little chick and no idea what to do with it. He knew we had chickens and a coop, and so, we adopted his chick. (the little yellow one) The poor thing cried all day and all night. It was ALONE in the world and wanted EVERYONE to know it! LOL! So... even though Jestin was headed out of town for a lengthy amount of time, I decided this chick could not be a lone chick in the box until it is big enough to join the brood. (nor could I endure it's crying all night long! LOL)

This is the selection they had when I went to pick some up!
Jes has always wanted Ameraucanas, since they lay blue/green eggs, and believe it or not, they had them! So we got 3! *grin* They are darling. They poop a ton. Their water constantly needs cleaned out. Their box stinks the garage up. And  I am doing baby chickens while my husband is away...heaven help me!

Like I said... I am crazy. *wink*

Day 1 - "Single Mom"

Today is day Numero Uno of being a "single mom". We have prayed so feverently for work for Jestin, and now it has come. Much to my chagrin, it came in the form of out of town work... as in I won't see Jestin for 2 weeks at a time for at least 2 months if not longer. :( Grateful for the work/income. Disappointed about the location and separation.

Last night was torture! We all had the "impeding doom" sense going on and it was quiet and a little moddy around here. Jestin gave us all Priesthood blessings. They were short and sweet...but full of love and comfort. We got him mostly all packed and were in bed by midnight. He quickly fell asleep, but I laid there for hours listening to him breathe and just "feeling" him near me. I was upbeat and ok with it all, which made Jestin feel very happy about it all... until last night. The reality had set in and I started to feel nervous to be on my own all time... on so many levels! LOL

Today was ok. I got him out the door, kissed goodbye and on the road by 6am. I fell back asleep (unfortunately) and so when trying to help get kids out the door it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I must have been in limbo between an REM cycle! My eyelids were like lead! LOL! After the kids left, I fell back asleep. Caleb joined me and we curled up together...I slept, he watched PBS and drank a Carnation Instant Breakfast.

We did good as a family without a Dad this evening too. I used my birthday money from MJ and Dad to get two new bookshelves for our office (they were on sale at ShopKo for half off! Someone "upstairs" loves me!). The boys and I raided Jestin's tools and put them together...

...while Emmalee made us dinner. (Taco Pizza). It was lovely. Cody asked if he could sit in Dad's seat for dinner. I replied that yes, he could since he was the "acting man-of-the-house". Cameron quickly piped up, "But am the 2nd acting man-of-the-house!"... to which Caleb promptly replied, "But I am the tiniest man-of-the-house"!!" We all had a great giggle and called to tell Dad what he had said! Dad laughed and laughed. It was Caleb's turn for dinner prayer tonight. Normally he repeats the same wording, and often needs prompting to continue on, but tonight, being the "tiniest man of the house" he took the whole prayer into his own hands. We were in stitches again when he forgot what he was suppose to ask for regarding the food and quickly thanked Heavenly Father for it, and then asked that it be "warm to eat". He also prayed with a sweet tenderness over the safety of his Daddy.

We decided to go splurge and used the rest of my birthday $ on ColdStone for Family Home Evening. I had a coupon for a free icecream for my birthday (if you haven't done it... go to their website and sign up! We all get a free icecream coupon emailed to us for our birthdays! It's sweet! Literally! LOL) and then with our local store's Monday night special of buy one adult icecream get a kid one free, we made off with icecream for everyone at almost the same cost as a date night for Jestin and I! (whisperings of affection from above I tell ya! I feel so blessed!)

We came home, ate our treat and then played a couple of rounds of Uno...teaching Caleb to play for the first time. It was hoot! He was happy regardless of whether he was loosing cards or picking cards up and LOVED shouting UNO! We had just turned on the 10 o'clock news to see the weather when Jestin called us. He visited with each of the kids, asking about their days, and then we put him on speaker phone and he offered our family prayer. The Spirit was strong and we could feel how much we are loved by this great man in our lives. The kids all wished him goodnight and I told them to go up to their rooms, that I wanted to talk to Daddy for a minute and then would be up. Caleb got a displeasured look on his face and asked "am I suppose to pretend it is Daddy tonight?" He thought I was not going to tuck him in...that he was going to have to imagine it was Dad doing it! It was really super cute! LOL

And now here it is... almost 2:30 am. I have read emails, read Facebook, read blogs, cleaned up the entire downstairs, double checked all windows and doors, rotated laundry, etc...but now I really am missing Jestin tonight. I know this is temporary. I know it is not as bad as it could be. I know others have been through this and that it is ok. WE have been through it before. It is just a bummer...and a blessing... and I think it unfair to myself if I deny either one of those emotions! LOL

I know this will pass quickly and it will greatly bless our family.... THAT I KNOW ... it's just not much comfort to cuddle up to in the middle of a cold dark rainy night...

Palisades - Spring Break 2010

The first camping trip of the year!

My friend Maria and I have been planning this trip ever since we went last year really! It was SUCH a good time last year, we KNEW this was where we wanted to break out the trailers and run away to for Spring Break 2010! We invited another neighbor family, the Burningham's, to join us and they brought their parents and sister (whom Jestin is related to... but it's complicated to explain! LOL), and we also invited some friends of Wilkey's (and our recent clients), Dale & Andra and their kids to come 4 wheeling with us on Saturday!

It was a great get-away from life! 

We love the improved campsites with full water, power and sewer hookups! Oh yeah!

(Jesse, Sophie & Caleb)

The kids love that they can bring their bikes and ride on the black top until their hearts are content!

(Caleb's Sock!)

Or until they wear holes in their shoes and shred their socks! LOL

(Cameron & Bryn)

We played games with our friends...

(Dale, Caleb & Jesse)

Begged to go on 4 wheeler rides!

Dale was a sport and made the wheeler bounce and sway so "Kick and Side Kick" could pretend they were driving! LOL

(Kaitlyn, Kelby, Jestin, Cameron, Jesse & Caleb)

Then Dad was talked into it! YEA!!!!

(Kaitlyn & Kelby)

Even the teenagers joined the caravan... and off they went!

(Coye's fish that didn't make it!)

Meanwhile the other kids went "fishing"... not much luck though!

Cam hangin out after his ride!

(Jill, Bryn & Sophie)

Our cute little neighbor girl toted Sophia everywhere! Sophie had to "take naps" to find a little relief ... but they both had a good time! And it was nice to know I could always find Sophie if she "wandered off" LOL

(Heather & Jestin and Maria & Bishop Curtis)

The adults got the teenagers to watch the kidlets... and off we went on a twilight ride of our own!

The RV trails were so much fun! And the views were amazing!

Manti Temple

As the sun went down it did start to get a bit chilly in the mountains in mid April, but we were having a blast so no one cared!

(Jill, Heather, Brett's Mom and Maria)

The women folk!

(Brett and Mallory, Brett's Dad, Bishop Curtis, Jesse and Jestin)

The men folk with the littlests

Our view on the way down! Oh how I wished I could hold still well enough to give it justice!

The temple looked SO pretty!

Once we got back down it was time for Bag Fudge, S'mores & Roasted Starbursts! Caleb couldn't wait!

(Caleb & Jesse)

Good Mornin'! We are clean and ready to get dirty! *grin*

And race our "Man Cars" down the hill!

Jesse and Caleb did this over and over and over again!

Cody!!

 The kids loved the hills to the side of our camping spot and they went on many explores!

Caleb is "King of da Mountain!"

Jesse and Jes on their way back down

We headed down the hill to the reservoir... and there was way too much fun to be had there! *grin*

My kids LOVED having such a great time with their dad!

(Cody, a Burningham cousin, Aubrey, Rachel & Maria)

Brett's Parents rented a paddle boat for the day and all the kids took their turns on them!

Our two little men! They couldn't wait for their turn!

(Jestin, Maria and Cameron, Caleb & Jesse)

YEA!!! It's our turn!!!

Maria is my hero! She took all three of these busy boys out on the water by herself! And she is terrified of water! I was so impressed! I wished so much that I wasn't newly recovered from that stupid cold in my heart! I so wanted to go with them! :(

Squeals of delight! Off they go!

Cameron, my eight year old boy!

Another fun pastime to be found... Rock throwing you don't get in trouble for!! They wanted Jes to stay with them all afternoon throwing rocks! Until the playground was offered of course! LOL

Just sittin' on the dock telling jokes and stories was a blast too!

(Our campsites: 1st trailer was Brett's parents, then ours, then Wilkey's and then Burningham's)

Cody took his camera and really got some great shots~ makes a momma proud! :)

The sun going down on the lake...

Mom and Caleb... down the hill we go! WHEEEEEEEE

Hee hee hee! We made it! And we didn't crash!

Off they go again!

Bryn and Sophia again!

Breakfast time again! Back to the dirt! It sure was nice of them to make "sand boxes" for these boys!

(They were tent sites! LOL)

Sophia hiding out! LOL

MMMMM... we love camping meals! Especially bacon, pancakes and hot cocoa!

Can't get enough of you baby!

Coverin' up to keep the burn to a minimum. I have to say, even though my heart meds make me burn super fast, I really did pretty good up there! :) We all were a little lobsterish... but that's ok! It was SOOO worth it!

Mally and her sweetheart! When we first got to camp I greeted her and asked her, "Whatcha doing Mally?" To which she replied, "Campin' wif Kelby". She LOVES Kelby. It is so dang cute!!

We are going to miss Jestin so very much while he is away!! He was such a good sport this camping trip though! With my need for careful monitoring of my activities, he really stepped up! He took the kids fishing, 4 wheeling, hiking, to the playground, played games, cooked food and just all around spent quality time with all of us! We are so blessed to have this wonderful man in our lives! As well as great friends with whom we can escape the real world's view of us and our responsibilities and just be friends! It was LOVELY!!!